today I'm Unlimited internet time

Today I am the aggreivating neighbour who plays with the new puppy that can still wriggle through the rails in the fence.

today i am "weeds that keep growing back even when you yell at them and take the tiller to them."

Today I am Being Fired.

My biker name is "people who ruin the endings of movies, tv shows and books for you."

I know a guy who's ruined the ending of 3 books for me, and another who's ruined two movies.

At the end of Titanic, the boat sinks.

Sorry.

I think I'm Registering-That-A-Door-Is-Marked-Pull-Yet-Inexplicably-Deciding-To-Push-On-It.

The Mistress of Mindless and Useless Knowledge

nice one Mina !

I think today I will be (and have been for the last 4 months) People Who Long Outstay Their Welcome And Just Won't Go Away.

Although I could be known as People Who Are Too Feeble To Ask Unwanted Squatters To Leave Their Home.

I'll be: No jobs in Scotland for Technical Authors(apparently).


Kat : hope you resolve that situation soon - I've been there and it's a nightmare.

Process for removal of unwanted guests:

1. Wait till guest goes to the shops/pub.
2. Deposit all guests gear on pavement outside.
3. Change locks.
4. Never open door or answer telephone ever ever again.

Alternatively.

1. Buy baseball bat or any particular weapon of choice.
2. Smile distantly when cleaning said weapon in front of guest.
3. Develop facial tick and say '...As the dark one commands' after every sentence.
4. Start building a 'Patio'.

R.

Thanks Randy, I have ben dreaming alternatively of both those solutions for a while, being on the 5th floor, it's pretty hard to find somewhere to dispose conveniently of bodyparts, so that kindof rules 2 out... 1 may still be applied if aforesaid squatter doesn't move his hairy butt off our couch very soon.

Tell the squatter you're moving to ::insert faraway place here::, to take care of a distant relative. Start packing conspicuously, all the while insisting that, if it were up to you, the said squatter could squat with you indefinitely, but things being as they are, etc.etc. Throw a going-away party, if necessary. The distant relative can then miraculously get better overnight (and call you to ask not to trouble yourself with moving), as soon as the squatter's hairy butt is safely out the door!

For the next month I am Uni Assignments That Are Physically Impossible To Complete Before The Dates They Are Due.

In which case, maybe I'll be French-Tutorials-In-Which-It-Is-Forbidden-To-Speak-In-French! Ughhhhh!

The best ways to remove unwanted guests.

1. Come home in tears and tell them you have contracted an extremely nasty and contagious disease.

2. Arrange with a gay friend to move in and keep making passes at them.

3. Tell them to get out.

If these don't work (or you can't bring yourself to try them) invite them to meet you at the most expensive restaurant you know and move while they are out.