New Plaid Identity

Discussion in 'BOARDANIA' started by plaid, Jul 8, 2006.

  1. plaid New Member

    'I kind of like this log, okay? Tell Brad I drowned, I don't care.'

    She didn't move.

    It got darker, and darker. A breeze started taking some of the sopping wet out of my clothes and hair.

    'I'm not really sure what it is you want, Plaid. This island is all we have.'

    'There's the Catface.'

    'Well why didn't you stay on her then?' she snapped.

    I had no answer. Because Orrdos showed up with a Dragon. Because the pirates were nasty and gross. Because I'd rather have pie than slop of seaweed. Because...

    'Malory was going to kill me.'

    'Malory's dead.'

    'Have you seen his body? I'm sick of believing everything everybody says! Brad is obsessed, and everyone else is just in it for whatever they can get. Probably even you.'

    'Brad isn't that... well... But why would Malory kill you?'

    'I found out his secret. These Sock Wars are totally pointless. And always have been. That Malory got killed doesn't even make a difference.'

    'You don't know what you're talking about.' Buzzfloyd glared.

    'You wish I didn't.'

    I was about to get up and walk away, leave her and all the others behind, when we both jumped at a loud crash some yards away in the woods.
  2. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    Dun dun duuuunnnnn......

    More please!
  3. plaid New Member

    crash bang yeah don't stop

    'What was that?' Buzzfloyd whispered.

    We both looked around, and moments later three figures rushed out of the woods. The first of them, in his hurry, tripped over my right boot.

    'You doormen!' Buzzfloyd started screaming. 'What on earth do you think you're up to?'

    Rincewind nearly got away, but Buzzfloyd had Colonesque by the collar and Nester was still scrambling to stand up again, attempting to use my knees and ankles as supports. I was not being very cooperative.

    'Hey, what's the rush?' I asked.

    Rincewind got a few yards past us and turned around, not wanting to leave the rest of his trio.

    Nester at last stood up and demanded that Buzzfloyd let Colonesque go.

    I laughed.

    'No. You guys should not be galavanting around after dark. There are dragons and...'

    'You guys should not be galavanting around after dark,' Colonesque mimicked. 'Lemme go, woman.'

    Buzzfloyd shoved him into a bush. 'I'll tell Brad we've seen you. It's about time he had word. Morning won't be too soon to see you in the Yak pit. All three of you.'

    At that, Rincewind shimmied up a tree and the other two resumed their frantic sprinting through the woods.

    'What's the matter with them?' I said.

    Buzzfloyd just shook her head. 'Come on, let's go.'

    I thought for a minute, pacing a few steps. 'Nope.'

    While she stared at me, I turned around and followed the doormen, walking casually at first and then breaking into a dead run. It was a nice night for it.
  4. plaid New Member

    It wasn't easy to follow in the dark, but there was still the noise of them breaking branches and cursing stubbed toes. They glanced around the lagoon to the south, coming almost to the edge of the forest where the beach stretched out to the ocean. I stayed behind them, as close as I dared, keeping my own curses to myself when I stubbed my toes or caught my trousers in a thicket.

    Then they stopped. I didn't stop. And there I was, discovered and under scrutiny by three sweaty males.

    'Plaid?' Nester accused.

    I coughed once and waited.

    'What're you doing, Plaid? Did she sic you after us?'

    I shook my head.

    'What then?'

    'Sick of that llama,' I said, catching my breath and flopping over in the sand. 'Where are you running?'

    'Wouldn't you like to know,' Rincewind sneered. He whispered something at Nester. It sounded dreadfully like 'kill her'.

    'We ain't going to kill her, monkeyfreak.' Nester laughed. 'Help Colonesque dig, why don't you?'

    The doorman was throwing handfuls of sand around. Rincewind merely rolled his eyes and kicked imaginary puppies. I wondered if my chances with these three were worth not speaking to that llama ever again.

    'So what do you think you'll get from us?' Nester asked.

    Answers? I didn't say, settling instead for a hopeful shrug.

    'What made you so sick of Brad? What'd he do to you?'

    I glared, thinking on the best way to articulate the many wrongs and annoyances that llama had strewn all over my life.

    'Basically he fed me to those pirates. And he ruined Hermes. He drove that dragonwoman off the cliff and he probably had Malory murdered for no reason. Most of all he just won't tell me what the heck is going on.'

    'No reason, eh?' Nester picked up a stick and juggled it one-handedly. 'You don't look eaten to me.'

    'So I survived. So what?'

    'Well,' Nester said as he drew lines in the sand with his stick.

    'Where are you guys going? What happened to Orrdos? And Fred?'

    'Eh? Did something happen to them?'

    'Well... the zombies...'

    'Oh the zombies. We never worry about zombies, do we boys?'

    The other two ignored him. Colonesque had a decent hole in the beach, and Rincewind was pushing displaced piles of sand around, making sculptures that wouldn't stay sculpted.

    'Why not?'

    'Nevermind,' Nester muttered. 'Doors and Fred are fine.'

    'How do you know?'

    Nester chucked his stick as hard as he could into the ocean. 'You want to know what the heck is going on then, do ya?'

    I nodded. Nester fished around in the sand for a new stick to juggle.

    'We don't have much more memory than you do, you know.'

    'You have to know stuff. You work for Orrdos. You have to--'

    Nester snorted.
  5. Electric_Man Templar

    Ooh, evil doormen... should I be surprised? Or prepared to be? Or just act innocently and try not to be noticed?

    Tell me! Tell me more
  6. lipi New Member

    Wouldn't I like to know how it continues?
    Oh yes I would! :D
  7. Katcal I Aten't French !

    Oh right, quoting musicals now eh... GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY :D
  8. plaid New Member

    surfing for fishing for

    'Come on. You were here for the last Sock War. You have to have figured out what the heck is going on.'

    'Maybe.'

    'Do you know Malory turned Brad into a llama?'

    'What?'

    'He's got photographs.'

    'Photographs?'

    I nodded.

    'Of what?'

    'Before,' I said.

    Nester dropped his stick and stared at me. 'Photographs. I think... I... Rincewind, she...'

    Rincewind looked up and growled at me.

    'Oh be civil,' I growled back. 'What's wrong with him?' I asked Nester.

    'Don't mind Rinso, he's harmless. Rinso, come listen.'

    'Ew.' The scruffy red bath robe had been filthy before, and now it was covered with sand.

    'Plaid, you have just reinforced everything we've been about to do, I think. I suspected.... But tell us again. Are you sure about this? Malory told you himself?'

    'Malory told me himself. But he's dead so you can't prove that if you wanted to.'

    'You've seen his body?'

    'No... did Orrdos...?' I trailed off.

    'Orrdos planned that out. Right Colonesque? They took Mossfoot there, and what I heard was Mossfoot was hired to kill the old Captain... but nobody knows what really happened.'

    'Jordan said...'

    'He's just a kid,' Nester said. 'We want to get on the Catface and see for sure Maljonic's dead.'

    'How?'
  9. plaid New Member

    'Found it yet, Colonesque?' Nester shouted.

    'Not yet.'

    'He's finding it.' Nester smiled at me.

    'What?' I asked.

    'It.'

    'Any plans for getting off the Catface, once you've been there? Will it be dragons again?'

    'Nope, we'll have a round trip ticket. And the dark will help, too.'

    'Do I really have to come?' I'd been far too long on that ship the last time.

    'We ain't carting his dead body back for you to look at, if that's what you mean. If you want to see for yourself you'll have to come.'

    I sighed.

    'A HA!' Colonesque yelled. Rincewind looked up darkly from behind his sloppy sand-towers. 'THIS IS IT! This is it right?'

    Nester and I hurried over to the hole and watched Colonesque lift out a large chunk of glass. It was shaped like a spork, only bigger.
  10. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    Ahhhhh.....stop keeping us in suspense like this.

    What the hell is going on?? Tell us, please, before we lose our collective minds.
  11. plaid New Member

    om thinks i know? ha.

    constellations and pasted up paste

    'What is it?' I said, just as Rincewind kicked sand in our faces.

    Colonesque stood up, carrying the thing carefully to the shore. We followed him as he knelt and washed it free of grit. Nester threw a few warning glares at Rincewind and he behaved, mostly. I wanted to kick the scruffy loser.

    'There's no name for them. Brad used to tell us they were thundersporks. He lied.'

    It was a gnarled sort of chunk of transparent stuff. The shape of the spork was unmistakable. It had a handle about as long as my forearm, tines as thick as my thumb.

    'And it's going to get us on and off the Catface?' I kicked a few pebbles into the ocean and looked at Nester with a great deal of sarcasm and doubt.

    'Yep,' he said. 'All we need is the right kind of blood.'

    The sun had fully set and the island was becoming a black, breezy nightmare. I blinked. 'Blood?'

    Nester was gathering sticks. Colonesque and I stared at the glass spork, glinting in the light of the first stars.

    'The blood,' Nester was saying, 'of a child. Ba is very particular.'

    'Ba?' All the smokey memories of the dream I had had before leaving the Catface came back to me. Chris Jordan pressing a spatula into my hand, the weird spiced atmosphere of the whole kitchen. The man from the dream. Banana daquiries.

    'Rinso, count these. Seventy-two of them. Good sticks too, not just splintery twigs.'

    I watched, trying to make sense of it. 'What on earth do you think you're going to do? What is this?'

    'Ritual. Shut up.' Colonesque said this without taking his eyes from the spork in his hands.

    'Whose blood?' I needed to know.

    'Shh.'

    'What's a banana daquiri anyway?'

    'What?' Nester dropped his handfuls of sticks at Rincewind's feet. 'Bananas?'
  12. Hsing Moderator

    I have trouble keeping up with stuff these days, but I am still on this one's heels.
  13. plaid New Member

    poorest richest

    'Bananas?' I parroted, staring back at him.

    'What are you talking about?'

    'Nothing.' I looked at my feet and wiggled my toes in the still warm sand.

    Nester eventually turned back to Rincewind and the pile of wood. He dug a packet of matches out of his pocket and told Colonesque to bring the spork closer.

    'You really coming, Plaid?' Nester asked.

    'What do I have to do?'

    Nester struck a match and kindled the fire. We all stared at it, huddled around it, entranced by its warmth. 'Ready, Colonesque?' Nester said.

    Colonesque held out the spork, dripping ocean water into the flames.

    'Whose blood?' I still needed to know. Nobody looked at me and nobody spoke. 'Whose blood? How much blood? Tell me what's going on!'

    Nester jerked his head at Rincewind. The scrawny robed man stood up and shuffled around to our side of the fire. He looked at me in a slobbery, pointed way and then up at Nester, petulant but submissive.

    I stared as the largest doorman wrapped a large hand around Rincewind's wrist and pulled back the dirty sleeve of his robe. Nester took the spork reverently from Colonesque and without a word, without anything more than a slight flinch on the part of Rincewind, scraped the sharp end of the thing across Rincewind's skin.

    'Hold still,' I heard Nester whisper. It was a deep enough cut to bleed steadily. I closed my eyes and sank to the ground, wishing I were anywhere else. Ba, this is just too crazy. This is just too insane...

    'Plaid! Stand up! Are you in or not?'

    I blinked up at the trio and their spork full of blood. Rincewind was holding his arm and muttering curses. Standing up was not easy. The wind had picked up and I was suddenly not feeling very well.
  14. plaid New Member

    I got up and before I could move Nester reached out for my arm and dragged me to the fire.

    'We're going unarmed, like this?'

    'Shh, Plaid. Hold on.' Nester held the spork over the fire, still gripping my arm with one hand. 'Take Rinso. Go on, you've got to be touching him.'

    I hesitated, but Colonesque squashed us together uncerimoniously, reaching out and taking hold of the spork with Nester. I would've laughed if I hadn't been so cold and uncomfortable and bewildered.

    There was a long silence and a horrible fishy kind of smell. After what seemed like ten full minutes, Nester took a deep breath and began pouring Rincewind's blood into the flames at our feet.

    'To thank the Master,' Nester chanted. 'of self-imposed exile.' Blood continued to drip from the glass spork. Beside me Rincewind was shivering. Between his gasps and childish stutters I thought I heard him say dear mum please. But the with the wind and the ocean in my ears I can't be sure.

    And then everything got eaten up by flames. I shut my eyes tight and thought as hard as I could about pie.

    When I opened them again Nester was holding a dark lantern and Rincewind was kicking me.

    Groaning, I realized all at once that beneath me was not sand or pebbles, and both the sound and warmth of the fire was gone completely. I was laying on the smooth, cold deck of the Catface. I shivered and stood up and glared my hardest at all three of the doormen.

    None of them took any notice.

    'Well, here we are,' Nester said calmly. 'First one to find old Mal's corpse, whistle.'

    'What?' I nearly shouted, but it came out rather hoarse. 'Nester, you can't just let them loose on the ship. There are--'

    'Shhh, Plaid, they don't know we're here.'

    I looked around wildly, certain that at least someone would be keeping watch. Moon Cat, or any of those pirate lackeys. And then my eyes fell on the pale face of Trollmother. She was tied to the mast, staring straight at us, unmoving and silent.
  15. plaid New Member

    'Trollmother...' I ran to her. 'What's happened to you?'

    She seemed not to recognize me and only muttered. I tugged at the ropes. 'Nester, we have to--'

    'We have to nothin', Plaid. Don't meddle. You don't know what's been going on here.'

    'But--'

    Trollmother shook her head. 'Leave me,' she said in a soft, hollow voice.

    'But... why...?'

    'Jonathan.' That was all she said. Nester dragged me away before I could ask anythign else.

    'Oh Ba,' I sighed. Nester was setting his lantern down and going below deck. Colonesque and Rincewind had vanished into other parts of the ship.

    'Come on,' Nester urged, and I went with him despite the heavy loathing that welled up inside me at the thought of being caught back on this filthy pirate ship. He had the lantern. He was calling the shots.

    'You think he's not dead, then?'

    'Dunno.'

    'What about... you know about the... the cult of Fred, right?'

    Nester laughed.

    'Black... he--'

    'Shh.' Nester was stopping to listen at every door, pausing to check around every corner.

    'How are we going to find anything out in the dark?' I couldn't see anything but Nester's forearm in the dim glow from the lantern.
  16. plaid New Member

    'Trust Ba,' Nester said, stepping carefully around a pile of thick rope. 'What else've you found out, Plaid? Did your spying amount to much?'

    'They had Mynona on their side. But Black... and a lot of them, Moon Cat too, I think...they were always talking about Fred. Black said...' I trailed off, almost not daring to say it out loud. What if it were true? What if there was hope for my lost past?

    'Mynona, eh? Did you meet her?'

    I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see me. 'Yes. They had me hold her crystal. Underwater.' Remembering it made me shiver.

    'Colonesque said you brought back a pirate fella, right?'

    I muttered in response to this. Nester continued with a sigh, pausing every few minutes. 'The cult of Fred. yes... Doors talked about it like it wasn't real. As if it were Fred's little joke. They really believe in it though, do they?'

    'Yeah. They've got white tattoos of him. It's crazy. What's that?'

    There was a footstep. Nester lifted the lantern with one hand and reached out with the other. It was met by the edge of a dagger and the voice of Moon Cat Blue, wondering what he was doing all the way out here.

    'All the way out where, Cat darling?' he replied.

    She scoffed and took a few steps closer. I tried to stay in the shadows behind the doorman but she saw me anyway.

    'You too?' she smiled.
  17. Electric_Man Templar

    Spooky stuff, spooky ship, spooky doormen?

    Continue, spooky person!
  18. plaid New Member

    ben, this bold title is all yours. cherish it.

    Behind Moon Cat was the greenish face of Ivan. I had a sudden urge to run as fast as I could in the other direction, but I knew I probably would've tripped and hurt myself in the dark.

    'What in Ba's name are you two trying to find on this ship in the middle of the night?' Moon Cat said tauntingly.

    Nester coughed.

    'Where's Doors?' She withdrew her dagger just far enough to jab it in again.

    'Wardrobe,' Nester said. 'None of your business really. Shouldn't you trust us by now?'

    'Us, eh? Her too?' she turned her glare on me briefly.

    'We just want to see his dead body, that's all,' I said. 'That is all, right?'

    Nester coughed again.

    'What dead body?' Moon Cat smiled patiently at me.

    'Malory. Isn't he dead? Jordan swore do Orrdos he was dead.' I stared very hard at the woman. If she wouldn't give us what we'd come for, I might just tear those thick blond braids out of her head. At least that's the image with which I soothed my rather exhausted and impatient imagination.

    'Oh, 'tis the Captain you've come fer, eh?' She glanced up and Nester and then turned to Ivan, keeping her dagger in contact with Nester's skin. 'Shall we tell 'em? Er shall we show 'em?'

    'Either way, Moon Cat. We don't exactly got all night.' Nester undarkened his lantern carefully and threw a bit more light about the corridor. I leaned on the wall and wondered how soon I might get off the Catface.

    'What's yer hurry?' Moon Cat smirked, walking past me. 'Ivan, keep both eyes on these islander fools.' And we followed her, Ivan's rather damp footsteps trailing just behind my own clomping boots.
  19. chrisjordan New Member

    I never got a bold title. :(
  20. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    More. Please. Thank you.
  21. plaid New Member

    a lovely bold title made specially for chris. now quit being jealous

    Moon Cat pushed open the door to the galley and leaned against it while Nester carried the lantern in.

    'Trollmother is tied to the mast,' I said as I followed them. 'Why?'

    Moon Cat only smiled. 'Have a seat,' she said. 'Like a drink?'

    We met her with silence. Nester looked around expectantly.

    'He's really dead, don't worry,' Moon Cat.

    'The body, Moon Cat. Quit playing games.'

    'You don't trust me, Nester? Why after all we've been through, I thought--'

    Nester glared. I joined in.

    'We didn't come here to sit around,' I grumbled.

    'Well. I'd surely like to know the details. Did you really come all this way to see a corpse?' Moon Cat Blue pulled a few bottles of wine off a rack and tossed one to Ivan, who tore the cork out with his teeth. 'I assume,' our hostess continued, 'your two brain-dead lackeys are running around somewhere? Rincewind's probably hitting up Black for a few more hairy primates, I bet.'

    Nester's glare dissolved a little. Taking a long drink from the bottle Ivan offered, he looked at me warily and then told Moon Cat everything.

    'We suspect a bit of foul play,' he began. 'A lot of foul play. Unbelievable amounts of foul play. You've been cheating and Brad's been cheating and it really makes me wonder what all this Sock War mess is about.'

    Moon Cat smirked. 'Doesn't this all depend whose rules you're playing by?' she asked.

    'Exactly.'

    'Well?'

    'Maybe rules don't matter. But there are a lot of unanswered questions floating around.'

    'Moon Cat glanced casually at Ivan. 'I don't know about you,' she grinned, turning back to Nester, 'but I've got all the answers I need.'

    'You're just saying that,' I blurted.

    Everyone stared at me, and Nester gave me a smile and a nod.

    'How far do you remember, Moon Cat? How far back can you go?'

    Moon Cat frowned and closed her eyes. She tipped her own bottle of wine back and slouched into a chair. 'You had to pull that card,' she said with a sigh.
  22. plaid New Member

    The topic of memory made me squirm a little bit. A lot of things had been crammed into my recent past. I could remember meeting Hermes and Brad in the woods. I remembered hiking Mount Garner and reading the Words. But that cold morning on the beach was the very end of it. After that there was just a lot of empty space.

    Nester had a bit more coaxing to do. 'It's the ocean water, we know that. But we don't know anything else. Where we are. How we got here. But Malory...'

    Moon Cat sighed again. 'Ivan, bring him out.'

    Nester perked up, drank some more wine, and leaned against the stainless steel table. 'You have to know something. You were the first mate.'

    'Were, eh? Ye've not seen his body yet, Doorman.'

    I shivered.

    'Good grief, is he not dead then?' Nester exclaimed.

    'Just wait. You'll see.'

    'And in the meantime, you'll explain things.' I folded my arms and stared expectantly.

    Moon Cat sighed again. She looked at me. Studied me.

    'Why did you come back, Plaid? It took a lot to get you off this ship last time.'

    I considered which answer to give her. 'All I want are some answers, Moon Cat.' It was simplest. Less grudging than I hated that llama.

    'So gravedigging, just like Nester here,' Moon Cat smirked. 'Well you'll get some. You probably won't like them.'

    'That,' Nester said, 'is for us to decide. Go on, already. I know where the Catface comes from. How long have you been on her? Where else has she been?'

    'Wait, I don't know where the Catface comes from,' I interrupted.

    Moon Cat sat back. Ivan returned, empty handed. 'Arr ye'd be wantin' to come take a lookit this, Captain,' he slurred.

    The bottle of wine Moon Cat had been holding smashed. She was out the door without another word. Nester ran after her and I did my best to catch up.
  23. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    Oooooo...curiouser and curiouser.
  24. plaid New Member

    and. monkeys.

    Somewhere along the line we found Colonesque. We all ended up in Malory's cabin. Black and Rincewind had got there before us and were emptying the last drawer of the desk onto the floor.

    'What have you done with him?' Moon Cat demanded. 'What have you done!?'

    Rincewind gripped the edge of the desk and rolled his eyes in a really creepy and hideous way. Black turned to Moon Cat casually, but there was a cruelty hiding under his thick mustache that suggested he would gladly tear out every bone in our bodies and break them in half if the opportunity presented itself.

    'I suppose ye mean arr dearly departed Captain,' Black said. 'Threw 'im overboard.'

    'You'd better have a supremely good reason for that, Black.'

    'Ar, settle yerself down, Moon Cat. Rincewind and I are a wee bit busy, if'n ye don't mind.'

    'I do mind! I am -- I -- You can't have just--- I am the Captain of this ship!'

    Black laughed.

    I was staring at Rincewind. He had betrayed me. He had threatened to kill me. Now he was playing games with Black and none of it made any sense.

    'You know Rincewind's been spying for the pirates the whole time, right?' I addressed this to Nester and Colonesque. 'They give him monkeys. It's all a.. a plot.'

    Nester gaped. Colonesque looked at his fellow doorman and back at me. 'What monkeys?' he whispered. 'What blasted monkeys?' His eyes were big and round and bewildered.

    'Like Lord Cornelius,' I said. 'Who's probably stuffed inside that filthy red robe of his.'

    Moon Cat had her dagger out and was seething at Black. I wondered if she'd dare attack him. Ivan had his green hand on his sword. I had nothing. Not even my spork.

    'Do we have to have a fight?' I muttered. 'Do we have to break out the knives and things?'

    Black was pocketing papers and books from Maljonic's desk. Nester marched right up to the desk, grabbed Rincewind by the lapel of his bathrobe, and growled a low string of very serious-sounding words. I couldn't hear any of them; backing out of the cabin as smoothly as I could was more important than anything else at the moment.
  25. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    My god, Rinso is soooo creepy in this story.
  26. plaid New Member

    too bad rince hasn't read all this most recent stuff. i really am curious what he'll think of his character.
  27. plaid New Member

    'tis been too long since we had one of these

    So. Who attacks who first?

    all the dear readers of The Plaid Identity may vote. please consider carefully the following options:

    • 1. Ivan pushes the others aside and with his grandfather's sword slices off the head of Tony the Black.

      2. Rincewind, in a not very surprising fit, kicks over Maljonic's desk and gets his grubby monkey-loving hands around Moon Cat's throat while Black pulls out a pistol and threatens to shoot everyone in the room if they intervene.

      3. Moon Cat puts a few very nasty knife wounds in Black while Ivan kindly watches her back, and Nester and Colonesque drag their companion outside for a long and probably brutal interrogation.

    writing fight scenes is never that interesting for me.... but sometimes it's just gotta be done.

    you've got until.... well, until I say stop. go nuts.
  28. Electric_Man Templar

    Hmm, I think... a fountain of blood would be nice - option 1
  29. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    It was the grandfathers sword that interested me....I go for option 1
  30. plaid New Member

    i knew it... i knew it....

    you all just want tony to die.

    hrm.
  31. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    yeah, there's that too.
  32. chrisjordan New Member

    3. Two very ugly birds with one stone. And I want to see Rincewind squirm.
  33. Nester New Member

    3 warm up the heat lamp get the tools :)
  34. Garner Great God and Founding Father

    plaid told me to vote, but then told me not to pick option one, so i'm going to say that she shouldn't do any of these, but instead she should dye her hair green, weaving little green LED lights into it for a cool effect, and then fly to england and marry CJ.
  35. OmKranti Yogi Wench

    That would rock!
  36. plaid New Member

    garner is very disqualified.

    if the vote wasn't tied i'd be very tempted to call it right now... but i guess i won't yet.
  37. Buzzfloyd Spelling Bee

    Either 2 or 3. I think 3 would probably make the most narrative sense.
  38. plaid New Member

    and here's my chance.
    voting is thusly closed. thank you, thank you.

    spelunked roses

    Rincewind whimpered and wriggled as Nester relentlessly dragged him over the top of Maljonic's desk and straight out the door. Moon Cat took that opportunity to throw herself at Black, and in seconds Ivan's sword was drawn and I was scrambling outside myself.

    Colonesque, standing apart from his two counterparts, had his arms folded gravely. Rincewind lay on the deck, silent and limp. Crouched near his head was Nester, his left hand still gripping Rincewind's shirt. The wind was howling a low, preparatory howl.

    'What are you doing to him?' I asked, almost afraid to look too closely. The ship rocked. No stars were visible now. The small ship's lanterns seemed lost and far away.

    'Tell us everything they know,' Nester demanded.

    Rincewind merely drooled and moaned. Nester lifted his head and shoulders off the ground and slammed him back down. 'TELL US!'

    'Evvrything. Allovit. Just kill me now.' His eyes glistened, his arms weakly flailing.

    'Why?' Nester continued.

    'It ain't worth it,' Rincewind moaned. 'Curse Ba.'

    'WHY DID YOU DO IT?'

    Rincewind sobbed. Trollmother, squinting at us from the mast, tsked to herself and said 'For the monkeys,' softly.

    'For the monkeys,' I repeated. 'Why monkeys?'

    Nester dragged the monkey freak upright and growled into his face. 'You traded Fred for monkeys? You traded the Sock Wars for monkeys!? You dared to trade all that for some blasted primates!?'
  39. plaid New Member

    Colonesque moved hastily out of the way as Nester threw Rincewind toward the deck railing.

    'What use is this?' I asked. 'He's given up.'

    Colonesque frowned. 'Nester'll get his anger out and then we'll talk. We'll talk.'

    'Here?' The pirates seemed in a state of upheaving confusion. I wondered if Moon Cat had killed Black yet. There was no way I was going to poke my head back in that cabin to find out.

    'WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, RINCEWIND?' Nester was shouting, holding the man out over the open water.

    'Drop me, I don't care anymore.'

    'Don't,' I heard myself say. 'Don't!'

    Nester threw Rincewind back on the deck and glared at me.

    'Just--' Colonesque started. 'Just-- let's get back. Malory's dead. It's over.'

    'It's not over.' Nester kicked Rincewind and pulled out the glass spork from his coat. 'It is not over.'

    Trollmother shouted, 'The spork! By Ba and all the holy ovens of his kitchen-- that spork! Untie me, untie me!'

    I went to her but hesitated. 'You told us to leave you.'

    'Whatever guilt I must suffer for Malory's death will matter less if I but touch that spork.'

    'What?' I said.

    'She killed Malory?' Colonesque gasped.

    'You killed Malory?' I asked.

    Trollmother looked up at me with great pain and sighed. 'There is much evil on this ship that I could have prevented.'

    'He's really dead then?'

    The woman nodded. Nester had his foot squarely on Rincewind's chest. Nobody moved.

    'And you killed him? What about Mossfoot?'

    'I will not answer for the merfolk. Your questions are so heavy... the spork...'

    'Okay,' I demanded, 'what is that thing?' I had to shout over the wind.
  40. plaid New Member

    Nester just stared at me.

    'That thing is a pure fulgurite spork. The union of the Holy Ba and the Great Garner. It is a powerful thing.' Trollmother's eyes were fixed on the spork in Nester's hand. 'Let me touch it... I must...'

    'Why?' Nester asked.

    'Must you deny a broken woman her last and only wish? Must you be so--'

    Nester snorted. I glared at him.

    'Why can't she just touch it, Nester? What's the big deal?'

    Colonesque said, 'We dug up this one. It's ours.'

    'You couldn't have found it without help. Which of the merfolk told you where to look?' Trollmother was fidgeting, trying to wriggle her hands free of their ropes.

    'Let's go,' Nester said. 'Somebody is going to die on this ship tonight and I don't need to be here for that.'

    'You're just going to leave Moon Cat in there with Black? What if he kills her?' I shouted.

    'Let the bloody pirates act like bloody pirates!' He kicked Rincewind again and poised the spork over his face. Meanwhile Trollmother was whimpering next to me, her few free fingers trying to catch the cuff of my sleeve. I looked up at the rolled sails and pitch black sky. I could just barely make out the dark crags of the island cliffs.

    'We can't just...' but we really could. Moon Cat and Black didn't need us. We'd only come to see if Malory were really dead. He was. By all means let's get off this creepy ship. 'But...'

    'Plaid, what makes you think you have any say whatsoever? Either get over here or we'll leave you behind.'

    'Don't, please don't leave me here.'

    'Well then.' Nester's boot on Rincewind's chest was hurting him. Suffocating him, nearly. The spork poised above his nose taunting him, still smeared with his own blood.

    I kneeled with the others, giving Trollmother one last pitying look. It started to rain a cold and frantic rain. Nester scratched the spork across Rincewind's cheek and kicked over his lantern. In its brief flame, he whispered the words and dripped the blood and the ship blew away.
  41. plaid New Member

    'Ow ow ow!' Colonesque screeched. I blinked sand out of my eyes. He was standing in among the red embers of the fire they had built.

    'Plaid you idiot!' Nester growled, standing up dragging Rincewind with him.

    I coughed. The wind was worse on this side of the island and sand was blowing all over the place. 'I didn't mean to!' I yelled as Trollmother toppled over on top of me.

    'The spork...' she wheezed. I pushed her off of me and managed to stand up myself. With a shiver I started walking towards the forest. I had to get out of this wind.

    To my surprise the doormen followed me.

    Trollmother didn't.

    Nester wasn't carrying the spork anymore.

    'You give it to her now?' I accused in my most angry sarcastic voice.

    Nester didn't answer.

    'You don't know what she's going to do with it!'

    The forest was just as calm and smelly as usual. Nester kept walking, dragging Rincewind. Colonesque sat down for a moment to inspect his melted sandals and burnt feet.

    'No chance of a piggyback ride, is there Plaid?' he said.

    'Where are you even going? What is he goign to do to Rincewind? Are you just leaving Trollmother out on the beach?'

    'That woman can keep track of herself. Borrow your boots, at least?'
  42. OmKranti Yogi Wench

  43. plaid New Member

    sunrise sunset potatoes

    'They won't fit you.'

    'Don't care.'

    'I suppose you'll carry me then, eh?'

    'Sure.'

    'Where's Nester going?'

    'Yak pit, looks like.'

    'And you?' I asked, prying my boots off and handing them over. 'I will get these back, I hope?'

    'Doormen stick together.'

    'What about Rincewind? He betrayed everyone.'

    Colonesque said nothing. I allowed myself to be hoisted into his arms and we walked primarily in silence, following Rincewind's occasional yelps and whimpers.

    'The yak pit was ruined, I thought?'

    'Yeah, dragons filled it all in with ash. Lucky for Nester. Doors thought he had something to do with it, but he'd never go in with Dragonmother. She's psycho.'

    'Why are we going there then?' I wondered.

    'How about you ask Nester when we get there? These boots hurt.'

    'I'm hungry.'
  44. plaid New Member

    'He let Trollmother have the spork thing. Couldn't it have taken us to the yak pit?'

    'Abusing the power of Ba when you can walk is not smart,' Colonesque recited.

    'The power of Ba. The same power that brings the pie? How did you know where to dig for the spork anyway? Trollmother said... merfolk?'

    'Mynona's on their side, right? Well, we've got a spy on ours too. Little flying guy--Pepster. Great friend of those mermaidens, he is.'

    'Oh. Him.'

    'You met him?'

    'Just today. After the zombies.' I shuddered.

    Colonesque sighed. 'The zombies. They shouldn't be involved, Dragonmother shouldn't be involved. Merfolk neither. It's all a mess now.'

    'Malory's dead. It's all pointless now, isn't it?' It always had been pointless.

    'We aren't fighting the same Sock Wars this round,' he said. 'It's bigger.'

    We could see Nester dragging Rincewind ahead of us now. The clouds ahead were breaking up a little.

    'How big?'

    And then he tripped on a rock and nearly squashed me to death. I groaned.

    'Sorry, Plaid,' he muttered, getting up. 'Blasted boots.'

    'I'll walk barefoot. No worries.' I ignored his extended hand and helped myself up off the ground.

    We were right behind Nester in a few moments, and the effort of keeping up with him was all that kept me from falling asleep.
  45. plaid New Member

    We had to trudge nearly all the way around the island to reach the yak pit. I found myself cursing Ba and his spork thing and Nester all at once. I nearly demanded my boots back from Colonesque, but I bit my tongue. It wasn't his fault he'd burnt his feet.

    'Speaking of zombies,' Colonesque said, 'River's just there.'

    I stopped. 'What?'

    Colonesque turned and looked at me. Nester and Rincewind were fuzzy figures ahead of us in the grey light of dawn. Beyond them I could see the slope of the hills down to the bay. I think I was imagining the faintest screaming of that waterfall. But maybe not.

    'I am not going anywhere near that river.'

    'Don't be a fish-brain, Plaid.'

    'You can't make me.'

    'Fine then, but I'm taking your boots.'

    I stared, unmoved. 'There's no bridge? No boat? Do we have to?'
  46. plaid New Member

    'There's no boat, Plaid. I'll carry you if you're gonna be a wimp about this.'

    'Have you seen those zombies?' I squeaked. 'Have you heard that screaming waterfall?'

    Colonesque nodded and kept walking. 'I've been on this island a fair bit longer than you, kid. There's worse things than zombies.'

    I followed in a stiff sort of terror. 'Like what? Yaks and dragons?'

    He laughed.

    I squirmed uncontrollably as the doorman carried me over the filthy orange river. Jullienned Yak tongue. Three gallons of... monkey brains... You could hardly hear the screaming this close to shore.

    The sun was half up when we got to the yak pits. And there was Brad, asleep under a palm tree with a shovel.

    'Can we kill that llama while we've got the chance?' I whispered.

    The yak pit was indeed full of somewhat damp ash. Someone was down in there digging it out but they hadn't made much progress.

    Nester walked up to the edge of the large round ash-filled hole, twisted Rincewind's arm in a friendly way, and flipped him into the pit. Rincewind screamed.

    'Wet ash,' Colonesque tsked. 'Ouch.'

    'Doormen!' Brad the wonder llama jumped up and shouted. 'You doormen...'

    'Hush your face, llama,' Nester growled. 'This does not concern you.'

    'But you do, Nester. You are ruining the Sock Wars.'

    'Were already ruined.'

    I scowled at the llama. I didn't know whether to be glad or jealous that he wasn't noticing me at all.

    Brad scowled and wiggled his tail and kicked the shovel. 'Wait til Doors hears about all this.'

    'About all what? Regular doormen business? What's he going to do?'

    'Nester...' Colonesque cautioned.

    While they glare at each other I wandered towards the edge of the infamous Yak Pit, coughing a little at the ash Rincewind's fall had thrown into the air, and peered into it.

    It was impossible to see much, but I could hear that pirate kid's voice beneath Rincewind's low shreiks. Then suddenly a hand reached up from the pit and grabbed the ground at my feet. A second, matching hand followed.
  47. chrisjordan New Member

    Mm, monkey brains.

    Le more.
  48. plaid New Member

    fuzzed in a puddle

    They were both rather metalic looking. Weird.

    'Plaid get away from there. Nester, you just can't disregard all of this. It isn't--'

    'Why?' I wondered.

    The metal hands lifted their accompanying head and torso out of the yak pit and I continued to stare while taking a few steps backwards, tripping conveniently over that shovel.

    'Hex?'

    The thing ignored me, retrieved the shovel from under my right foot, and stuck it handle first into the pit. He lifted out Jordan first, and then the sputtering Rincewind.

    Brad was still yelling.

    I gaped at the three who had just come up out of the ash-filled pit. Their skin underneath the sticky white ash was an irritated red. Except for the metal one. It had no skin and just looked severely tarnished.

    'For stealing socks?' I asked. Jordan nodded, scratching the inside of his wrist, trying to dust the ash off his clothes.

    I glanced at Rincewind, who was curled up in a squirming ball of whining red bathrobe. Even while I recoiled at the thought that that llama could put actual human beings into a pit of wet ash, I wanted to kick Rincewind back into it. I settled for running at Brad and kicking him instead.

    My recklessness interrupted his tirade on doorman loyalties. I got my trousers nicely torn by his filthy llama teeth for my trouble.

    'Plaid, have you gone insane?' I couldn't tell who yelled that.
  49. plaid New Member

    'The llama is insane!' I shouted. 'You know it's all pointless but you still won't give it up! You deserve to be a llama forever!'

    As Brad attempted to push me over into the yak pit I scrambled to pull his four skinny legs out from under him, grabbing tufts of hair and yanking his ears, twisting his tail.

    Everyone else was just staring.

    The llama cursed me under his foul llama-y breath. I continued shouting.

    'Malory didn't even know how to change you back. Malory's DEAD! Just give up, for Ba's sake. Go drink the ocean and be a llama forever! And leave the rest of us alone!'

    'Electric Man...' Brad wheezed. I'd got him down on one side and my elbow in his side. 'Stop her. Get her off me...'

    The metal figure approached and did not flinch at my kicking or shouting. His hands pryed my fingers from the llama's hairy coat, shifted the weight of my body away from his. I screamed in a generally aggrivated way, still kicking anything close enough to kick.

    Both Nester and Colonesque ran over and in turn took me from the Electric Man's cold hands. They held me firmly and tried to calm me down. I shook my head and stopped kicking, but glared at the llama as he struggled to stand up again.

    He clicked his yellow teeth and growled at me. 'That,' he said in a low voice, 'was uncalled for. I should have you thrown in that pit.'

    I stared at him. 'Malory's dead,' I said. 'Orrdos hired Mossfoot to kill him. Nobody would tell you about it! Everyone else was afraid to say anything!'

    'Plaid--' Jordan was making a pained face at me but I didn't stop.

    'There's a whole cult!' I continued. 'A cult of Fred, and... and... probably he's behind the zombie attacks too. Orrdos wouldn't fight them. He wouldn't! He just stood there! He just stood there!'

    'Plaid,' Nester grabbed my shoulder and hissed at me. 'Plaid, you don't know what you're doing.'

    'What am I doing?' I shouted. 'In the name of Ba tell me what on earth I'm doing! I'd love to know!'

    'SHH,' Nester said.

    'Where did you get this information, Plaid?' Brad took one step closer to me, his face plastered over with a proud, inquisitive expression.

    I feel silent, went limp against Colonesque, squinting into the risen sun, suddenly unwilling to say anything else to the llama. The way he was looking at me made me feel like everything behind me had just gone black and empty and cold.
  50. plaid New Member

    'I had intended to counsel you in private, Plaid, but it appears to be a more pressing matter than I thought.' Brad scratched one hoof through the sand and blinked at me thoughtfully. 'You seem to know a fair bit about this island already.'

    I sighed. If I fell asleep here on the ground with a doorman for a pillow, would the beast quit talking? But there was no getting out of it.

    'What can I do to encourage you to be explicit here, Plaid? Can I bribe you with extra pie or would you rather be threatened with torture?'

    A shiver crawled over my skin. I knew he was perfectly serious. I didn't have to look at him or watch the way he calmly shifted his hind legs around to know that.

    'You first,' I said.

    'Excuse me?'

    'You first, I said. Let's trade. I want your story. Then you can have mine.'

    Brad coughed. 'Electric Man,' he instructed, 'Continue digging. Jordan you too. Doormen, if you feel so inclined, you may assist them. Plaid and I will be right back.'

    'No.' I didn't want to move. I didn't want to be alone with that llama either.

    'You don't trust me.'

    I shook my head.

    'Bring Nester then.'

    I looked up at Nester cautiously. He glanced at his fellow doormen in turn, and then at Brad.

    'Doormen stick together,' he said. 'We have pressing matters of our own, you know.'
  51. plaid New Member

    I brought my knees up and hugged them, still squinting. Brad coughed again.

    'Well then.'

    I looked at Jordan.

    'We'll take Jordan,' I said. 'Leave Electric face to watch the doormen. They need watching.'

    Brad scowled a little.

    'Come on,' I continued. 'It's cruel, making him work in that pit of ash. Stupid.' I stood up and gave them both one last look before I started walking into the trees, glancing back just once to wonder how those doormen were going to sort out their backstabbing friend.

    Brad nudged the pirate and they both followed me. I wanted to walk far and separate us totally from everywhere else, but I was so tired. When we could no longer see the yak pit I picked a flat-ish sort of rock and climbed up to sit on it. The morning pie came right on time. Coconut creme, with the thinest, flakiest crust.

    After my first fluffy bite I said to Brad, 'Go on then.'

    'I came to this island just like you did. You're very right that I wasn't always a llama.' He paced around the few scrawny trees that grew near my rock, his disgust audible in every word. 'Malory showed you the photograph, didn't he?'

    I nodded. 'But it's not my turn yet, llama. Continue.'

    Brad cleared his throat and tapped his hind left hoof on the nearest tree. 'I found nobody but the pirates.'

    'And you had no memory? Why didn't they take you on?'

    'The pirates,' Brad went on, 'were suspicious of the island. Maljonic and his old friend Catface weren't from here. They sailed here.'

    'From where?'

    Brad looked at Jordan but didn't answer.

    'Don't you know? Didn't they say?'

    'Did Maljonic tell you, along with everything else? I didn't think so,' Brad said. 'Like I said, suspicious. The wouldn't take me to their ship. But they showed me the mermaidens. They warned me of the dragons. I found the Dragonmother but she too was suspicious.'

    'How long ago was this?'
  52. plaid New Member

    'I've been a llama three years by the Sock Wars. I was here less than one before that.'

    I finished my pie and stretched out on my rock, closing my eyes and letting Brad devour his own in the silence. The sun was warm.

    'Watch out,' Jordan said suddenly, standing up and reaching for a sword he didn't have. There was a ripple in the wind and a shadow in the sky. I blinked at Jordan; he was staring up through the treetops, waiting. I didn't move.

    'What is it? Dragons?'

    'Shh,' Brad said.

    I closed my eyes again and concentrated on the smooth, cool stone on my face. No dragon was going to eat me. Dragons don't eat people.

    'She's still alive...' Brad whispered.

    'Dragonmother?' I murmured. 'How?'

    'Look.'

    I rolled over and watched four dragons sail over us. They were magnificent in the bright morning light, but they didn't seem the least bit interested in us. We watched them spiral just west of our clump of trees for a moment.

    When I looked back to Brad I suddenly realized... they must be here for the yaks.

    But nobody moved. The llama didn't rush down to intervene. Jordan just took off his hat and stared off into space.

    'The doormen?' I asked.

    Brad swallowed loudly. 'They'll be... fine.'
  53. plaid New Member

    'Are you sure it's her? We watched her jump off that cliff.'

    'They fly, idiot.' Jordan turned his hat over in his hands, apparently deep in thought.

    'The island is full of tricks,' Brad said.

    'Okay. Like what?'

    'Like the Yak Pit. Like the Words. Like the Zombie River. The Garner himself.' Brad lifted his large round eyes to mine.

    I yawned. I hadn't slept for so long.

    'We can return to the caves, Plaid.' Brad suggested this and I just knew he had all sorts of ulterior motives.

    'No,' I said, sitting up and blinking all the sleepy thoughts out of my head. 'You were telling us about everyone being so suspicoius.'

    'Everyone is still suspicious. Buzzfloyd took you to the lagoon, didn't she? The mermaidens are a perfect example of the unyeilding superstition that grips this island. They trust no one.'

    'And you do?'

    Brad sighed. 'I found the underground corridors. I took in all these poor castaway souls. I didn't ask you any questions about it, did I? I didn't demand to know whose side you were on, did I?'

    'Why can you still talk?' I suddenly wondered. 'What happened when Malory turned you into a llama?'

    'If I knew, I'd've undone it years ago, Plaid,' he said with a cough. 'If I knew anything about it more than you know...'

    'You were there!' I exclaimed. 'You have to know something.'

    Brad merely glowered in my direction. 'Let's not get ahead of ourselves, shall we?'

    There was a collection of screams from the yak pit and we all three jumped. Jordan stood up again, returning his hat to his head.

    'We'd be no use,' Brad warned. 'We'd all just get in the way. The dragons have their business and you don't want to waste your time fighting them. The others will run if they know what's good for them.'

    I stood up on my rock and tried to see through the bits of jungle separating us from them. The only visible clues were large, colorful wings, twitching slightly.
  54. plaid New Member

    'Keep going, Brad, before I fall asleep.'

    'There wasn't always pie,' he said. 'I could have starved to death.'

    'Really?' I looked at my plate full of crumbs and pondered a pie-less universe. It would be like... like... eating pirate slop. It would be like being lost.

    'I killed a yak and roasted it. I explored the island. The Garner told me his name.'

    'What?'

    Brad blinked slowly at me. 'What what?'

    'The Garner told you its name?'

    'His name.'

    'His?'

    'Yeah, 'is,' Jordan joined in.

    'What?' I repeated.

    'Oh give it up, Plaid,' the llama scolded.

    'But how exactly did that hunk of rock tell you its name?'

    'Are we not getting sidetracked here?' Brad said.

    'I don't care!'

    'Ask 'im yerself,' Jordan said. 'All ye gotta do is look--' he threw his hand toward the volcano. 'Garner.'

    I looked. I remained as unsure about the name of that mountain as I was about everything else. There was a slippery pause while the llama and the pirate looked at me funny.

    'The Words too. I found them, and in them was the first manifestation of pie.'

    'But... they're not the words of Ba?'

    Brad shook his head. 'But it is a holy place.'

    'Holy?' My hand went to my coat pocket and the water-damaged pages of The Holy Book of Om.

    'Din't look holy to me,' Jordan said.
  55. plaid New Member

    'And you're such an expert?' Brad asked. 'It's holy to us.'

    I wondered what us he was talking about. And then I realized, 'The dragon... That dragon is named Om.' And I yanked the book out of my pocket.

    The llama and the pirate gasped when they saw what its cover so meagerly spelled out.

    'Where'd you get that?' Brad demanded.

    'That book...' Jordan muttered.

    'What? What about it? I just had it... I don't remember.' I gingerly opened the book. Malory had kept one on his shelf. I wonder if Moon Cat would get it or if Black had stowed it in one of his pockets already. Or if either of them were dead yet. 'Malory had one too. What is it?'

    'You'll have to ask the Dragonmother.'

    'Why? Is it really...' I didn't know what to call it. I wasn't sure what I was asking. Looking up I saw Brad looking off into space and Jordan staring out at the dragons near the coast. Om Kranti was probably one of them. I'd ridden on her scaly back. I shivered.

    'Ba. Pie.' I looked back at Brad, closing my unreadable book. 'Go on.'

    Brad shook his head and came back to earth, blinking and trying to regrasp the thread of his narrative.

    'Pie. Yes, the first I ever saw or heard of pie was in the Words... standing on human feet with a torch in one hand. Lyn's fish pie.'

    'Who?' I asked.

    Brad shrugged.

    'That book,' Jordan said again. 'Malory 'ad one. Trollmother... Trollmother?' He was still staring out at those dragons, the hat on his head throwing his whole face into shadow. Suddenly he looked at me, and at Brad, 'Yar din' know about th'assassination? Ye 'adn't...?' The young pirate looked almost repentant. Nearly ashamed.

    Brad just looked at the boy, his llama eyes slightly crooked.

    'Don't interrupt, Jordan,' I said at last.
  56. plaid New Member

    and listen to its silky purr

    'After that I kept having dreams,' Brad went on. 'The next time I saw Malory I spoke to him about them. And the words. And he let down his burden of suspicion for once. We could've been friends, Mal and I. But he kept so many secrets.'

    'Like what?'

    'His ear, first and foremost. I don't suppose you got to look at his ear, Plaid, but it -- oh it is the worst secret.'

    'What was wrong with it?' I looked back and forth between Brad and Jordan.

    Jordan just shook his head, still nervously gazing out at those dragons.

    'He never told anyone. Catface might have known, but Catface died the day I met him. Dead men don't tell secrets.' Brad stretched his neck and added, 'That was the same day I ended up like this.'

    I waited.

    'Three Sock Wars ago, Jordan may remember, it was a very wet season. Cloudy for months straight. The rivers both flooded. I begged Maljonic to help us build a dam. The mer--'

    'Us who?'

    'The mermaidens, as I was saying,' Brad muttered, 'needed my help. The floods were messing with their rhythms.'

    'Oh. That's not what Malory told me. He said the mermaidens set a trap and you--.'

    Brad coughed and rubbed his nose into his side for a full minute before beginning again. I blinked impatiently, still fighting off sleep.

    'The dam got built but I don't remember how. It's all in pieces... the rain, the waterfall. I've heard since that someone pushed Catface off it to his death.'

    'Trollmother says it was the wrath of Ba,' Jordan added.

    'Malory never talks about it.' Brad was staring at the ground. 'He never talked about me before either, until now. I remember wading in that filthy zombie river as a human being, and then I woke up in the woods a llama, covered with dried orange scum.'
  57. plaid New Member

    'That's it?' I said.

    Brad nodded grimly and began pacing again.

    'That's really it?'

    'Trollmother says tha's the wrath er Ba too,' Jordan said softly.

    'Trollmother says?' I said.

    'Din't know what she was talkin' 'bout afore though, exactly.'

    'Trollmother's on the island,' I said, mostly to myself. 'With that spork thing...'

    'Spork thing?' the llama asked. 'What spork thing?'

    'The doormen dug up a spork thing and used it to get on the Catface. Trollmother came back with us. She really wanted that spork thing...'

    'The... the fulgurite spork?' Jordan said, his eyes wide.

    'She called it that...' I said.

    'Oh no.' Brad stopped pacing.

    'Oh no?' I wondered.

    'It wasn't supposed to happen yet.' Brad twitched, casting nervous glances in the direction of the yak pit. 'She's... I'm...'

    'What do you mean yet? What's happening? What's the matter?'

    Jordan tugged on his hat. There was a thoughtful look on his face.

    'She's on Ba's side, Jordan? But does she have the good of the island in mind? Or is she... Will she...' Brad chewed on his tongue for a moment, his eyes staring patiently up at the pirate.

    Jordan seemed about to speak but Brad cut him off again. 'We have to get to the Words.'

    'Why?' I was still tired. A hike to the Words was the last thing I wanted to undertake. 'Why why why and what's the big deal? Nester just tossed it to her when he didn't need it anymore.'
  58. plaid New Member

    'Nester don' know nuffin,' Jordan said, watching the llama take off through the trees.

    'What does the spork have to do with the Words?' I asked, still perched on my rock and unwilling to move.

    Jordan shrugged slightly and turned as if to follow Brad.

    'Where are you going?'

    He shrugged again. I decided to take a nap on my rock and catch up with them later.

    But I couldn't sleep. I closed my eyes and wanted to sleep, but on top of the cool sea breeze was the smell of ash and the sound of leathery dragon wings. Nobody was screaming now.

    After a few minutes the rock quit being comfortable. I stood up petulantly and trudged back to the yak pit. Four dragons twitched as I entered their presence. There was no sign of any doormen. Metal body parts were strewn around the pit. One of the dragons looked at me curiously, leaned its head sideways, and then lifted a foreleg and stepped on a yak.

    Maybe, on the other hand, a hike to the Words would be just the thing. I tore my eyes from the bloody bickering over the squashed yak which ensued as all four dragons turned their attention away.

    I was too tired to run. I didn't really know which direction the Words were in, anyway. Brad and Jordan were yards ahead. I wandered in the general direction they'd gone, thinking in questions. Were the doormen all killed? Was the Dragonmother still alive? Would the yak pit be dragon-infested from now on? What did that spork have to do with all this? Would the words have any answers this time? Does any of it really matter?

    The trees thinned as I climbed the gentler slopes up to the words. I though I could see the cave just before I tripped over a rock and landed sprawled on the grass. I couldn't get up. A part of me really did want to catch up with the llama but I closed my eyes and inhaled the warm earthy smells of the ground and fell asleep.
  59. plaid New Member

    I woke up to the smell of smoke. There was pie all over my elbow.

    Not hungry enough to bother tasting it, I took myself and my grass-stained trousers the last few yards to the cave of the Words. It looked like everything in it was on fire.

    'Brad?' I yelled. 'Jordan? Llama?'

    I heard nothing in response. I bit my lip, took a long breath, and walked through the smoke into the dark. A little ways into the cave the smoke thinned a little as the passage widened out. I nearly fell twice before I got far enough in to see the fire Brad had built down in the heart of the cave. Jordan was diligently adding wood to it.

    'Hey!' I tried to get their attention. With all the smoke I couldn't quite see the way down. If they didn't answer I decided I'd just turn around and go back to sleeping in the sunshine.

    But Jordan looked up. Brad muttered something and said 'Plaid is that you?'

    'What are you doing down there?' I said.

    The llama coughed and muttered again. Jordan took a candle from somewhere, lit it, and started walking around to a crude staircase that connected the deeper cavern with the opening where I stood. I followed the faint light and met the pirate halfway. 'What is he doing down there?' I repeated.

    ''e wanted ter see.'

    'The Words?'

    'What else?'

    Brad trotted around the bonfire and began asking questions. Exactly where they had dug up the fulgurite spork. What Trollmother had said about it. Whose blood they had used.

    'Why is this so important? Did you two see what those dragons did down there?'

    'What?' Brad asked. 'What did they do?'

    'Electric face is torn to pieces. And they're eating the yaks.'

    The llama nodded. 'That is what dragons do. They eat yaks.'

    'The doormen were gone.'

    The llama blinked at me.

    'The spork, Plaid. They dug it up where?'

    'It was dark. I don't know.'

    Brad paced agitatedly. I rolled my eyes.
  60. plaid New Member

    'This is bad.'

    I just looked from Brad to Jordan and back. It was getting really warm.

    'I dunno if she'd come 'ere first,' Jordan ventured. 'There's other islands.'

    'What?' I blurted. 'Other islands where?'

    'Other islands. In th' world.'

    I gaped. I choked. The smoke and heat from the fire stung my eyes.

    Brad glared at Jordan. I glared at the llama. 'What else haven't you told us?'

    'Us?' he questioned. 'Who's us? We have bigger problems than this!'

    I continued to glare. 'How long was I asleep?'

    Nobody spoke. I turned to the fire and tried glaring at it. some of it dates. Everything... That spork. The union of Ba and Garner? I rubbed my slightly sticky elbow and sighed.

    'How big is the cave?' I glanced briefly at Jordan, who had slouched against the side, and then looked back.

    The flames threw shadows around the high walls of the words. I followed them in their chaotic dancing for several minutes before it registered that all the walls, every square inch of them I could see from down here, were blank.

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