Unseen: The Movie - Now Showing

Discussion in 'BOARDANIA' started by chrisjordan, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. chrisjordan New Member


    A bird's-eye view of a red 1970s Cadillac Eldorado convertible tearing down a dirt road, kicking back a cloud of red dust.

    CUT TO: Near ground-level view in profile, the Eldorado's wheels grinding to a halt.

    CUT TO: A wider view of the car. The door swings open and the driver takes some time releasing herself from her cramped position. She is dressed in a plump, rubber suit as something decidedly hideous and extra-terrestrial with large, bulbous eyes.

    She manages to get to her feet and makes to shuffle awkwardly across the scrubland.

    CUT TO: A lemonade stand, positioned randomly in the dirt a short distance away. Behind it stand a man and a woman. They are dressed as Power Rangers, pink and blue respectively.

    BLUE RANGER (gasping):
    There's someone over there!

    The Pink Ranger, who has been idly kicking the dirt with his feet, looks up.


    Quick, honey, pour the lemonade. They might be thirsty.

    The Pink Ranger lifts the jug to pour. He pauses.

    We're out of lemonade.


    It's all gone. Gone completely. We drank it all.

    The Blue Ranger looks down at the jug, turns and smacks him over the head.

    You mean YOU drank it all, you good for nothing waste of space!

    Waste of space? Out here? You're balmy, you are.

    She smacks him over the head again.


    You know you can't drink that much, Dave! Your skinny body can't take it!

    It's lemonade!

    AND you have that bladder problem.

    Heh. Bladder. Heheheh.

    I mean what's the point of a lemonade stand with no lemonade? NOTHING I THINK YOU WILL FIND! Waste of space, honey! That's what YOU are! WASTE OF SPACE!


    Er. Excuse me.

    The two Rangers turn to see the woman in the plump rubber alien costume.

    They scream, and backflip to a safe distance, suddenly on guard.

    OM KRANTI (calling after them):
    I was just after some directions!

    A RUBBER ALIEN! What do we do?

    The Blue Ranger performs an elaborate but awkward preparatory manoeuvre, flailing her limbs with sharp swishing sounds and kicking her legs several times over her head.


    She is facing in the wrong direction.

    BLUE RANGER (pausing):
    Where've you gone?

    Er. Over here, Missy.

    The Blue Ranger corrects herself.


    Hey, I just--

    Should I...should I go a bit mental on her or what?

    If it won't break you, honey, LOL! I never saw the point of any of this anyway. Let's just skip to the good bit.

    OM KRANTI (increasingly exasperated):
    Look, if you could listen for a minute--

    The Blue Ranger backflips once more; the camera zooms in for a head shot and Blue Ranger slices the air with her arm as behind her is a sudden psychedelic background.


    CUT BACK TO Pink Ranger:

    Oh wow, a Zord called Missy. That's just genius.

    CUT SHARPLY TO Missyzord interior; Blue Ranger leans over the control panel to yell down to Pink Ranger...


    CUT BACK TO Pink Ranger.

    Oh, hang on. I've lost my thing.

    The Pink Ranger pats his pockets.

    Om Kranti watches the man and the giant mechanical Missyzord uncertainly.

    CUT TO Missyzord interior.


    CUT BACK TO Pink Ranger.

    PINK RANGER (arms flailing, with psychedelic background):

    CUT TO Missyzord.

    About time, honey!

    CUT TO Davezord interior.

    Is EVERYTHING this big now? Heheheheh...

    CUT TO wide shot. The Missyzord smacks the Davezord over the head. Davezord flails its arms protectively and gets hit again. The Missyzord accidentally steps on the lemonade stand.

    CUT TO: Om Kranti running.

    Stumbling along with difficulty in her costume, she exhaustedly throws herself into the open-top Eldorado, climbs over into the driver's seat and starts the ignition.

    OM KRANTI (to the squabbling Zords):

    Om Kranti gestures impolitely and puts her foot down on the accelerator.

    The Eldorado speeds off as the Davezord falls to the ground and the Missyzord turns to see it go.
  2. Katcal I Aten't French !


    Close up of a screen showing the previous scene from several aerial angles.

    Pan outwards from a sci-fi style monitor bank to show a hand holding a remote control. The remote has the usual buttons and one unusual one with a flame icon on it and a "Smite" label above it.

    The hand points the remote at the screen and presses the smite button.

    Pan out again, the arm connected to the hand holding the remote is resting on the arm of a high-backed black leather armchair. Only the back of the chair can be seen, and the arm. A strange glow like fire flickering is coming from the chair.

    The remote moves and the monitor is turned off. The chair swivels slowly round to profile, revealing a strange character with hair that is literally [-]on[/-] fire. It is smiling, the kind of smile that scares people.
    On its lap is a long-haired white rabbit (à la Mr Bigglesworth), that is having its head scratched.

    This remote smiting amuses Ba, but it does lack the possibilities of full gloating.

    Kat (bunny)
    Snuffle ?

    Gloating is an important part of the smiting process, and Ba misses it.
    Ba will return to earth and enjoy a smiting spree.

    Ba pushes Kat off his lap and rises from the chair. He is wearing suspiciously tight and shiny leather trousers and a David Hasselhoff-like open leather jacket with matching chest hair.

    BA (stroking the leather jacket)
    But first, Ba must change into something less... comfortable.

    Ba strides off camera, the woosh of an automatic door can be heard.

    Cut to a close-up of Kat, wide-eyed, watching Ba leave. When the woosh of the door closing behind him is heard, she turns and hops over to a small panel in the side of the monitor-bank-thingy. She presses it with her right paw, and it slides open, revealing a miniature control center. She presses a button and speaks into a 2-way system.

    Kat (hushed voice)
    He's coming down soon, be ready for the signal.

    A crackling voice can vaguely be heard, but no words can be understood.

    Kat (still hushed)

    No, he still thinks I'm on his side.
    Appropriate cliffhanger music.
  3. chrisjordan New Member

    I like the minitwist. Mostly because a rabbit is talking, but also because it opens it up for some more potentially interesting storylines.

    Who did Ba smite at the start?
  4. Tephlon Active Member

    Don't know if this goes here, but I made this:

  5. chrisjordan New Member

    AWESOMENESS. Especially the light glinting off the car.
  6. plaid New Member

    ooh, that is cool. very cool.
  7. Katcal I Aten't French !

    I left that open for whoever wants to pick up on it... most probably Pink, Blue or Om...

    Edit> Oh and cool pic Teph !
  8. Maljonic Administrator

    SCENE 3

    [FONT=&quot]Om Kranti drives at a moderate speed down a long desert highway while smiling at the image of [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Missyzord lumbering after her in the rear-view mirror. She spots a hitchhiker kicking up dust by the side of the road. He is wearing desert-coloured combat pants, jungle camouflage T-shirt and an “FBI” baseball cap. OM Kranti “tuts”, taking pity on the young waif, and pulls over to offer him a ride.[/FONT]

    Om Kranti
    [FONT=&quot]Hop in! Where you headed?[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Thanks. Not headed nowhere in partic’lar. You do know you have a huge creature chasing you don’t you?[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]The hitchhiker nods towards [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Missyzord which, unknown to Om Kranti, has doubled in size and speed and is now breathing fire from several orifices, incinerating cacti and precious endangered desert life-forms. Om pulls the car back onto the highway at a leisurely pace as the hitchhiker glances frequently over his shoulder nervously.[/FONT]

    Om Kranti
    [FONT=&quot]Before we get too cosy on our trip, I think I should tell you that these are not my real tentacles.


    [FONT=&quot]Om Kranti lets out a raucous laugh, blissfully unaware of the earthquake-like tremors bouncing the car on its suspension as they cruise the desert highway.

    [FONT=&quot] Is there any chance we could go just a little bit quicker? It’s just that…[/FONT]

    Om Kranti
    [FONT=&quot] Okay, take it easy. I’m sure I like you too, but there is a process you know?


    [FONT=&quot]CUT TO MISSYZORD INTERIOR, LOOKING OUT THROUGH A VIEWSCREEN: Flames tumble forth and sear the paintwork from the trunk of the Eldorado and the car’s passenger franticly shakes the alien driver, trying to draw her attention to the colossal monstrosity about to crush them under foot.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]CUT BACK TO CAR INTERIOR, BACK SEAT CAMERA: Om Kranti tries to shoo the hitchhikers attentions, mistaking his actions as amorous, but is unable to stop his exited state. Om turns to speak to him directly, but glimpses the gargantuan Missyzord in the rear-view mirror then looks up to see an enormous foot descending rapidly.[/FONT]

    Om Kranti
    [FONT=&quot]Great shrieking Shivas, look at that![/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Om Kranti guns the throttle to escape the massive foot, which crushes the rear of the trunk and dislodges the bumber. The car momentarily leaves the ground, then lands rear wheels first and coasts for 30 feet or so before the spinning front wheels connect with the dusty asphalt and catapult the car away from the reach of the giant Missyzord.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]We see the speedometer pushing 110 miles per hour and Om Kranti laughs once more.[/FONT]

    Om Kranti
    [FONT=&quot]Wad a rush!


    [FONT=&quot]Om Kranti pulls really hard on the rubber suit’s headpiece, it comes away with a slurping, sucking noise and Om takes a deap, invigorating breath.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]The hitchhiker screams.[/FONT]
  9. Tephlon Active Member

    Mal, that was awesome!

    I have tears in my eyes from the laughing (Well, that and the hayfever, but still).

    I've decided to do:

    If that's allright with Chris and the other authors, of course.

    Mal: Minor nitpick: The car is a 1970 Eldorado. They have rear wheel traction. It would still be totally out of control, but that part of the scene doesn't work exactly like you want it to.
  10. chrisjordan New Member

    Yes! Do it!

    Although there might be some people who are going to do a comic or storyboard anyway.
  11. Tephlon Active Member

    Meh, screw them. :wink:
  12. Maljonic Administrator

    I'll have you know I researched it and found an Eldarado with front wheel drive. I think there was a few made after 1967.
  13. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    Fracking Awesomeness!!
  14. Tephlon Active Member

    Really? I stand corrected then.

    Edit: I can only find Eldorado's with front wheel drive after 1984.
  15. chrisjordan New Member

    I love how there are Megazords and talking rabbits and we're debating over the finer aspects of 1970s Eldorado mechanics. :p
  16. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Teph, what makes you think that it is a real Eldorado and not a cunningly disguised alien vessel ?
  17. Tephlon Active Member

    shush! Details are important!

    I hate you.
  18. Electric_Man Templar

    SCENE 4.

    Ba strides into a large empty kitchen, which appears to be entirely cupboards and fridges. He's wearing a butcher's apron and something that appears to be tin-foil underneath. He opens a cupboard door with his right hand and looks into it, the door obscures the contents of the cupboard. The sound of him picking up and replacing items is heard.

    Ba (to himself)
    Crocodile tears? No, used that yesterday. Geek dandruff? Too potent. Athlete's foot? Will make it a bit moist. [pause] Aha! How appropriate.

    Ba withdraws the bottle with his left hand and shuts the cupboard. The camera pans to a large frying pan on the other side of the kitchen. The camera looks vertically down into the pan. The sounds of cupboards and fridges opening and closing can be heard.

    Ingredients are tossed into the pan as Ba narrates. A large strip of pink meat goes in first.

    Baby's leg.

    Some vegetation goes in.

    Stinging nettles.
    Willow bark.
    Sycamore helicopters.
    [FONT=Arial, sans-serif]Water.[/FONT]

    The pan fills up and Ba stirs the ingredients with a wooden spoon.

    And the main flavouring...

    Camera turns to the bottle label, which says "Snail feet". Camera turns back to the pot. Ba tips two into the mixture which makes an ominous 'gloop'. The camera zooms out to show Ba putting a chemistry-lab tripod onto his head. He carefully places the pan onto this to cook.

    Ten minutes to cook, then Ba can cheerfully smite with a full stomach.

    With a complete lack of care, he strides across to a stool in the corner of the room, not a drop of the mixture spills. He pulls a remote out of a drawer and presses a button. A section of wall slides across to reveal a large TV screen, which is showing the Davezord carefully picking itself up and opening it's mouth as if shouting, but no sound can be heard from the screen.

    Ba's smiting worked, everything is normal.

    The click of a button can be heard and the camera zooms into, then past the Davezord, to a small piece of sandy ground where a snail lies with a crushed shell. Another snail can be seen nearby, ponderously turning its head to see what has happened to its companion.

    The camera slowly approaches the tv screen and seemingly moves through it. The sounds of Ba's food bubbling fades away to be replaced by the rushing of the wind and birdsong. The camera focuses on the two snails. A caption appears at the bottom.


    The snail with crushed shell lifts a single eye-stalk.


    Ella? What happened?

    Some... thing... big.

    Doorsnail doesn't reply.



    I... lo- [small choking sound]

    Take your time

    I... lo- [small choking sound]

    But don't take the pish.

    I... lo- [small choking sound]
    I... [big pause] lost the key to the safe


    The eye-stalk droops as Ella dies. Camera zooms in on Doors face


    Doorsnail's face displays a steely resolve.

    I shall revenge.

    Camera pulls back to the corpse of Ella. Doors slithers off purposefully. Behind him, a breeze blows around the dead snail. She elevates above the ground a few millimeters and a few blue spikes of electricity crackle off of the shell.
  19. TamyraMcG Active Member

    This is great stuff! You guys are amazing
  20. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Oh how I laughed... Poor Ella, to die for the sake of comedy.
  21. Tephlon Active Member

    page 1: Red dust


    Yes, I reused "the poster", but I added lots too.

    These are [-]450*600px[/-] 600*800 but I'm actually painting them at 2400*3200 px at 300dpi. That's HUGE. Fun though.

    I'm working on page 2 at the moment.
    Also: Power Rangers Fan Sites SUCK. Big time!
  22. spiky Bar Wench

    Good job Ben. Ignore my post in the other thread too. Its been a long weekend and my brain feels like its melted. I'll try to get my scene up by tomorrow
  23. spiky Bar Wench

    Scene 5

    The hitchhiker is still screaming and scrambling to get as far away from Om as possible without falling out of the car.

    What are you!?

    Camera cuts to Om driving. The removal of the sticky alien head with tentacle costume has revealed… a sticky alien head with tentacles.

    That’s not really a fair question; I never asked what you are.

    What are you!!!???

    Fine, if you must know I’m a highly advanced species of aquatic reptile from the planet Pffft. Now, what are you?

    Me? I’m human of course! Where the only intelligent ones on this planet.

    Wrong. But you’re certainly the most arrogant.

    Who’s more intelligent than humans here?

    Oh I can’t tell you that, they’ve been hiding it from you for so long that it’d be a shame to spoil the game.

    The hitchhiker sits in silence for a while contemplating the situation. He stares out the window and occasionally looks towards Om

    So you’re an alien. Humans aren’t the most intelligent. And some bloody great big super robot just tried to kill us.


    So what the hell is going on?!

    Well that’s one of the tricky ones. Basically, I’m here to save you from God.

    God? What’s he got to do with it? I thought he was a good guy. Are you evil?

    You have the wrong idea. Not the God but a God. There you go being arrogant again. The universe is full of Gods and not all of them are ones you’d take home to mum for a lamb roast.

    So you can let me out now. I don’t think I’m cut out for intergalactic god-bothering.

    I don’t think so.

    Cuts to car suddenly swerving off the highway doing a fishtail into the desert. Follows car from behind as it gets airborne over an arid hill then the angle lifts over the car to show the ground of the desert rising like a very geometric cave.

    Cuts back to hitchhiker

    Oh shit.

    All goes dark. Wait a beat. Flash to white screen which fades into the form of a large room lit by lots of fluorescent lights, with dark consoles set up in aisles. It’s all very grey and industrial.

    From the brightness a figure emerges and resolves itself into an identical green, slimy betentacled alien.

    Thank God you’re here. Not the one we’re trying to destroy of course but some other deity that is more benevolent. All is in readiness. Our spy has informed us that God is on the way and that we need to be ready for the signal.

    Cut to Om

    We’re here.

    Oh shit
  24. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Oooooh, nice !!! See Teph, I told you it wasn't just any old car ! :D

    Plaid, quick, we want to know what happens next and if it involves pie !
  25. Tephlon Active Member

    page 2: People in Suits

    Page2: People in Suits

    I've decided to make the pages bigger, as there are some tiny details that just don't show up. 600*800.

  26. chrisjordan New Member

    Lol...look at Om in the background there. L'awesome.

    Nice scene, Spiky. An alien disguised as a human dressed as an alien! It's like Plaid at Hallowe'en.
  27. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    WHA! lolom.

    This is so cool. Rock the Kasbah!
  28. plaid New Member

    scene six

    a shop. several tentacled costumes identical to that worn by Om hang from several racks, sorted by colors (green, orange, brown, and dark grey). a small placard above the costumes reads “Clearance – 66% off.” there are also boxes full of fake claws, eyeballs, teeth, and antennae.

    the shopkeeper is a very tall, bespectacled woman with no hair. she sits behind the till flipping through a collection of Far Side comics. two customers, a young woman and a child, are digging through a box of antennae.

    one outrageously fat police officer pushes through the glass door and leans himself against the woman’s counter top. with a stern expression the woman looks up from her novel.

    the officer holds up a large color photograph of a man with a humongous beard.

    OFFICER: have you seen this man, Miss Floyd?

    SHOPKEEPER: no, officer.

    OFFICER: are you sure about that? I have witnesses say they saw him leave your shop yesterday morning.

    SHOPKEEPER [tossing her comic away and standing up]: I don’t open til eleven thirty… I’ve never seen anyone with a beard like that… I…

    OFFICER: the man’s been kidnapped, Miss Floyd. anything you can tell us would be extremely helpful.

    WOMAN: excuse me…? did you say kidnapped?

    OFFICER: yes I did ma’am. a very strange case I must say. you don’t by any chance recognize…? [he holds up the photograph.]

    WOMAN [studying the face intently, then shaking her head]: I don’t think so, sir.

    OFFICER [with a cough]: and do you shop here often, ma’am?

    WOMAN: oh no, little Marcia just needs a pair of antennae… for Halloween. I think this pair will be perfect.

    OFFICER: very good, ma’am. Miss Floyd, please call us if you hear anything from the missing person.

    as the officer exits, the shopkeeper performs the exchange of antennae and money as if in a daze, then takes up her comic book again, looking warily at the retreating backside of the chubby policeman.

    WOMAN [as she leaves the shop]: well my heavens! kidnappings. what is the world coming to?

    the shopkeeper watches them leave, the woman holding tightly to her child’s hand.

    cut to a view of the street outside. MARCIA pulls her hand away from her mother and falls back a few steps behind. she takes out the pair of fake antennae, and settles them neatly on her head.

    as the mother turns a corner, we see a large canvas bag drop over MARCIA’s head.

    squeals of panic.

  29. Katcal I Aten't French !

    come on people !! more !!
  30. Orrdos God

    Scene: A Room

    Some time previously

    Ba and Garner are standing around

    You know what your problem is?

    Ba is sure he is about to be enlightened

    You're predictable. That's your problem

    Ba is not predictable! Why only last week he drowned that puppy in water! Not acid!

    Semantics! Fact is, you drowned that puppy. If you weren't predictable, you'd have given it a biscuit

    A poisoned biscuit?

    No! A tasty one!

    Ba looks puzzled

    Ba feels Garner is missing the point here. A tasty biscuit, would not infact kill the puppy. Rather, it would have followed Ba home. Then, before Ba knows it, he would be living in a twee world, of bird songs and singing with strangers in the street. Possibly a sun with a smile. This thought makes Ba sad.

    Hah! Hoisted by your own petard! If you weren't so god damn predictable, you wouldn't be so against that idea!

    Must Garner always hark on about petards? Ba expects that Garner doesn't even know what a petard is!

    I do! And don't change the subject!

    What is it then?

    It's.. like a... shut up.

    Ah, nothing like a bit of witty riposte

    Fuck you. Anyway, this is getting off the subject. You'e predictable.

    And Garner is like a broken record. And that record is "barbie girl", by the mid nineties "popular" music group "Aqua"

    Garner glares

    Ok, then I suggest we settle this by means of a challenge!

    Ba is not duelling again. Ba is fed up of being awake at dawn.

    No, not a duel! I've come up with something different this time. Besides, I've lost my glove.

    Ba sighs

    Ok, what is it?

    I want you to build a machine! A machine that can smite people from miles away!

    Ba stares

    And.... how will this show Ba's unpredictable?

    Garner thinks

    Fine.. you can also cook dinner. But something I don't expect!

  31. Mynona Member

    Om parks the UFO, that has now reverted into its car shape, in what looks like a regular back alley. Dumpsters line a wall but they’re filled to the brim and there’s also garbage on the ground. In the grey, dusty brick wall there is a red metal door with the sign ‘Entry’ in green letters above it. From somewhere the sound of metal against stone can be heard and the yowling of a cat.

    Om exits the car/UFO and bangs the door. She goes over to the passenger side and drags the hitchhiker out and closes that door too.

    Come! We need to speak with Buzz!

    I’m pretty sure I don’t want to speak with Buzz, any Buzz!

    Come on! She’s not going to bite you. (mutters under her breath) Probably.


    He doesn’t get further because by now Om has dragged him to the door and opened it, despite his efforts not to go anywhere near it.

    Again we see the insides of the costume shop, except now it’s closed and the lighting isn’t very good. Some very odd shadows are moving amongst the racks of clothes.

    Buzz! Are you here?

    From somewhere behind a row of costumes a faint ‘yes’ can be heard. A head pops up from behind and we can see that Buzz is the shopkeeper Miss Floyd from the earlier scene.

    YOOM! I didn’t know you were coming. And who is this apparent stranger?

    Before the Hitchhiker has a chance to answer Om breaks in
    A hitchhiker I picked up along the road. He might get helpful. Any word from the others?

    Marcia was here earlier, her communication device had broken down and she was in need of a replacement. Though there was a police officer by earlier showing a picture of the GGG asking if I’d seen him. Ha! They are up to something, I can feel it.

    Asking if you’d seen the GGG? Imagine that. I was almost trampled to death earlier, by one of his minions, no doubt. I only got away because of my mad driving skillz!

    When she mentions driving the Hitchhiker pales.

    Om contines talking
    Incidentally that was what made me pick this Hitchhiker up. (she points at the hitchhiker)

    That is quite a tale, I hope you weren’t hurt.

    Nah, I’m not the king of Prussia for nothing.

    Well, it’s nice to have you here, let’s go into the back room.

    Buzz starts leading Om and the Hitchhiker to the same door they had entered through, the red metal one, though on this side the sign over the door says ‘Exit’
  32. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Come on, this must not die !!!

    Om, it's your turn ;)
  33. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    Crap, forgot about this. Will do it tonight. Promise. :)
  34. spiky Bar Wench

    No that I read over the whole thing you may have explain how Om and the hitchhiker get from an underground bunker in the desert to a back alley. this could be as simple as saying that all space is the same space thus being in a bunker is the same as being in an alley...
  35. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    Caption: Meanwhile back in Ba's secret underground lair....

    We see the long haired rabbit flopping down from the chair and shuffling out of the room. The camera follows it through several metal doors that open automatically. After descending down a long hallway, we come to a last door and when it opens we see behind it only a cage.

    Kat (whispering): Pssst. Hey. You there. Funny looking Scotsman. God.

    Orrdos (Yelling Loudly in a thick Scottish accent): WHAT? Who are ya? I don't see anyone there!! Show yourself, you snivelling coward!

    Kat: Look down you idiot.

    Orrdos: Ach...it's a wee bunny. Holy Feck, a talking bunny. Feck me. Whacha want little freaky talking bunny? Did Ba send you here to torment me? It would be just like him. Great just what I need, I bet you're the bunny I've heard so much about aye? Ba's best kept secret.

    Kat: What have you heard then?

    Orrdos: It is said that "Ba's lair is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth".

    From the shadows behind Orrdos there is a voice: What an eccentric performance.

    Kat (preening a bit): Ahh, you make me blush. I'm not that bad ass really.

    Orrods (Yelling at the voice behind him in the shadows): That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

    Kat: No, really, it's not me. I'm sure you've got me mistaken. You see, I'm really on your side. I came in here to let you two go.

    Orrdos (is not listening to anything Kat is saying and is getting increasingly agitated): Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

    Kat: You mangy Scots git!

    Orrdos: He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!!

    From the shadows the thing behind Orrdos dumps a bucket of water on his head. It leans forward into the light. The camera pans up and down. It's so big you can't tell what it is at first. Then it steps forward into the light and picks up the soaked Orrdos by the waist and puts him on his back.

    Kat: Thanks Fred, I know you're really the only one who can calm him down when he gets worked up like that. Anyway, here you go.

    The bunny hands the elephant the keys to the cage and starts to hop away.

    Fred (calling after Kat): Why? Why are you helping us?

    Kat: Something big and tentacled is coming. If something should happen to any of the Gods, Boardania will fall and the tripod will crumble. We need all the Gods out and operating at their best. And by that I mean, worst.

    Camera pans in on the bunny and for a split second you see some big, nasty, pointy teeth.

    Kat: And lets just say I have my other reasons. Muahahahhahahahaaaaaa....

    Fade out.
  36. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Muahahahahahahaha !! *preens*

    More, I command you all ! MORE !!!!
  37. Katcal I Aten't French !

    It's Ella's turn next, then Hsing's, is Ella around or is she just taking her time for once ? :cool:
  38. Delphine New Member

    Oh, I haven't been online much recently. And when I do come on it is to find I'm being rushed! Doors will tell you I hate being rushed, the poor man.

    My creative juices have been killed dead by tiredness, so I'm not going to do it tonight. But about 14 hours sleep should restore them.

    Also: I have to read the whole thing first. So you can expect it this weekend/the year 2160, whichever is funnier.
  39. Orrdos God

    Ella hates being rushed.

    Also: i hate being late.

    It's not a winning combination!
  40. Orrdos God

    I should point out that despite what that makes it sound like, we are infact an ACE couple.
  41. Tephlon Active Member

    Just permanently late/annoyed... :lol:

    Just like me and my girlfriend. Almost 9 years now.:eek:
  42. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Ella, we're not rushing you. We're prodding you. It was all Ben's idea. **waves the electric cattle-prod** Sleep well :lol:
  43. Delphine New Member

    Unhand me this instant, or I'll have you killed!

    The captors wind Marcia's own scarf around the bag on her head, securing it there. One picks her up and slings her over his shoulders.


    Ouch! PERVERT!

    Marcia realises the communication device is still on. Her wriggling ceases for a moment.


    Hey... who are you anyway?

    Oh, how rude of us. Did we not introduce ourselves to the little girl? Most remiss. Well, I suppose it's ok to do so now we've got your head wrapped in a tinfoil lined bag. Ho ho! Imagine us not disabling your snazzy communicator before revealing our true identity! You might have alerted your playmates! Ho ho ho ho ho!

    Little Marcia utters a string of profanity, not becoming in a girl her age.


    My name is Electric Eel. Of course that's not my real name, it's a code name. With me is CJ McPirate. Also a codename, in case you thought our parents just had no concept of playground taunts.

    Alright, shut up. For gods sake Ben, what's wrong with you?

    Er... what? Who's ben?

    I thought you and Chris were of different faiths anyway?

    We're united through Rangeology!

    MAY THE POWER OF... erm

    That's He-Man, you idiot.

    I took my cue from you!

    (With a large sigh)
    As all good Rangeologists should know, there is NO motto. Rather a visual display of unity and carefully choreagraphed kung fu, which I must say I'm not seeing, or rather feeling, from either of you. Do you even have your Second Division Symbols yet? Have you even got your own COLOUR? I bet you're both still Beige Rangettes. God, you newbs make me ill. You're only in it to be cool, aren't you. Well, let's see how cool you look in pink, because that's as high as you'll ever get, and everyone knows the Pink Rangers' only reason for being there is to lurk at the back blinding the opponent with flashes of garish neon as you bumble about kicking the air pretending to be dangerous!

    Ben and Chris exchange horrified looks.


    (Menacingly, or as menacingly as a small girl can sound)
    Put... me... down. NOW.

    Ben and Chris do so.

    Oh mighty Rangerlordzord...

    Save it. Now, tell me. Have we discovered where Garner is yet?

    He's at the House of Death.

    Idiot! He's in the Flower Rooms, miss. We had to hide him where that accursed alien wouldn't find him!


    I see... Well, er, good work. Go away now.

    Ben and Chris bow clumsily, and then walk away, casting confused glances back at Marcia.


    I didn't see her PowerBelt, did you?

    She probably took it off so people wouldn't know.

    Didn't she seem a bit... young?


    She knew everything though! And you bowed wrong!

    They continue to bicker as they walk out of the scene.

    Cut back to Marcia.


    (through communicator)
    Just been kidnapped by a couple of Rangeology buffoons. Names Chris and Ben of Landania, I've questioned them in a past guise, not that they know that. Suspect they're not important enough to know a lot. They say Garner is in the Flower Rooms, or the House of Death. Infiltration advised. Also, this small child disguise is really annoying. Had those two oafs been sharper than a bowling ball, they would have realised that a person of my seeming age is not likely to be a Rangelordzord. Requesting permission to change shape. Over.
  44. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Hsing, you are excused for your lateness due to some lame excuse about not having internet. But still, if something isn't posted soon, I will have to use the cattle-prod.

    After Hsing it's back to chris again...
  45. Hsing Moderator

  46. Hsing Moderator

    The camera zooms from the outside of a crowded street into a busy coffee shop. It wanders between the tables until it arrives in the darker corners in the background of the café, where people sit in niches, many behind the monitors of laptops.

    The camera then arrives at one such table in a niche, and a voice becomes first audible, then the words can be understood; a woman is agitatedly talking, or rather hissing over the table, to a man:
    „...you now, I am in fucking trouble! And I really hate waiting! I texted you I have no time to loose!“
    “Well, see it that way…” The man, almost embarrassed by his upset companion, even though no one seems to be looking at them, raises his hands in the universally defensive manner that says “Look, I am unarmed and come in peace, do not bite my head off.”

    “See it that way, Hsing: A few weeks ago, you were still tied to some rock in Greece. Yeah? And please… remember I had to drive here, by public transport, and walk a few blocks, whereas you just zap yourself into existence…”

    “NO, my friend! Not that easy. The world has changed. Hadn’t my mind been wandering all the time, I would… it has all become so… crowded! I couldn’t risk arriving my usual old way, there is no place where I can appear unseen! So, I walked all the way from the ruin of a run down school two miles from here…and even there… but the kids thought they were suffering a drug induced hallucination, I think… at least…”

    “And what exactly… hey… Hsing? The text said, “THEY let me go, and gave me a mission. And I badly messed up.” What!?How?!”

    She blushes, then gets angry again: “They should have given me a fucking description! I didn’t bother with the young deities of Boardania! I never thought I would need such knowledge again. How should I KNOW?”
    The man gulps.

    “You know the background story?” Hsing asks him.
    “Yes. What you know, I know.”
    “Hokay. I was to collect the missing parts of the captured deity, Orrdos. You know how long it took them to notice he had split off part of his persona? He MUST have been clever, at one point in his existence. Well… I found the elephant. And I found the snails. They had their reasons to give me that job, I am sure I don’t have to explain?”
    A vein on the man’s forehead starts to throb.

    “…both?” he croaks, a big lump in his throat.

    “Yes.” She takes a deep breath. “I brought them to the given… adress.”
    He pales, but she is too agitated to notice, a constant state of mind of hers after having been chained to a rock for several millenia.
    “The door opened. I followed the white rabbit.”
    He nods.
    “Into a kitchen. There was smoke everywhere, and it STANK, and then there was this guy… Well, to me it looked as if his hair was on fire, and he didn’t notice, so I took that damn salad bowl, dipped it into the kitchen sink where some vegetable stuff was swimming in water, I am very quick, you know, and… I was trying to help you know! Couldn’t know it is his usual look.”
    He remained silent…
    Then he asked in a whisper: “You tried to… put out the fire?”
    “Did so, yes.”

    The waitress chooses this very moment to arrive, a young blond woman in a frilly apron that was probably meant to be ironic, and a smile that definitely was: “Can I help you? More coffee perhaps?”
    “No thanks”, said the man.
    “Yes!” Hsing almost shouted.
    “NO!” bellowed the man.
    The waitress raised an eyebrow and dissapeared.
    “Huh? Yeah. You know. Zzzing… gone I was.”

    “And the… snails?”

    Cut to the desert, where the sun is setting.

    The blurry edges of the picture as well as the sepia colours indicate what we see is a flashback, and has thus happened in the past.

    With the sound an overlarge switchblade might make when zipping out of its handle, a woman pops into existance out of nothing. She is wearing plain clothes, except that they are dripping wet, and she carries an overlarge messenger bag. A close up reveals her eyebrows and hair are singed. Her hands are shaking as she takes out a cardboard box with breathing holes in it, and places it on the dusty floor. In the background, the sky starts flickering with a faraway thunderstorm.
    She steps back a little and ponders, her eyes on the box. “Now what do I do with you? As soon as they have got you, it is back to the rock with me… And boys, is that a boring existance…”
  47. chrisjordan New Member


    The back room was dark and dingy. Symptomatic of back rooms, I thought. I was sat at a small table, a lone lightbulb swinging bare above my head. Shadows swam across their faces as they appeared in the doorway.

    I calmly lit a cigarette, slouched back in my seat. Puffed smoke. Let the cigarette hang dangerously from my mouth.

    'Who's he?' demanded the alien.

    'I don't know,' the shopkeeper told her, her shiny bald head glinting in the dim light. She shifted her spectacles uneasily. 'He showed up right before you did. He said he had something important to tell me.'

    The alien looked at me, then back at the shopkeeper. 'What is it?' she asked.

    The shopkeeper shrugged and sat down at the table. The others followed suit. 'He was just about to tell me,' she said.

    I surveyed all three of them with cool blue eyes. My gaze locked on the third figure, in his camouflage shirt and cap. 'What's with the tramp?' I commented. I smirked at the effectiveness of my cold-hearted wit as the man glared.

    'He's not a tramp,' said the alien, her hands and tentacles resting on the table. 'He's a hitchhiker. I found him in the desert.'

    I tipped my fedora over my eyes in a gesture of disinterest. I then had to lift my head to see them waiting. 'So you wanna hear the news?' I said.

    They nodded.

    I removed the cigarette from my lips, threw it on the floor and ground it with my heel. Then I leaned forward, tipped my fedora back up so they could see the shady earnestness of my eyes. 'Spiky's dead,' I said.

    They gasped.

    'Who's Spiky?' asked the hitchhiker.

    'The one we met in the cave!' squealed Om. Her tentacles squirmed and coiled. 'But we just came from there!'

    I shrugged. 'I was tracking down a minion of Triple G. Name of Plaid. I'd been hearing reports, guys sayin' that she was hurtin' some people. What in hell's goin' on with those gods is anybody's guess. I'll just keep my motives nice and mysterious, but suffice to say I was interested. I had a sniff around and my sources led me to the residence of this old woman...'

    * * *


    The greenhouse is large, warehouse-sized, and attached to an even bigger mansion. Sunlight filters pleasantly through the glass. Flowers of every shape and size are illuminated.

    An old lady in a wide-brimmed purple hat hums as she waters some plants on a long wooden table with a tiny watering can. In old, shuffly movements, she then makes her way over to a tall, wide-leaved fern-type plant positioned by the glass. As she approaches, Fedora Man steps neatly out from behind it, a silver pistol in his hand.

    Put 'em up!

    OLD LADY (voice quivering):
    Ooh, goodness! Goodness gracious! Who are you?!

    Fedora Man steps forward, his long coat swishing behind him. The gun is still trained on the old lady.

    What do you want, you horrible man?!

    I'm lookin' for Plaid.

    Never heard of her! Kindly remove yourself from my property!

    Her? How did you know--

    Don't make me get my broom!


    The old lady wails pitifully. In an angry fit, she hurls the watering can. Fedora Man unsuccessfully deflects it with his face.

    Damn you!

    He fires a haphazard shot; a terracotta pot shatters by the old lady's feet as she shuffles for escape. Heavy percussion and fast-paced action music kick in-- THE CHASE IS ON.


    She is on the floor. The music ends. Fedora Man stands over her.

    OLD LADY (scowling):
    I intend to write a strongly-worded letter about this, you know! At least two full sides of my special cream stationery paper!

    Fedora Man lifts her up from the ground and shoves her against the wooden table. Pots and plants scatter.

    Such disrespect! You violent man! I bet you're a reckless driver, too! You know, during the war, we didn't have violence! But the youth of today! Why, they ought to bring back corporal punishment!

    Fedora Man grabs her by the collar and holds the pistol to her face.

    FEDORA MAN (through gritted teeth):
    Listen, lady, I know your type! I know that you fill up all the bus seats and that you ain't even goin' noplace! You ain't foolin' me!

    OLD LADY (eyes narrowed):
    A good whipping! That'll teach you some manners!

    I know Plaid came by here! What did she want?!

    The old lady scrutinises him.

    OLD LADY (eventually):
    A huge ball of wool.


    She's gone into the desert! Into a vast cave! But you're too late!

    She cackles unpleasantly.

    You can't stop her now! The end is nigh for Spiky!

    * * *


    The expressions of those around the table were grim.

    'And she was dead when you got there?' asked the shopkeeper.

    I nodded. 'Plaid had already made her move.'

    * * *


    Spiky is walking down one of the many aisles of dark consoles. During the rhythmic sound of her steps, she realises that there is another sound present, slightly off-kilter with her feet. Click-click, click-click, click-click.

    She pauses, and it continues. Click-click, click-click...

    She turns. Cut to Plaid, sat on a chair at the end of the aisle, knitting. Cut to close-up of knitting needles, working away. Click-click, click-click...

    Who are you?

    Plaid looks up.

    I have knitted a scarf.

    She withdraws the needles. Cue desperate and uncomfortable camera angles, each change in skewed perspective accompanied by an orchestral screech.

    It is fat and red.

    Psychotic angles switch again; now she is stood.

    I have knitted a scarf.

    And again.

    It is fat and red.

    She advances, repeating the words over and over.

    I have knitted a scarf...

    The plump red scarf closes in on Spiky's face. Her scream is muffled.

    A final dramatic side-shot shows her falling to her knees.

    Then black-out.

    * * *


    'But why? asked the alien, her voice barely a whisper.

    I shrugged.

    'It makes no sense!' declared the shopkeeper.

    The hitchhiker looked at us blankly.

    We sat in silence for several minutes.

    'There was another thing,' I said eventually, stroking my chin in thought. 'That old lady...she had a huge beard.'

    The alien and the shopkeeper exchanged glances.

    I raised an eyebrow. 'What?'

    'Garner!' the alien replied. 'He set the whole thing up! He sent Plaid after Spiky and he sent you after her!'

    'Garner?' I asked, incredulous. 'Are you serious?!'

    The shopkeeper nodded in apparent agreement. 'Whoever your informant was, Mr Detective, they were obviously under his influence too.' She sighed. 'He was literally right under your nose... you could have had him!'

    'But why would he send me after Plaid?' I asked.

    'He's playing with us,' said the shopkeeper. 'Sending us a message. A warning. As if the Zords and Rangers weren't enough, he's showing that he can get to us before we get to him.' She thumped the table. 'How deviously elaborate!'

    'Wait,' said the alien, looking at me. 'How did you know to come here?'

    I shrugged. I was doing a lot of shrugging. 'I found an alien costume in the cave,' I told her. 'I tracked down its origin.'

    The shopkeeper then rose to her feet. 'Fellow aliens, detectives, and random hitchhikers,' she announced. 'We must proceed with caution. Garner has shown us that he is more devious and dangerous than we first thought!'
  48. Electric_Man Templar


    Doorsnail slithers into the shadow of a cactus as a raven hovers overhead. He keeps as still as he can, in the hope that it won't spot and eat him.

    The camera switches to the raven, who is revealed to have something indeterminately round hanging from its mouth. It swoops towards the cactus and drops the round thing.

    Doorsnail looks aghast at the thing dropped in front of him.


    The raven caws above and Doorsnail looks up in terror. He backs as far as he can to the cactus. The raven lands on the ground and hops towards the snail, swaying its head from side-to-side, weighing up the snail. The raven continues going forward and stops barely 6 inches away from Doorsnail, who freezes in terror.


    Doorsnail gapes.

    How do you know my name? And how can you speak snailish?

    Firstly, it's not your real name. Secondly, I'm not a real raven. Thirdly, you aren't a real snail.


    You are part of the deity Orrdos. You took this form to protect yourself, but now that protection is fading.

    Doorsnail looks at his dead love.

    Yes. She died because of it. Ba has been trying to kill her for some time, to test your protection. Yesterday, he succeeded.
    As soon as it happened, a beacon, that you secretly put into her, called out to me.

    This Ba must die.

    I concur. You may find it easier to do that if you resume your true form.


    Easy. Consume the beacon.

    Doorsnail looks horrified towards the corpse of his love.

    You can't ask me to do that!

    I can and have. You must do it.

    Doorsnail shakes his head.
    You can grant her life afterwards.

    Doorsnail looks up at this and moves towards Ella. He moves his face close to hers and kisses her gently. Then he pulls away, tears running down his face.

    I... can't do it.

    Oh... Very well.

    In one swift movement, the raven picks up Ella in his beak, he chews whilst keeping his eye on Doorsnail. As the snail opens his mouth to protest, the raven expertly spits directly into the open orifice.

    Doorsnail swallows as a reflex. Almost immediately, the sand around him forms an expanding whirlwind. The raven flies away to a safe distance.

    The whirlwind rises, lightning bolts fire down onto it, multi-coloured lights sparkle from within. Eventually, the whirlwind slowly sinks back to the ground to reveal a tall skinny man dressed in a tatty tartan suit. He grins, his teeth illuminating the raven.


    Orrdos brings a finger down and touches the raven, who transforms into a donkey in an instant.

    Good to have you back. Now, where to?

    Orrdos ponders.


    Orrdos climbs onto the donkey's back and they vanish.

    By the cactus, a snail called Ella watches them disappear.

    What the hell just happened?
  49. spiky Bar Wench

    Scene: Underground Bunker

    We start with a black screen, eyes drift open to reveal Plaid wacking the computer equipment with a baseball bat. Muffled cackling laughter can be heard.

    Fade back to black.

    Eyes open again to show a man in a fedora hat walking away.

    Fade back to black

    New camera angle shows spiky open eyes slowly.


    Rolls over and slowly and painfully crawls to a corner of the room.

    Camera from spiky's perspective shows spiky's tentacles open a hidden panel with a button inside that is labeled "GARNER".

    A tentacle reaches out and presses the button.

    Eyes close. Fade to black.
  50. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Scene : Int. The Ba Cave. The Kat-rabbit is sitting in the big, black leather seat (the usual Baddies Inc. model, the one with the buttons on the arm-rest...) in the center of the command room. she is smoking an indecently large cigar, wearing rabbit-sized dark glasses and pressing the buttons on the arm-rest (see, told you !).

    The camera cuts to show the surveillance screens from the bunny's point of view. On one screen, Ba is walking towards the Ba-mobile, a stylish black sports car with fluffy dice and pink carpet on the inside. And tainted windows, of course, so no-one else will ever know. Ba twirls his mustache and climbs in, then the car races out of the secret door, past the retracting bush and barrier, and away.

    Perfect. The coast is clear.

    She presses a button and the security cameras show Fred and Orrdos leaving the cells and making their way cautiously along a corridor. Kat smiles and presses a different button. Immediately, a large inflatable mattress appears out of the floor in front of her, and at the same time, the floor of the corridor they are in gives way and the elephant and his friend are dropped down a chute. The camera follows them as they slide around in the large tube, going down.

    What the fecking feck is happ'nin here !

    Woohhhhhhhh !

    The ceiling in the command room opens and the two drop out onto the inflatable mattress, Orrdos appearing first, of course, and Fred landing on top of him, as things should be.

    Kat (laughing)
    Well if it isn't Laurel and Hardy !

    She presses a button and the mattress where the two are now floundering deflates and disappears into the floor.

    Fred (dusting himself off and getting up off Orrdos who is still spreadeagled on the floor)
    Look, you could have just brought us here, what's with all these trapdoors and stuff ?

    Oh come now, that wouldn't be any fun at all ! (she takes another drag on the cigar)
    Fred, the snails are safe, Mal has made contact, Doors has been revived. You must take Orrdos to meet him, they must become one again.
    *Muttering to herself* Damn horcrux plot line, load of crap if you ask me...

    What was that last bit ?

    Nothing, nothing, you must meet them at the usual place, Mal will make sure he's there. You have one hour to...

    Suddenly, an alarm sounds, interrupting her, the lights go down and red lights start flashing.

    Holy tofu ! The Garner alarm ! Spiky ! What the...

    She jumps off her seat, shedding cigar and glasses, and hops away down a small shaft under the monitor bank. Orrdos picks up the cigar, takes a puff and turns to Fred.

    Ach. Whut's up, duck ?
  51. Katcal I Aten't French !

  52. Gypsy New Member

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