Clergy of Ba

Discussion in 'BOARDANIA' started by Ba, Sep 8, 2005.

  1. Ba Lord of the Pies

    Right. There may be some confusion as to who's a Witdan and who isn't. This thread will hopefully explain things.

    First is the High Priestess. The duties involve organizing sacrifices and donations. This is Saccharissa Cripslock. All hail Saccharissa!

    Next is the Grand Spatula, Chris Jordan. He's in charge of organizing the rest of the clergy, and removing burnt bits from the frying pans.

    Roman K is the Right Honourable Sugar Tin. His duties involve providing sugar for the baking and scribing the Book of Ba.

    After this is the Most Reverend Pie Chef, Brad the Wonder Llama. He is in charge of baking pies. If insufficient pies are baked, he is whipped until they are.

    My-Own-Identity is the Assistant to the Most Reverend Pie Chef and answers directly to him.

    Then comes Leather Monkey. He's the Official Collector of Ensurance Monies. Ensurance is something like Insurance, except it makes sure the horrible event, such as smiting, doesn't happen in the first place. He has the authority to recruit his own burly assistants to help him in his task.

    Pineapple Chunks is the Most Humble Ingrediant. This is purely a figurative title. She isn't actually made into pie. She serves pie and polishes the altar. So long as she does it well, it will remain figurative.

    Mazekin is Angel of Pie.

    Finally, there are the Acolytes. There are several of these.

    MoonCatBlue is the Acolyte in Charge of Procurement of Unspeakable Culinary Implements. She makes sure that the kitchen is well supplied.

    Victim of 8 is Acolyte in Charge of the Weasels. He makes sure they have enough to eat and get plenty of exersize. He also gives special care to Snippy.

    Toaf is Acolyte in Charge of Making Sure that Fluffy Doesn't Eat Anyone and Uses the Litterbox. This should be fairly clear, even to Doormen.

    Kat in the Hat is Acolyte in Charge of Recruitment and Retention. She's in charge of recruiting new members into the church and making sure they stay in the church.

    Miss Teak is Acolyte in Charge of General Shenanigans. It shall be her duty to try and prevent an overabundance of shenanigans in the church, hopefully funneling that energy off into useful pursuits, like pie-making and the killing of Ba's enemies.

    Cynical Youth is Acolyte in Charge of Unnatural Selection. This involves a great deal of killing people.

    Quoth the Raven is Acolyte in Charge of Smacking Random People on the Head with Live Trout. This involves the use of fish as a blunt instrument.
  2. Saccharissa Stitcher

    All Hail Ba Witda, God of Pie and Unspeakable Culinary Acts!
  3. mowgli New Member

    Do I get a title?

    If yes, can I have a weapon too? I need it to smack people who make bad puns. And Quoth has aparently usurped my trout!
  4. Toaf New Member

    All hail Ba.
  5. Garner Great God and Founding Father

    A lot of ba's clergy don't seem to be actively posting anymore.

    Also, since I adopted Toast, i think that gives me a better claim to her than Ba does.
  6. Tephlon Active Member

    God fight!

    I'll choose my god out of the winners or go for the other god, the god of Slackers... :)
  7. Ba Lord of the Pies

    Toaf joined of her own free will. She should be allowed to stay with whichever church she choses, so long as she choses correctly and stays with Ba.
  8. Delphine New Member

    But it's so uncool to work for your parents. Unless it's shivving people they don't like.
  9. Kat_in_the_Hat New Member

    All hail Ba, for he is wise and goo...for he is wise.

    Right then. Join the church of Ba or see what horrible things we can do with some weasels and a rubber spatula.

    (Hope your listening, Toast ;))
  10. mowgli New Member

    ...can I have my trout back?...
  11. QuothTheRaven New Member


    I am the wielder of fish. It says so under my user name.
  12. Toaf New Member

    The Church of Ba is my church!
  13. Andalusian New Member

    I don't want to be in Orrdos' chruch any more. Its boring. Any God want to recruit a Dark Lord of the Sith?
  14. Bradthewonderllama New Member

    How can drinking beer be boring?
  15. Andalusian New Member

    *points to age*

    The fun of drinking beer has not yet become a deciding factor for me.
  16. Delphine New Member

    For Shame, Andalusian. For Shame. :doubt:
  17. Saccharissa Stitcher

    Andalusian, drinking cocoa is better than beer because you cna blow bubbles with your straw.

    Blowing bubbles in your beer is something I very emphatically advise against.
  18. Garner Great God and Founding Father

    Church of Garner is hiring.

    All applicants must be female and reasonably attractive.
  19. mowgli New Member

    ...vestigial virgins...
  20. Tephlon Active Member

    G, you forgot to add the Rincewina disclaimer!
  21. Hex New Member

    We serve non-alcoholic drinks too. Cocoa as well at the weekly singsong ;)
    (And I'm a teetotaller in a church of those who love to drink. But someone has to clean it all up afterwards after all).

    Also, I would like to add that as Chief Barmaid and landlady of the church, any suggestions to liven the church of Orrdos up rest with Orrdos himself, Delphine, me or the Doormen, if you can find them. Look under the table, they may be under there. :p

    Come to think of it, a Dark Lord of the Sith would be a useful tab reinforcer. You can start by tracking down Rinso and Colonesque. Those two have tabs in the quadruple digits, and if they don't pay me, I can't get more beer or snacks, and then they will be mad. Crazy, froth at the mouth mad.
    Use whatever means neccesary. I won't advocate torture, but I won't be against it either.
  22. Delphine New Member

    Hex, you're promoted.

    Think you can handle being landlady and PR manager?

  23. queenynci New Member

    Decisions, decisions :?

    The Church Of Ba sounds good (pies,mmm), but i don't fancy the idea of Quoth chasing me with a trout. :shock:

    The Church Of Orrdos has beer (yay!), but the way my cash isn't flowing at the moment that dark lord would be after me most of the time.

    As for the Church Of Garner - well, I'm not entirely sure i'd qualify.I'm definitely female, but reasonably attractive?. Mmmm. Just how good is your lighting?

    It's no good.
    I'm just going to have to go away and think about this
  24. Hex New Member

    Promotion? Woo! and Hoo! and Woo again!! :D :D

    And Queenynci, the bar tabs are generally for repeat offend.. erm, I mean returning customers such as our doormen. Most members of the church are entitled to cheap but high-quality beer. One pint of Doorman's brew is a single Boardanian Dollar for church members.

    The reason the doormen have tabs is because they can't afford to pay for all the alcohol they drink in one visit. It's only a matter of time before one of them tries to pay their tab using their liver or another body part. :roll:
    For my frequent customers, I set a tab, which they usually pay monthly. But some of them 'forget', and they suffer the consequences.

    Orrdos is a lovely god. He is kind and generous and easygoing. Doorsism is the best religion there is!


    Man, I am so going to get thundersporked for that...
  25. Garner Great God and Founding Father

    'reasonably attractive' isn't sufficient?
  26. Ba Lord of the Pies

    Quoth hits people from all churches with fish. Joining a different church is no guarantee that Queen Ynci won't end up smacked around by a piscine blunt weapon.

    Now, Mogli desires to be a part of the Church of Ba. This is acceptible. Ba gives her the title of Acolyte in Charge of the Holy Armament. It is her duty to look after such terrible weapons of war as frying pans, skewers, and butcher knives. She will make certain that Witdans are properly armed when they go about their business.
  27. queenynci New Member

    So no church offers sanctuary against the trout. Mmm

    Tephlon wrote:
    G, you forgot to add the Rincewina disclaimer!

    Garner wrote
    'reasonably attractive' isn't sufficient?

    Oh dear.

    Thats me out then.
  28. mowgli New Member

    Wahoo! All hail Ba! Frying pan is definitely a weapon after me own heart!

    QueenYnci, come join the club! A skewer is no guaranteed protection against a large trout (nothing is), but it should improve the odds a bit :)
  29. Hex New Member

    So join the church of Orrdos!!

    New members have an exclusive bar pass, allowing you into the inner sanctum of the church, and free beer for the first week as a member (after that all beer is 1 boardanian dollar, cocktails two, specialty drinks depending on what's in them and how volatile the ingredients are).

    You also get jukebox rights! That's right, you choose the songs we play during happy hour, and can participate in kareoke hour without fear of heckling for your entire first week! (No guarantees after that, but just be prepared to duck if someone throws something).

    Come join the church of Orrdos! We accept people of all degrees of attractiveness!
    hey, we have Rinso! We can't sink any lower.*

    We love new members! Oldbies buy newbies drinks all the time!! We have newbie specials! Newbie Freebie Night! Adopt-a-newbie! Brand-noob specials! We've got them all! Come join and we'll offer you security from any ensurance men from the church of Ba (remember Fred the elephant? Well, he's back and he's vicious).

    So Join the Church of Orrdos! We're the church with a laid-back attitude and a fountain of spirit(s).

    *I have a right to insult him. He still hasn't paid his tab.
  30. Andalusian New Member

    All right, chasing people up and er... not torturing them sounds fun :badgrin:

    *sharpens light-saber* So Rinso hasn't paid his tab you say?
  31. Ecksian New Member

    Guess not, but I found a cult that fights him at every turn.

    The FFC
  32. Hsing Moderator

    Who would pay for a Doorman's liver?!
    And Andalusian, I somehow keep reading "Dark Lord of the Stitch" under your sig pic, which rises much cuter mental images.
    Besides that, I'm still confused wether I am back to being a board Agnostic, or wethere ever relly having belonged to any church, and if so, which one, so I'll keep quiet now.
  33. redneck New Member

    I'm a follower of Ba as well. I just don't know where I fit in this kettle of fish. Most hol... righteo... wonderf...... awesome god, Ba, would it please you to appoint me somewhere within the ranks? If not, I am more than happy to remain in the dregs, as long as I'm under you're protection, or whatever.
  34. queenynci New Member

    Elephants? Elephants?
    Well that settles it.

    All hail Orrdos, Lord of the Keg!
  35. Orrdos God

    Ahhh, fresh blood.

    Er, I mean, new followers. Woo.

    Ahem :)
  36. redneck New Member

    I have just been reassured that I am a skinny henchman of leathermonkey. When he arrives he will give me his list for ensurance collection, then there will be no peace until you cheap bastards have paid up. Just remember, the small guys may be easy to intimidate, but they're mighty damned hard to whip!

    Does anyone know if Door's bar has paid their ensurance in a while. I might see fit to haggle. A few drinks might make me forget that they owed something.

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