Discworld and Member Articles
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OG 1: Story 1: Another Troll: Prologue
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Written by boggon
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Saturday, 09 September 2006 |
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Trolls, on Og, are not only the least intelligible species, with the intelligence you can only compare to a rubber sausage, but the general troll population are also the most violent, sadistic race that has ever lived.
They communicate using their own language, which is very hard to navigate, a three-year olds book has more words than their language and all of their words consist of only one syllable per word and generally their sentences are six to four words long which could mean anything from “How are you to?” to “Look at that strange thing outside the cave, its moving, it’s green, it’s.....a leaf.*” Trolls name are very short and like they’re language very simple which makes them the least unique names ever invented e.g. Hur is the least popular troll name even though 500, 638 trolls have it as a name. The most unique thing about individual trolls are their life goals and dreams, they’re all different**. Their physical features are individual to their race and have often been voted ‘The Ugliest Species That Ever Came To Be***’ Trolls are attracted to violence and would sell their grandmothers for 1 Oggian**** to watch a fight. This flaw causes many wars often started by the smallest things like who ate the last dead cat or if Bolin is a real troll word. They are the most uncivilised creatures ever and that is why they are forced to live in mountains and hilly areas since the separation of Og*****. They were forced to live their as the ruler at the time, King Siddlemount, didn’t like green so banned them from showing themselves in public, this caused many wars before they surrendered (as they thought it was a type of violence) then went to the mountains, this has triggered wars ever since. Trolls vary in types, and there types depend on where they live e.g. If they lived in the Minroto Mountains they’d be Minroto Mountain Trolls and this goes through the whole of Og, with exceptions such as a troll who is a warrior or fighter in epic battles and wars is called a W-Troll or an F-Toll. Trolls are one of the angriest, rage driven races on Og as when Anger Management and Rage Decreasing was invented on Og, the trolls had already been in the mountains for a century and everyone from the times of the trolls has forgot what they looked like so therapists and doctors wouldn’t dare go out there in fear of death. And then when they were just about to and the first expedition was due to set off in five days one of the largest wars ever recorded broke out and marked the comeback of the troll throughout the land. After seeing what trolls are capable of made them decide not to go anywhere for a few millenniums, or ten. It turns out that if King Siddlemount liked green then trolls would be the most intelligible creatures on Og (how ironic.) After the rise of the troll they attacked the capital city, Exmour, and just before the age of technology was coming and the were inventing electricity, the trolls burnt the lab, which left them with nothing and had to start all over again, they started fifteen centuries ago even before the trolls were banished. Troll green was also destroyed at the time of King Siddlemount and after trolls came back the well educated thought it was a new green they adapted whilst in the mountains and they call these idiots scientists. Scientists then tried to capture a troll to experiment on to see what fills them with rage and what has happened in the mountains that drives them to violence. This operation proved unsuccessful as 80% of the world’s top hunters (with exceptions regarding if they were available or not) were killed 14% were left with major injuries 5% were left with minor injuries and the remaining 1% ran away at the sight of it. The scientists then thought of retrieving a dead troll from a battlefield as this was an easy task, that a drunken four-year old could do, it was successful and then scientists realised they couldn’t do anything with a dead body as dead trolls don’t give off reactions that they can relate to what happened in their lives, except they give off the impression that they’re dead. Then after many attempts to catch a troll the scientists got very bored and decided to resume their attempts to re-create electricity and then after further boredom played Strip Poker. As they live in mountains they’re only material recourses are stone, from the mountains, and wood, from nearby abandoned villages, the villages reasons for evacuating is because they knew the trolls were coming to live in the mountains, so they can only make big wooden clubs and there isn’t much to do with stone so have very lo-tech defence and if it wasn’t for their strength and size they’d be extinct before you could say ‘troll’. So there you have it a short introduction to trolls and I think it’s time you take notice before reading just to warn you that troll’s are mind-numbingly, utterly, without a shadow of a doubt, completely.... * Which trolls are very interested by as after taking drugs there are no side-affects and leaves remind them of Og’s most popular drug. ** Even if 99% of them involve violence *** One of the many, awards at Og’s annual, award ceremony. **** Og’s only currency as they are simple and don’t have a different currency everywhere you go. ***** A division of Og after many arguments and it started many, many wars. NOTE: the '....' at the end will be continued at the Epilogue (at the end of the story)
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