Things learned today...

Discussion in 'BOARDANIA' started by mazekin, Dec 31, 2007.

  1. mazekin Member

    1. It is wise to always know where your cigarette is in relation to your body and whatever it is you are doing. Answering your phone with it in your mouth and accidentally hitting the phone off the lit end, making said end fall into your clevage is seriously not a good thing to have done. It hurts, burns and will leave a mark.

    2. When removing a burning ember from within your clothing, it is a good thing not to do it when sitting on your faveourite blanket. Inevitably, a piece of it will scorch your faveourite blanket, making your curse like the dickens.

    3. Never, ever let anyone in your family know about points 1 and 2. They will make your life a living hell.

    4. It is unwise to try to remove a box of chocolate from a 3 year old's hands. They will scream and it won't be pretty. Even if it was your chocolate in the first place.

    5. The bulb in the bathroom light will go out at 1 in the morning when all the shops around are closed and you have a guest staying. Sorry Cousin Brian, but you will have to pee in the dark. Please try and hit the mark.

    6. Catwoman, while not the best movie in the world, wasn't actually that bad. I will admit to that in any court of your choosing.

    7. I love Lolcats ā€˜nā€™ Funny Pictures - I Can Has Cheezburger? it makes me laugh. Funny cats. I will not admit to that in court.

    8. It is wise to make sure that you can see out of the back window of your car before reversing. You might nearly hit your neighbour.

    9. My neighbour has a good sense of humour. And will not sue.

    10. My sister really wants me to buy a dog. No matter how many times I tell her I want a cat.

    11. I do not learn from my mistakes. Please see points 1 and 2...and possibly 8.
  2. Rewr New Member

    Er... wee question re point no.4?

    What on earth were you doing - letting a child near your chocolate?:shock:

    Isa greedy selfish chocoholic. Even the dog, mayhecausemayheminheaven, knew not to mooch chocolate off me:lol:
  3. Buzzfloyd Spelling Bee

    Sounds like an eventful Christmas, Maz!
  4. Katcal I Aten't French !

    1. Never believe mechanics, especially when they make you order a 300ā‚¬ wheel hub on the sole basis of "some other guy in a tyre changing place said the wheel hub looked wonky" without bothering to check aforesaid wheel hub.

    2. When you go in to have the wheel hub changed and they find out there is nothing wrong with the original one, stand up for yourself when the idiot guy who made you order it without checking says he won't take it back.

    3. Never believe mechanics. Especially not when you're unemployed, broke, and it's the middle of the christmas season.

    4. Don't even think about going shopping on new year's eve, even if you really don't have anything left to eat in the house. Except cherry liqueur chocolates.
  5. mazekin Member

    12. Today, apparently, is the day I ruined several peoples New Years resolutions.:) I learned not to bring in two tins of sweets and chocolates to work. And Hazelnut Whirls hurt when hurled at you by someone who plays camogie.

    13. Boss man is still a wanker. Miracles do not happen overnight, nor do they happen over Christmas. Bah. Humbug.

    14. Realised why my brother is moving to a different town. He's got a new girlfriend who lives even further away than it. Think he is trying to tell us something but I can't quite put my finger on it.

    15. Cheap nail varnish is worth less than you paid for it.

    16. My cousins 3 year old chocolate stealing girl no longer likes me. Boo Hoo.

    17. If you leave work for a week and a does build up. And my boss has no problem with approaching me knowing that I have a week and a half worth of work to catch up on, tell me I am now the proud owner of a new project, I'm covering reception while the silly mares go and celebrate someones birthday and would I mind having that report she didn't bother telling me about ready by tomorrow morning.

    18. The death stare does not work any more. See Above.

    19. Hold a six month old baby for any longer than five minutes and you will be covered in drool. No matter how cute baby is.

    20. My car is a heap of shite and people will honk at you if your car decides to completely lose all power in the middle of a junction. It is also impossible to get a reliable garage to work on your car directly after New Year.
  6. Rewr New Member

    er, Happy New Year?
  7. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Number 1 for today: Youth Hostels. It's all in the name. If you're not a Youth, and therefore don't party until 4am, and especially if you have to get up and go to a job interview the next day, stay away even if it is the only accomodation you can afford in the whole city.

    2. Italians suck, especially when drunk at 4am when you're trying to sleep :D
  8. mowgli New Member

    Ouch, Katcal... Hope your interview went well! ::Fingers crossed for luck::
  9. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Things learned today:

    No matter how bad your most comfortable shoes look, if you have to run around a city all day between interviews, go with the comfy shoes, or your feet will wait until you're asleep and then strangle you.

    QWERTY sucks.
  10. Rewr New Member

    Hope your successful with your interviews.
  11. Rewr New Member

    Things I've learned today...

    Lad in office has no new years resolutions - still a liar, still lazy... Probably still thinks we (others in office, including moi) are stupid.

    Pigs still fly :D
  12. mazekin Member

    How true, how true! The worst is when you end up cutting both your ankles and your toes on them. I hope the interviews become worth it!

    Rewr, Pigs are very aerodynamic animals. I thought everyone knew that :)

    On a side note, I'm smoking again and I just had a Chinese. I have re-learned that New Years Resolutions do not last ;)
  13. spiky Bar Wench

    Well no wonder. The Chinese are not known for their curing power of addictions, especially smoking being such prodigious smokers themselves. Having a Chinese likely got you a hit of nicotine that reignited your brain to its craving and said "smoke a cigarette NOW!"
  14. mazekin Member

    I dread to think what having an Indian would do:D
  15. Saccharissa Stitcher

    1. Don't go to Sephora with your perfume-loving best friend. You will leave this place as good as high
  16. mazekin Member

    With an inch or two of snow, Ireland grinds to a halt. Not a bad feat to manage to do that to a country!
  17. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Today : don't try to fight your umbrella when it's raining and windy the chances are it will fight back and win.
  18. Pepster New Member

    Boxing day when cleaning the car at my sisters business (to circulvent water restrictions).

    1. Don't stand on the edge of a cement manhole of a septic tank, I went through and was dangling a few inches above the water level when I caught myself. I was lucky.

    Nasty grazes, a ripped up thumb and a hurt ego to show for myself.

    2. My girlfriend is good at first aid.
  19. mazekin Member


    Today I learned that not all car mechanics are skiving schemers only out to make a quick buck. Having my car well again only cost me 38 euro.
  20. Violet New Member

    Things learned this Holiday season...

    1. Do not spend your entire Holiday break with Boyfriends 15y.o. daughter who hates your guts.
    2. Do not spend any part of said Holiday break volunteering to do projects with above.
    3. Do not spend or waist time on boyfriends 11y.o. son who refuses to learn to read.
  21. Rewr New Member

    Another reason why I hate wheelie bins...

    They damage my plants when blown over in high winds.

    Just had to rescue said plants from being crushed, dragged wheelie bin to other side of garden, strategically placed to fall on path. Yeah right - that is the plan.
    What will probably happen is that during the night the two bins will have travelled the width of the garden , and have leaped upon defenceless plants, breaking pots in process.
  22. mazekin Member

    Mine, with four large rocks on the top to stop everything blowing away, managed to make it's way down the garden path, through the open gate, turn without tipping and move about nine feet down the path until it came to rest against a wall. And it did all that without falling over or spilling everything.

    1. I have learned today that a 2 hour car journey in a Ford Fiesta with five grown & some overweight adults is not fun. Nor is the return journey. And for some god awful reason, I always end up having to sit in the middle of the back seat. I hate that place.

    2. My cousin's new baby Lily is a cutie-pie.

    3. Don't let your aunt declare that a certain rugby player who is on screen is a load of crap, out loud, in the middle of a crowded pub...because that player's mother just might be sitting beside you...:shock: Auntie Emily, insert foot here...
  23. Rewr New Member

    It was down again within 10 minutes! Its due to the way my house sits in relation to wind direction - had a wall built as I was fed up having to replace the fence!

    Unwritten rule - whomever has the smallest arse, sits in the middle...:lol:

    Used to be me, till I grew bigger than mum (not hard - she's a size 8 (6 US).


    There's no telling some folk...

    Hope you escaped unscathed.

    My lesson today, it's one that I will not get it through my thick head... well I tend to ignore on occasion..

    Don't tell dad what your plans are until the last possible moment...

    Had my new tent delivered to mum and dads:

    D: Not very big...

    R: It sleeps 3, its not meant to be for big camping trips - just sleeping in.

    D: There's no room for much else. If you were 6 ft you could have a problem.... We've still got the old camping stove - 2 rings and a grill, there's some gas too, not sure how much. No where to hang anything. Not much room once you've got your stuff in. You'll need a better mattress than that...

    R: Mum said. Think we might have to replace the rubber hose.

    D: Should be okay.

    R: When were you last camping? 20 years isn't it? I'll think I'll get a new one.

    D: you could take the this, that & the next thing... You're going by car, you could take quite a bit...

    R: (Thinking ye olde kitchen sink joke) I'm away on the Friday and back on the Monday - I won't need much.

    D: blah blah blah, drone, waffle, blah blah blah...

    Bless him, he means well, and likes to feel needed.:smile:
  24. mazekin Member

    As a side-note to this, Never, Ever tell dad the following:

    There is something wrong with my car. I'm bringing it to the Garage

    There is something wrong with the light in the bathroom

    There is something wrong with my boiler

    I have lots of room in my house (Insert crap here...quite literally. Especially if they have a key to your home)

    Um....anything that they can have an opinion on. I love my dad to pieces, but yes dad, there are some occasions when I do know what to do. You brought me up, I've spent the last 26 years listening to you and hearing you talk about fixing things. If I want your opinion I would add "What do you think I should do" at the end of those sentences.

    Also, never say "I know, Dad" That leaves you open for a whole 'nuther argument! (By the way, the best retort to the counter strike from Dad which is "You know everything, then, do you?" is "Yes, actually, I do." It's very hard for them to come back with anything after that.:smile: Oh yea, and remember, once finished saying that, duck. Really, really fast. Or run. Whichever floats your boat...
  25. Rewr New Member

    You are soooo right Mazekin.

    Alas, I feel sorry for me dad sometimes - he has to put up with me at times, and mum almost all the time. Sometimes he just wants a natter & I oblige - yup big softie really!

    I have had my revenge, and no doubt will again.

    My favourite a few years back, after a gruelling morning of conversation with dad, I went back (had to drop mum off), and asked him a question which I knew he would not know. Can't even remember the question now. But when he said 'Why are you asking me? I don't know.' I said 'but you're my dad you know everything...'

    The look on his face was priceless. I left pretty sharply.

    No doubt in a few months some thing else will be said, and like a dutiful daughter I will listen... uh huh, yeah, oh really...

    Unless he comes back with 'you take after me...':lol:

    The only time it is safe to 'I know' is to follow it up with 'you've told me that before'. Er will revise that to only safe if you haven't done what he advised you against doing. Just love those 'I told you so' lectures, along with 'you never listen to me'. Saying that 'I do listen I just decided to do my own thing..' never washes. No doubt should I have kids I'll just do similar things too, and continue the vicious circle...
  26. Faerie New Member

    Deer run away from oncoming vehicles, snow banks don't.
  27. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Selling the crappy books, CDs and DVDs that were hanging around gathering dust and have never been used can actually be quite a good idea. 80ā‚¬ for a pile of junk is not to be spat upon.
  28. mr_scrub New Member

    I was just on the site mentioned in 7. it's hilarious.
  29. redneck New Member

    Farting while wearing coveralls is quite miserable. The only escape hatch for the fumes is the neck hole. Have I mentioned that I don't like winter?
  30. Rewr New Member

  31. Rewr New Member

    It is too easy to turn your night to day, but not so easy to get it back again.

    Yup wide awake...:sad:
  32. Katcal I Aten't French !

    eBay is a strange and wonderful place.

    Also, people are weird.
  33. spiky Bar Wench

    Never rely on an unreliable person.

    You'd think I'd learn but he asked for the meeting yesterday, you'd think he could turn up for it today... Oh well will just have to kill time on company resources.
  34. Faerie New Member

    Finger painting is fun.
  35. mazekin Member

    The combination of carpeted stairs and socked feet is dangerous, and will lead to you hurting your shoulder/neck. Stopid stairs.

    Finishing a project you were volunteered for, and didn't want to take part in, is very, very nice.
  36. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Yesterday, I learned how to successfully replace a pane of window glass.

    The day before, I learned that carrying a large pane of window glass in the metro is not a good idea.

    Today, I will learn how to leave all the people, things and places I love behind and start a new life.

  37. Rewr New Member

    ::hugs:: tis just the beginning of another chapter...

    (Rewr reaches for box of tissues, sniff. enough!). Sending you positive thoughts hun...
  38. mazekin Member

    Don't worry, Katcal! New Beginnings are good things! Plus, it means you are even closer to me :smile: That's gotta be good, right!:D
  39. spiky Bar Wench

    Good luck Kat.

    You may yet learn that playing unending games of minesweep* is no way to get a thesis done...

    *review to be viewed soon on games review thread. I don't know it really is a game that only rewards you after hours of procrastination with a smily face in sunnies. I'm not feeling fulfilled people.
  40. mazekin Member

    If the person beside you in work has BO, it is very easy to start imagining that you too have BO. Even if you don't.
  41. Tiffany New Member

    speaking as someone who works in a depressingly male-dominated factory where they all love footie, you have my sympathies. especially on thursdays when they play 7-a-side after work... :sad:
  42. IgorMina New Member

    Today I learnt that it is always advisable to check you're not still wearing your open-toed slippers before venturing out into the slushy snow.

    Oops! :D
  43. missy New Member

    Today i learned that washing up multiplies. It doesn't matter how much you do, you end up looking like a comedy sketch or Mary Poppins with her carpet bag cos you just can't stop taking stuff out of the soapy water. I swear if i had fallen in i would have drowned.....and i still have some left to do before Dave comes in from work!
  44. mazekin Member

    That works for clothes washing too. You might have only worn two pairs of socks, but somehow, you end up putting eight into the machine. Same goes for Undies and bras.

    1. Today I learned that saying 'I am a fasting diabetic' when you are waiting to have blood tests taken, does not work as it should. Theoretically, according to all the doctors and nurses I've talked to, it should lump me up to the top of the queue. Instead, it took well over an hour. And I was the only one to say I was a diabetic, and got there a good hour before the damned place opened! Had to have a rotten hospital sandwich the moment I got out of there. Yeach!

    2. Hospital Sandwiches taste as bad as train sandwiches. Constructed of cardboard and pollyfilla.

    3. Having a needle repeatedly jabbed in both arms because the nurse can't find a vein hurts!

    4.People in work worry if I don't turn's kind of sweet really, even if my Team Manager knew I had a half day booked.

    6. It takes three days to get your driving licence posted out to you...yes, I finally applied for the real thing! Driving around on the certificate, not the best of ideas.
  45. redneck New Member

    Yeah, I hate it when my bras.... I mean, my tree cutting uniforms start to pile up. I have enough to last me two full weeks, but usually wash once or twice a week to keep the smell down in the house.
  46. Katcal I Aten't French !

    On wdnesday, I learned what a deep fried mars bar tastes like. not as bad as I thought, but once is enough.

    Yesterday, I learned that a life by the sea in a beautiful house is possible and not just a dream and that some people are just NICE.

    Today, I will endeavour to learn not to wince when paying large amounts of money for shared accomodation.
  47. mazekin Member

    Today I learned just how messy feeding an 8month old boy yoghurt can be. And to wear old clothes when doing so.

    I learned that said 8 month old can build up one heck of a lot of speed in a walker. And also that one's ankles are quite vulnerable to attack from an 8 month old boy in a walker. It also enables him to be able to reach a dryer and turn it off, open the door & take all the contents out (with yoghurty hands)

    I also learned yet another reason for me not to like yoghurt.

    I learned that my mom is getting evil in her old age. Instead of baking / cooking with sugar, she is using sweeteners. And not telling my father. heh heh heh. He hasn't worked it out yet :smile:

    Yesterday I learned that when you mean to throw out old trainers, do so. Do not leave them under the bed for a couple of months until you completely forget why you left them there in the first place, take them out and wear them on an hour long walk so that half an hour through it you become crippled because they chew your ankles to pieces and leave you limping home almost in tears.

    Oh, and popcorn rocks!
  48. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Ah the joys of baby boys... My latest nephew is a formula 1 walker champion, he even does hand-break turns around corners.

    Tell your mum to be careful using sweeteners for baking, they are not all adapted to that use, some just lose their sweetening power, others can be actually poisonous (on a low scale, nothing life-threatening that I know, but still...) so make sure she checks the packaging, it should say suitable for baking and the maximum temperature it should be used at.
  49. mazekin Member

    We should get them together and have a World Walker Championship :lol:

    Oh, she's well used to baking with the sweeteners. My uncle was a diabetic all his life, and every time he would come to visit (for several weeks) she'd have to substitute all the sugar in the house for him. He gave her tutorials (which really went down well :D)

    Today I learned that when you go to bed really, really late, your parents will call after mass first thing in the morning and hound you out of bed, give you a lecture on not getting up early and tell you that you have dark circles under your eyes and enquire why. Are you not getting enough sleep?
  50. I learned today that some people would rather be a button pushing monkey than put any thought or effort into what they are actually doing. Which, in turn, causes me more work. *sigh* Thats fine, though. I enjoy using my brain.

    I learned last night that my hubby does actually listen to me! (the usual glazed stare I get from him can be a little off putting)

    *Also, may I add my Crib Lizard to the World Walker Championship? a grainy video taken on my phone*

    PS. mazekin, I'm with you on your yoghurt comment. yuk
  51. mazekin Member

    A first: My sister learned that I do get angry. Screaming down the phone at her because of a comment my brother made to her (which was a complete lie) really emphesised my emotional discord. Wank er.

    Last night, I learned that the removal of tiles from a bathroom wall can be very painful. Also, I don't stop bleeding as much as I used to. Also cuts on lips bleed a lot more than cuts, lets say, on the neck, knuckle, forearm, the side of the hand...I could go on.

    Shops look at you weird if you go in bleeding looking for toilet paper.

    When doing DIY always make sure you have a significant amount of medical supplies at hand. Like toilet paper, or any kind of tissue.

    Tiles falling on various limbs hurt.

    The further up a wall you go in tile removal, the more difficult it is.

    The person who put the tiles on my walls needs to be tracked down and killed. Preferably death by a thousand cuts.

    The tiles on the wall with the radiator seem to have physically bonded with the wall and any attempt to remove is leading to large holes in said wall along with making me frustrated.

    It is going to take me a month to take off the rest of the tiles if it keeps going this way. Shoot me. Shoot me please...
  52. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Over the last week or so I have learned:

    - Ikea is lovely, but in large doses it can be really tiring and stressful.
    - Read the instructions properly and you won't have to undo all the stuff you did to correct a mistake you made on the first bit you assembled.
    - If you buy a nice big bookcase to house all your many books, check the ceiling in your place is high enough before buying it, assembling it and attempting to put it in place, especially if you're stupidly trying to do this on your own just to impress husband.

    And this morning I was reminded of something I do know but it just doesn't seem to make it into my head: shut the f**k up. Seriously. Especially in a meeting when someone asks for a volunteer. Zip it. Really.
  53. mazekin Member

    1. 8 month old baby Mathew just realised that I have a mole/freckle on my chin. We played the 'touch the mole' game for about five minutes before I realised what he was doing. I thought he just had a fixation with my glasses and wasn't having a good hand-eye coordination day.

    2. 8 month old baby's named Mathew, after 10 or so minutes of trying to poke mole/freckle will then try to pick it from your face. Ouch. I can't wait until he realises I have them on my arms too.

    3. I'm very lazy when it comes to tile removal...
  54. Katcal I Aten't French !

    1. the Wii rocks.

    2. the Wii rocks so much I'm not sure I will ever leave the house again.

    3. the Wii seriously rocks.
  55. mowgli New Member

    Don't worry, Kat - after a few weeks life WILL return to normal. Wii is fiercely addictive, but only for a relatively short period of time :wink: I mean, it got to the point with us that we actually loan the thing to friends and not sweat it if they forget to return it for months.
  56. Katcal I Aten't French !

    It's ok, we actually managed to put it down and do other stuff during the weekend including a nice long healthy walk along the beach.

    Yesterday, I learned that if, having severely whacked your toe, it becomes purple and swells up, it may or may not be "just a bruise".
  57. IgorMina New Member

    I learned that the nicer the shoes look, the more vicious they'll actually be, no matter how well behaved and comfortable they were in the shop.

    I have not learnt how to remove big bloodstains from shoes yet...
  58. mowgli New Member

    I'll let you know as soon as I get them out of my wedding shoes :wink:
  59. Katcal I Aten't French !

    I have learned that the bigger the bird, the bigger the projectile feces will be. Gulls are BIG birds.

    I also learned where the expression "oh shit" came from.
  60. mazekin Member

    1. Alcohol rocks. I forget that from time to time, and then I drink a lot so that my head is spinning and I really, really like it.

    2. Both my sister and me like my brothers new girlfriend. She's nice and we want to keep her. SHe also has a sense of humour quite like ours and is quite willing to slap himn accross the back of the head 'cos he's made a crude/rude/annoying/stupid/jackassed coment.

    3. It is spooky when both my sister and myself both say at the same time in a hushed voice to each other "I like her. Can we keep her?"

    4. Cabs never come when they say they will come. 45 minute wait for a ten minute drive is stupid. Especially when tehy've said they'd be there at 10 to 1 and you've already had to wait an hour.

    5. Typing while drunk is a long and arduous task. As is spell checking posts. Personally, right now, I couldn't be bothered. It took me three goes to type they'd.

    6. I like vodka. I also like diet coke. Together, combined, they make a nice drink. Ice cream shots are also quite tasty. recepie - half a block of ice-cream (flavour of your choice - though raspberry ripple is quite nice) half a bottle of vodka. Blender. SHot glass. Yum. Fat Frogs are also divine.

    7..............................there is no seven.

    8. No matter how many times you say to a taxi driver that the housing estate is signposted wrong and not to pay any attention to the house numbers, they will always take the wrong frickin' exit. And don't undersatnd the concept of 'drive all the way around until the road stops'.

    9. Typing while drunk is a lot easier if you are a touch typist and you close your eyes. Also, the room stops spinning.

    10. I'm going to have a hangover tomorrow :sad::smile:

    I'm going to go now before I fall asleep on my couch. although it is a very comfortable couch.

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