Discworld and Member Articles
|
|
|
Written by TheJackal
Monday, 29 August 2005 |
Polix sat alone in his cell, despondent.
A rattling outside caused him to look up. Someone was fumbling with a set of keys. Eventually, the mystery caller found the right one and, after opening a few locks and pulling back heavy bolts, the door was opened.
Polix had known it would not be the Grand Master. Fumbling with keys was not his style. Polix was willing to bet that you could place a hundred nearly identical keys in front of the man and Rubeus would guess the correct one first go.
It was a guard. His name was Hayden but Polix did not care to ask for it.
‘You are to be moved,’ said the guard. ‘By order of Grand Master Rubeus.’
‘Where to?’ asked Polix.
‘Another cell,’ said he simply.
‘What’s wrong with this one?’ asked Polix as he rose from his seated position on the bare floor and followed the man down the hall.
‘They use a special one for prisoners spending their last night before execution.’
‘I don’t suppose this cell is more comfortable, by any chance? A few couches to enjoy your last few hours on, that sort of thing.’
‘No.’
‘Right. So what is so special about it then?’ Polix asked.
‘Search me,’ the guard said. ‘I just work here.’
Hayden was not a Brother, just an ordinary civilian guard. The Order liked it this way because its members did not know many people outside of the Order. In the past, Brothers guarding a fellow Brother had led to feelings of sympathy, resulting in suspicious escapes.
‘Full moon out tonight,’ said Hayden conversationally.
‘Really?’ said Polix, hard-hearted.
‘Listen,’ said the man lowering his voice, ‘are you planning on escaping later?’
‘Well, the thought had crossed my mind.’
‘Wonderful! If you could give me a bit of notice beforehand, that would be great.’
Polix was not following him. ‘Notice?’
‘Yes, you can give me a signal or something, so I know it’s time. Also, can you keep all the blows above my midriff section? It’s just that I forgot my Vitals Protector this morning. My wife would kill me if she knew I left it at home. Typical really: the one day I forget it is the day I need it.’
‘Wait a second. You’ve lost me there,’ said Polix.
‘Which part?’
‘Round about ‘listen’.’
‘You want to escape don’t you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, that means we’re supposed to fight. Everyone knows how this type of thing goes: You break free of your bonds; we scuffle a bit- parrying blows, that type of thing; then you finally get the upper hand and put me to your sword.’
‘I kill you? That’s what that means, right?’
‘Oh yes, it’s in my job description. Well, not specifically written down anywhere, but people expect it.’
‘I don’t think your wife would be pleased,’ said Polix. Even as he said it he couldn’t believe he was.
‘No, no, she’d be right proud of me. Her mother is always badmouthing me, saying as how my wife married someone who wouldn’t know a Hero if he saw one, not alone die valiantly against him during a prison break.’
This last statement was too much for Polix. I’ve obviously gone mad, he thought. I suppose it’s what should be expected after all that has gone on. Or maybe he’s the mad one. Yes, that sounds better.
‘Do you really want to die?’ asked Polix.
‘It’s my job. My father and his father before him died that way. It’s a family tradition.’
‘But, do you want to die like that. I mean really? Blood and guts, the whole shebang?
‘Well, no-ones ever asked me, to tell the truth. Just been expected of me. Now I comes to think of it, it would be rather inconvenient. I get my holidays next week as well.’
‘You don’t have to do it, you know? It’s your life. You can tell your mother-in-law to sod off. Better still, don’t even tell her what happened.’
Hayden mulled it over. The more he pondered it, the more not dying appealed to him.
‘Yeh, you’re right,’ he said at long last. ‘Thanks, mate.’
‘No problem,’ said Polix. ‘Glad to be of help.’
Both men continued their journey downstairs to the other cells. It wasn’t until they were nearly there that Polix realised what he had done, followed by quite a lot of cursing.
The man is a genius, thought Pre to himself. The man in question was Gee, and the reason for the proclamation was down to a letter that Gee had written for him. Jude had only just remembered to pass on the letter before leaving.
In the letter, Gee had spoken of a secret tunnel; the entrance to which (or exit, depending on the direction you were going) could be found some third of a kilometre from Gee’s home, in a densely wooded area.
According to the letter, Gee had purchased a house with a small tunnel leading from its basement. The house’s previous owners had led rather questionable business practices and found the need to build such a tunnel in the event of requiring to leave in a hurry. Apparently, after moving in, Gee had extended the tunnel.
This was true. It had taken Gee six years, a few hours here and there. Pre could not but be impressed by how well the tunnel was concealed, and once within, by how long it was. In fact, it took quite a while to find the entrance, even though he had been given precise instructions as to its location. Strategically placed behind a bush heavily invested in thorns, Pre had pricked many a finger in unceremoniously hacking back the previously unchecked growth.
Inside, the ceiling was four feet high, so Pre had to bend low while traversing the winding route. Unfortunately, Gee had forgotten to mention that there was no light inside the tunnel and Pre had no lantern or matches on him. Instead, he had to feel his way forward, once tentative step after another. Occasionally, the path made a slight turn, where Gee during construction had hit a big rock which could not be moved.
After what seemed like an eternity in the dark nothingness, Pre reached the end. Once realising that this was so, he moved his hands upwards, feeling for a way out. Peering upwards, he could make out a faint light of sorts. His hands hit upon something metallic, steel maybe. It had small gaps in it. Pre realised it must be a grille or something so he pushed.
Life is full of coincidences, some good and others bad. Today the coin fell on the bad side for Pre, as at the exact moment in which he looked up and pushed, Ron bent down and got sick onto a promising looking grille in the basement floor.
Suddenly there was a lot of shouting going on downstairs. No, not downstairs, it was coming from the basement. Now there was a loud bang, something metallic. For a heart stopping second Gee thought the enemy had snuck up on them unawares and begun the attack.
With a great sigh Gee realised it was only Pre. Or at least, he was pretty sure it was Pre. The man was covered in quite of lot of yellow, liquid with chunks here and there to increase the nauseous effect that was filling the room.
‘Wexley! Good to see you,’ said Gee, walking towards him.
Pre grumbled something inaudible under his breath before returning the greeting. He was obviously upset about the whole Ron getting sick on him incident, but would have to wait a while for an apology off him as Ron was still making his acquaintances with the sandwiches he had eaten earlier.
‘I hadn’t expected you for another while. You came quite fast.’
‘Ahem,’ said Brother Kalem politely. He had yet to meet Pre, even though he had sent Jude off to retrieve him.
‘Oh, sorry. Wexley, this is Kalem Asphalt. Kalem, this s is Pre Wexley.’
Both men shook hands civilly.
‘So what happened here then?’ asked Kalem, though he could guess the answer.
‘That idiot over there,’ said Pre pointing accusatorily at Ron, ‘got sick on me! Just as I was coming up from the bloody tunnel.’
‘Sorry,’ said Ron in a mere whisper. His throat was keeping all of its strength for getting the offending liquid up and out as quickly as possible.
Gee was finding it hard to keep in the laughter bubbling up inside of him so changed the subject. ‘Have any trouble finding the tunnel exit then?’
‘Not really. It was well hidden though. Wouldn’t have ever seen it without the instructions you gave me.’
‘Thanks. An artist likes to hear praises of his work. Nearly broke my back finishing the ruddy thing.’
‘Pity you forgot to add a few candles along the route. Wouldd’ve been perfect otherwise.’
‘Ah well, you see, I never expected it would ever be used from that side. I have a lantern on the counter here, ready to go.’
Pre mumbled a bit more to himself, not quite ready to let it go. What would they have done if he were afraid of the dark?
‘I notice Jude isn’t with you?’ said Gee conversationally.
‘Nah, he refused to come. Said something about not wanting to be an innocent bystander. Couldn’t understand what he was going on about.’
‘I didn’t really expect him to come along, to be honest. He’s not the type to risk his won neck. Thanks for coming along, by the way.’
‘No problem. Sure I couldn’t let down an old friend in need, could I?’ said Pre with a smile. ‘So where are these buggers hiding out?’
‘Oh, they’re surrounding the house. We have an advantage there since they don’t know that we know where they are. No chance of a surprise attack before dark, though that is not far away now.’
‘How many of them are there?’ asked Pre.
‘Come on upstairs and see for yourself,’ Gee replied, leading his comrade upstairs.
‘Don’t mind me,’ said Ron as the other ascended the steps. ‘I’ll just wait here and- Mbllllehhhhh!’ This was more or less the sound Ron made as his stomach made a final assault on the floorboards, which had plainly offended it in some way.
 |
|
|
Subscribe to this comment's feed