Things learned today...

Discussion in 'BOARDANIA' started by mazekin, Dec 31, 2007.

  1. redneck New Member

    Really? I always loved helping mom shell the eggs. All you have to do is make sure you get under the membrane and then it slides right off.
  2. jaccairn New Member

  3. Katcal I Aten't French !

  4. mazekin Member


    I've since been told my problem is I'm not boiling it long enough. So I'm going to try that one again once the egg has been in long enough. I'm looking forward to it!

    I am now sending this to my sister :D The little man has realised what vocal cords do.
  5. Joculator The 'Old' Fool

    Today I lost my faith in humanity.
    A friend and myself are organizing a Halloween Ceilidh in aid of the Guide Dogs. My neighbours two young daughters (aged 7 and 9) and a friend (7) decided to do their bit to "help the doggies".
    So far they have spent two days going around the area washing cars and have presented me with a stack of loose change, almost £30 worth. A very nice gesture. Then one of them told me how much one of the residents of a nearby and newly built residential development (housing estate sounds so council'ish) had given them.

    The girls had been keeping a list of donations so they could present a small gift to the lady and gentleman who'd given them the most money. Another nice thought but this penny pinching cretin just threw a handful of coins into the bucket and announced she "would prefer her donation to remain anonymous to prevent her conscience from becoming too arrogant".

    As it was the last job for the day, it didn't take them long to count up the amounts they'd written down and see how much this model of generosity had donated.

    Exactly.... 9p :shock:

    Maybe it's because they've just moved into a £320,000 house they haven't got much money left.... Nah I'm just making up excuses for the mean bitch!

    Ah well five minute rant over. I hope her bloody wheels go square :D
  6. mazekin Member

    1. Walking into the large, little-used exercise equipment in the corner of the sitting room in bare feet hurts like the dickins. Yes, I am accident prone.

    2. I haven't used the phrase 'hurts like the dickins' in a long time.

    3. For some reason our computer system in work can no longer handle nice little symbols like ' or " which is causing so much havoc across the globe it's not even funny any more. It's so hard to direct someone to change a certain word in a sentence without being able to highlight it in any way. Stupid morons...

    4. My nephew managed to pee into his mouth today while getting his nappy changed. I'm a mixture of oddly proud and slightly nauseous at the fact.
  7. Buzzfloyd Spelling Bee

    Is this how you try to drag me back onto the boards from Baby World?
  8. Katcal I Aten't French !

    It is indeed one of my subtle ploys... See, it worked ;)
  9. mazekin Member

    War of the Worlds scared the bejesus out of me the first time I watched it, and it scared the bejesus out of me tonight again. And no, I wasn't scared because of Tom Cruise...though that is always a distinct possibility...
  10. mazekin Member

    It is very easy to lose a mobile phone and pratically impossible to find it again.
  11. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Funny, I learned that yesterday too... and it's very stressful when that phone happens to be your auxiliary brain...
  12. Hsing Moderator

    1. If your glitter liner is clogged up, don't press too hard, or you invent drag-in-a-tube.
    2. Even the most solitary cats will team up if it's for the sake of committing destructive acts.
    3. Emily isn't that rare as a name in Eastern Germany.
    4. If you give a birthday invitation to the wrong Emily, your daughter will be mad at you.
    5. Facebook tends to swallow all other social internet activities. It seems.
  13. randywine Member

    Hi Hsing,

    I've read this line about ten times and still don't get it at all.

    Can you enlighten me. Please...

  14. Hsing Moderator

    You now these vaguely tube like glitter sticks, so you can write in glitter for example on birthday invitations, or when scrapbooking?
    Like these:
    ...just longer and more pen-shaped.
    The top had clogged up, and so I pressed the thing really hard.
    Just imagine an all over instant green glitter make up, accidentally applied with a bang in less than a second.
  15. randywine Member

    I'm with you now.

  16. mazekin Member

    Flat pack, self assembly furniture was created by Satan himself.

    If you are buying a self-assembly unit for an alcove, measure both the top, middle and bottom of the alcove, because 40+ years ago, builders could not make a wall in a straight line; it will get narrower towards the top and the d*%m thing won't fit.

    Invest in a plane*

    Make sure to have a good supply of plasters on hand.

    *Woodworking tool, not a jet.
  17. Lyia New Member

    I learned, if you have something in your room that you do not want other people to see, it is a bad idea to let two four old boys to play in there. My friend let her son and his friend play while she and the other boys mom cooked. When I came into the house, the boys said, "Hi Lynda, we made a mess in mommies room." Upon investigating I saw the boys had gotten into my friends, "naughty box" and got lubricant, and other lotions all over her room. Plus they found a few other items that I won't mention here.
  18. redneck New Member

    That is hilarious. Boys should always be locked outside to play. Preferably chained close to the street with a long chain. It keeps them out of trouble that way.
  19. mazekin Member

    The song Hernando's Hideaway still has the power to make me smile
  20. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Ice is weaaaaally swippewy... (Knew that already but was painfully reminded of it recently...)
  21. Joculator The 'Old' Fool

    It's a funny habit, but as you get older, you keep looking at people your own age and think to yourself, 'My God, surely I don't look that old!'

    Well life being the bitch that she is, put me in a funny situation this morning.
    I was visiting my mate at his music shop in the town and enjoying a cup of coffee when a stroppy customer came bursting in, made straight for us and interrupted our conversation.
    I stepped back to avoid being crushed by her ample bulk and took a good look at her. The untidy grey hair, wrinkles and distinctive body odour had me thinking how some people let themselves go to rot as they get older.
    'Do you know anyone who can teach my grandson how to play the recorder?' she demanded.
    My mate, always the gentleman, pointed to me and simply said 'He can,' in a rather choked voice.

    She rounded on me as I automatically produced one of my cards and gave it to her.

    'Hmmm... Stan Tunstall-Otterburn. I used to know someone of that name when I was at school.'

    Aged memory circuits clicked into action. I remembered a tall, slim, athletic redhead whom I'd spent several weeks trying to persuade to go to the cinema with me.

    'I went to Chester Road School,' she continued ,'were you there?'

    'Well... errr... yes.'

    'You must remember me then... you were in my class.'

    At this point because of her attitude, my humour and total bastard circuits became confused... All I could say was...

    'Sorry... What subject did you teach?'

    I still reckon I'm not that old....
  22. mazekin Member

    Joc, I take my hat off to you; that was excellent!
  23. Hsing Moderator

    With everything stored in cardboard boxes you don't need every day, things don't get tidier. On the contrary, chaos ensues, just as if you'd just piled everything up on a heap the floor.
  24. Tephlon Active Member

    I learned today (well, yesterday, actually) that there are people that take corners wide and too fast, on wet pavement, and then still try to blame you when they crash their car into yours.

    Accident picture
  25. Hsing Moderator

    Hooray for airbags! And once people have stated something -no matter how obviously stupid- they usually stick to it. :(
  26. Tephlon Active Member

    Actually, Anabela's airbag didn't go off, because she was stopped at the moment of impact. His however did. She's a bit sore and has some bruises from the seatbelts.
  27. mazekin Member

    I may have caused WWIII in my family because of a pesky little 8.8 earthquake in Chile...and a couple of hundred aftershocks...and the Irish and English Foreign Office saying 'don't bloody well go there!'...oh, and a Tidal Wave...My bad...

    Sometimes I wish I was an only child...
  28. mazekin Member

    Carrots make a mess when they explode in the microwave
  29. spiky Bar Wench

    So does one M&M.

    I've learnt that you can never provide students with too much information or options. No matter what you do there will always be someone who pops up with "but..."
  30. Katcal I Aten't French !

    I have learned that one can, amazingly, have too much cake.
  31. Bezoomnycheena New Member

    As a student, I agree entirely :surprised: but... I've found teachers can be just as argumentative.
  32. mazekin Member

    Vodka is apparently a good treatment for cold sores. I am trying it out, and I will let you know if it works or not...finally, some use for the bottle under the sink that's been there for the past 2 years...
  33. DEATHOFRATS New Member

    Teaching a group of children becomes less fun the older and less english-speaking the children are. For example, a group of Catalan secondary school students will make fun of you, and you will not know what they are saying. It also doesn't help if you're not much older than them, or support the wrong football team.

    Lesson learned.
  34. mazekin Member

    Sometimes my dreams are so good, and my memory is so bad that I can't remember if it really happened or not. Thankfully I'm sane enough to realise that it usually didn't...
  35. mazekin Member

    Spent a good few hours today in work freaking because it's that time of year for Quarterly Reports to be handed in to our new boss (the same guy that once tried to set fire to my desk, and that I used to throw paperclips into his dreadlocks), and on inspection, most of my Feedback reports had gone up by an average of 10%. I worried, and worried, and worried, and tried to fudge the data, but ended up shutting the document down and going outside with a friend to chew on another cigarette to calm my nerves...we agreed to rant for 5 mins each on what was bugging us today, with a 2 minute 'it'll be just fine, don't worry, it's not your fault' verification from the other person. She went first. On my turn, I was about 10 seconds into my 'I'm so screwed' rant when she started laughing and gave me a big hug. Muggins here hadn't realised that it's 'Up is good' 'down is bad'. For 2 damned years...//facepalm//

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