The Plaid One was wheeled down a brightly lit corridor by a doctor who would stop at nothing to help those in need; a doctor who had braved the worst of terrible conditions and had Fought For The People on more than one occasion.

That doctor was Doctor Kranti.

And not even Grace and Garner, standing with their feet on the bed's metal frame, could slow her down.

'Will she be alright?' asked Garner.

'Maybe you should loosen her cape so she can breathe more easily,' said Grace. 'I read that capes are the number one killer in dramatic hospital corridor excursions.'

'Corner!' yelled Doctor Kranti, turning sharply left. Grace and Garner held on tight as the forces worked upon them accordingly. Doctor Kranti struggled to regain control of the bed as it threatened to veer off to the side, and then continued to push it forward with all her strength.

'Double doors!' she shouted, joining the others on the bedframe before they crashed through.


'Erm,' said Cynical Youth. 'That shouldn't have happened.'

'Oh,' said Hsing. 'So what does this mean, then?' she asked, sounding uneasy. 'That there are zombies everywhere?'

'Well, I didn't see any when I was following you,' said a sardonic, female voice right behind Hsing. 'But they may just be good at hiding.'

'Who are you?' demanded Cyn.

'Always a good question to ask first,' replied the voice, 'but I see no reason to answer it. A little advice, though, if I may. Try not to move, or I will damage you.'

'What do you want?' said Cyn, taking care to speak in a more level tone.

'I want you to stop asking questions now,' she replied, 'and just to do as I say. Now, slowly and carefully, lie face down on the floor.'

Slowly and carefully, they did so.

'Now interlock your fingers behind your heads,' she said.

They did that, too.

'And stick your feet up in the air.'

'What?'

'Do it.'

And much to their humiliation, they did it.

There was a small crack, and the woman dropped a green glowstick to the floor. It illuminated her features from beneath in a rather creepy way. She had dark eyes, and a sardonic expression to match her sardonic tone. Her face was framed by dark, curly hair. She was sat on one of the lower bunk beds with her legs crossed, dressed in apparently casual clothes: a white blouse, pink cardigan and jeans. A gun was held casually but nevertheless pointed at them in her right hand.

'Well, this is entertaining,' she said. 'Ambassador, Team Leader: I am here to stop you from getting into any more trouble.'


'This is most exhilarating,' said a doctor. 'I'm quite astounded that we've never tried it before.'

Several people, mostly members of the hospital staff, were perched on the bedframe, their hands gripping the mattress for support.

'Go faster!' snapped Grace. Garner whimpered and doubled his efforts, and the bed went full-throttle past reception.

Plaid was sat up in the bed, looking at the people assembled around her. 'Hey, I've only just regained consciousness here. Are you sure you should be doing this?'

The hitchhikers ignored her, continuing to issue sounds of glee.

'I have doubts about your professionalism, you know. Hey, you!' she said to Doctor Kranti. 'Give me back my cape!'

amelia: yo
i am a yoyo.

Chris: yes

But... but... Mr. Jordan!
You got blown up?

More!

_Light moves faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak._

More!

"Hoher Sinn liegt oft im kindischen Spiel." (Friedrich Schiller)

[quote:7623b5bc4c="spiky"]Zombies and pirates fighting, huzzah! I'm hanging with baited breath for the ninjas to turn up too [/quote:7623b5bc4c]
How about Chris the Ninja Pirate ??? (yes, they did it...)

Damn Spider pig

this makes me happy.
i'm glad i took the time our of my insane end-of-semester to read it.

joe pancake?

amelia: yo
i am a yoyo.

Chris: yes

And so it continued to burn.

Onlookers kept their distance for the foul smell of cooked zombieflesh, ever more dominant in the intense heat of the fire.

And through the flame stepped a terrifying apparition, a figure made tall by the ornate monstrosity upon its head, and made disturbingly eminent by the nightmarish red satin that bulged shockingly outwards at the waist, burnt and torn in several places. In one hand it held a cutlass, and in the other, a zombie's head, held by its lank hair.

The onlookers, appalled by the manifestation before them, turned and fled.

Kennilesque threw the head to one side and the cutlass to another. 'I don't know what they're screaming about,' he said, as an almost identical but slightly shorter figure emerged from the flames shortly after. 'All the zombies here are dead.'

'Where's Plaid?' asked Rinsamien.


Plaid left the hospital rubbing her head. She considered her next move. Unconsciousness had been a slight hindrance, and now she needed to make up for lost time.

She skimmed lightly down the road, her feet barely touching the ground, making a swift return to the obliterated ship to find and make sure the other two weren't hurt.


'Why are you doing this?' Cyn persisted, as the dark-haired woman examined the equipment on the table. She had bound Cyn and Hsing's hand and feet with cord. 'Are you responsible for the zombies?'

The woman laughed, sounding genuinely amused. 'Well, aren't you just the heroic type,' she said, 'going straight for the big answer. I'm afraid I have nothing to do with your zombie friends.'

'Then why are you holding us here?' asked Hsing.

'I'm just being employed,' the woman replied. 'It's really nothing personal. Stay nice and quiet for a few days and I let you go. Those are the terms of my payment.'

'A few days?'

'Don't worry; I have biscuits. If you're good.'

'What are you?' questioned Hsing. 'A contract babysitter? You say you have nothing to do with the zombies...but then what kind of trouble are you stopping us from getting into, exactly?'

'I am a freelance operative,' she replied, idly playing with a coffee-maker. 'Something I wouldn't change for the world. Only, where there was once the thrill and excitement of saving small children from the open jaws of crocodiles, or freeing the enslaved people of Kooknaboom, there is now financial instability. You are rewarded with glory and honour in the local paper, but, unless you can get a good price for your first-hand story, there is very little money. And so I have had to turn to more dubious work.'

'Wait...' said Hsing. 'Kooknaboom? You're Doctor Kryptlocke? The famous, nay, legendaryaction heroine, Doctor Avgi Kryptlocke?'

'Well, you know...' said Doctor Kryptlocke, with thinly-veiled pride.

'And you're working for the zombies?' Hsing asked, incredulously.

Doctor Kryptlocke looked awkward. 'I'm not working for the zombies!' she snapped.

'Then who are you working for?' asked Cyn.


Mayor Electric leaned back in his high-backed chair, looking dispassionately at the afro-sporting prodigy before him.

'Yo,' said Jesnails. She wore an identical white suit with high collar to her last, and adjusted her aviator sunglasses, standing with one hand on her hip. 'I's comes all holy and shiznit. I hear yo' after some big ol' exorcismolizzle on y'all creepy undead.'

'Indeed, dude,' said the Mayor, drumming his fingers together. 'I trust you have a plan in mind, dude?'

'Purgizzle theirs unfunky souls with the purizzle melodizzle of the disco!' she announced, striking a demonstrative pose.

'Awesome, dude,' said the Mayor. 'Be seeing you.'

Jesnails nodded, turned, and skated out of the office on her platform boots.

Mayor Electric smiled with satisfaction. She was flawlessly incompetent.

amelia: yo
i am a yoyo.

Chris: yes

[quote:834bca0309] 'Purgizzle theirs unfunky souls with the purizzle melodizzle of the disco! ' she announced, striking a demonstrative pose.[/quote:834bca0309]

I like that quote. I don't even know why. (If it would make more sense standing all on its own, I'd ask for signature allowance.)

"Hoher Sinn liegt oft im kindischen Spiel." (Friedrich Schiller)

There really is nothing better for clearing your unsightly undead problem than an attack of the melodizzlisticist discofunk known to man, animal, mineral or jive talkin' deity. SASS 'EM, JESNAILS!

And then get Mayor Electric and wipe that smile off his face.

This continues to be rad to the maximum.

That would also be... CONDENSATION.

'That bitch!' spat Hsing, writhing on the floor in fury. 'I knew he was a complete and utter idiot, but zombies? Oh, just wait 'til I get my hands around his slimy mayoral neck!'

'Did I touch a nerve?' queried Doctor Kryptlocke.

'As if working for him is any better than working for the zombies themselves!' Hsing said, deploringly.

'You work for him,' Doctor Kryptlocke pointed out.

'Incorrect!' exclaimed Hsing. 'Worked. Past tense! I did not know how deep his worthlessness went!'

'Oh,alright!' said Doctor Kryptlocke, cutting the Ambassador's rant short like an irritable guillotine. 'You and my conscience win!' She sighed deeply. 'Hell, I don't even know how I managed to convince myself any of this was right in the first place. Maybe I didn't.'

Hsing and Cyn stared at her as she came over to them and untied the cord around their wrists and ankles, slightly stunned by their sudden change in circumstance, although Hsing suspected that there had never really been a change in heart.

'You know the way out,' said the Doctor. 'Now go quick, before I start mourning over the luxuries I'll no longer be able to afford.' Then, in a half-whisper, she said, 'I'll miss you, triple chocolate and cream pie.'

Cyn rubbed his wrists, and then placed his hands on one of the metal rungs. Then he turned. 'You know,' he said, 'we could probably use your help.'

'Gah! Fine! Fine. If you insist!' She pushed Cyn out of the way and made her way purposefully up the ladder. 'Fighting the zombies it is!'

'And kicking serious mayoral arse!' declared Hsing, following right behind.

Cyn blinked, shook his head, and followed after them.


'The zombies were tougher than I thought they'd be,' admitted the Plaid One, as the three of them made their way back to her flat. 'Having a proper plan might have helped.'

'We thought it'd just come to us while we were there,' said Rinsamien. 'Everything happened so fast.'

'Can't be many pirates left now,' said Kennilesque.

'I think even if we can fight off the zombies without the aid of huge, unexpected explosions, there's still going to be more of them. There were way more at the pirate's party than the Arts Institution was reported to have, and it's highly likely that there are going to be even more out there. Maybe they're attacking in waves that will get increasingly bigger, so they gradually weaken the city and then take it over completely.'

'That doesn't seem right, though,' said Kennilesque. 'Zombies don't think stuff through like that, do they? They just attack and eat people.'

'There's some greater mind behind them all, that's obvious,' said Plaid. 'Co-ordinating and directing them. And the chances are, unless we find out where it is they're all coming from, and then deal with their leader or whatever, they're just going to keep on coming.'


'So what do we do now?' asked Hsing, as the three of them headed back to the city.

'We can't let Mayor Electric know that we know until we're sure he can't act against us. He has to still believe that we're being held by Doctor Kryptlocke,' said Cyn. 'First things first, I'm going to recall the rest of my team. They've been out scouting, trying to follow the zombietrail from our records, but they haven't contacted me, so I doubt they've found anything yet. Beyond the city, they could be hiding anywhere.'

Hsing and Doctor Kryptlocke watched as he unhooked a walkie-talkie from his belt. 'This is Team Leader Cynical Youth. Pick up. Over.'

After a few seconds, a reply came: 'Hey, sir. Over.'

'I'm ordering an immediate team recall. I need you here now. Over,' said Cyn.

'Okay, sir. Oh, and sir? Did you hear about the latest attack? Over.'

'At the docks? Over.'

'Yeah. Over.'

'What happened? Over.'

'We sent DG to check it out. He says about a hundred zombies attacked a pirate ship and blew it up. The attacks are getting worse, sir. Over.'

'Any idea why they chose to attack there?' asked Cyn. 'Over.'

'It was another party, sir. Over.'

Cyn looked up at Hsing. 'Okay. Anyway, like I said, immediate recall. Over and out.' He sighed and faced the two women. 'Another party,' he repeated.

There was a moment of long, thoughtful quietness while the three of them considered their awkward situation.

'Well, the solution's simple,' said Hsing suddenly, and the other two looked at her. 'We throw out own party,' she continued, 'and we draw them out. We give the guests a quick and easy exit for when they arrive, and then we take them on. But we're going to need huge amounts of fire power.'

'I've got some,' said Cyn, 'but probably not enough.'

'Don't worry,' said Doctor Kryptlocke. 'I can get you plenty. Then what?'

'Then we destroy them,' replied the Ambassador. 'Or at least, most of them. They're persistent little bastards, I know that much, but hopefully, if we show them that we're perfectly capable of dealing with them, we can leave a few to scamper back to their hiding place, and, assuming they all come from the same hiding place, we finish them off. Strike them at the source and end the problem. Then we deal with our friend the Mayor.'

'There could be many times the number of zombies we've already seen wherever we end up following them to. We're really going to need a lot of firepower, just in case.'

'I told you, just leave that to me,' said the Doctor. 'Trust me.'

'We're going to have to try and keep hidden while we're following them, in case they try to take us the wrong way,' said Hsing. 'But honestly, I don't think they're that intelligent. All we need to do now,' she announced, 'is organise the party.'

'And how are we going to do that on such short notice?' asked Cyn. 'It's got to be done properly, or they'll sense something's wrong.'

'Oh, it's definitely going to be a proper party,' the Ambassador reassured him. 'We're going to enjoy it, too. I'm going to get in touch with an old friend of mine, a very, er...experienced partygoer. And we're going to make it a night to remember.'

amelia: yo
i am a yoyo.

Chris: yes

A figure in a familiar bulging, red satin dress of ridiculous hugeness appeared against the sun rise, the dress billowing out enormously and acting very much like a parachute, meaning that the actual parachute attached to his back was more there for support. He hummed a happy tune as he gently descended, taking a beer bottle from a special belt around his waste, removing the cap with his teeth and spitting it out. He touched down on the roof of a terrace house, his momentum carrying him further, and he maintained forward propulsion, taking a swig from his bottle as he went, before leaving the roof and floating down to earth.

He made his way down the street, bottle in hand, parachute dragging across the ground behind him. A ten-minute journey took him to his prearranged destination: a dilapidated, unused structure, formerly a small warehouse. He thumped the large sheet of plywood that had been propped up in the way of the entrance, and after an eye appeared at a hole and inspected him, the sheet of plywood was pulled to one side.

'He's here,' a woman with dark, curly hair and a pink cardigan called to the others.

Ambassador Hsing appeared. 'Nester!' she cried, giving him a warm hug. 'You made it!'

'Indeed I did,' said Nester, smiling stupidly and lifting the beer bottle to his mouth mid-embrace. 'What can I do for you?'


The Plaid One was slouched on her sofa, brooding about the stubborn problem of vicious undead. She hated feeling so helpless in the face of their threat. She let herself slide off the sofa and onto the floor, where she glared at the ceiling, trying to intimidate it into offering some solutions.

'Plaid!' came Kennilesque's voice, as he and Rinsamien burst through the door with the urgency of small children wanting to show a grown-up something amazing they'd found. 'Plaid! Look at this!'

The Plaid One craned her neck to look. 'What?' She sat up as several layers of skirt came bustling her way, and Kennilesque thrust a piece of paper out in front of her. It was a flyer. She took it and scanned it with keen, laser-like efficiency.

'You have got to be joking,' she said.


Plaid hurried up the stone steps, her plaid cape flowing out behind her, and hammered on the huge, oak doors. 'Open up!' she demanded.

A man in black combat trousers and shirt pulled it open a crack. 'Yes?' he said.

Seeing the walkie-talkie attached to his belt, Plaid assumed he was some kind of janitor. 'I understand there's going to be a party here tonight,' she said.

'Yes,' replied the man. 'Seventy quid for entry.'

'Okay, first off, that is the biggest rip-offever,' said the Plaid One. 'And second, what the heck do you think you're doing having a party tonight?! Don't you know there are zombies? I mean, are you asking for trouble?!'

'Yes,' said the man.

'This is way too serious for sarcasm, you know, so don't even try it!'

'I'm not being sarcastic.'

'Cyn?' came a voice from inside the building. 'Who is that?'

Plaid pushed open the door, forcing Cyn to step back. 'I am the Plaid One,' she informed them, entering. 'I am trying to protect this city! At least, when I'm not unconscious.'

'Hi there, Plaid,' said Ambassador Hsing, walking up to her and shaking her hand. 'We've met before, at another party, haven't we? That was a few years ago, though. How are you? I heard you were in some kind of accident!'

'Er...yeah,' said Plaid. 'I've needed a little time to recover, but I'm almost there. I came back to the city as soon as I heard about the attack on the Arts Institution.'

Hsing shivered. 'It was pretty horrific,' she said.

'You were there?' asked Plaid.

'Yes.'

Plaid looked puzzled. 'Then surely you're aware of the danger? I apologise for my abrupt entrance, Ambassador, but any kind of party on this scale is going to attract unwanted attention!'

Hsing smiled. 'We know,' she said. 'That's why we're doing it.'

'We're going to take them on,' said Cyn, walking past with something that looked very much like a rocket launcher.

'But,' said Plaid, 'what about the safety of the guests?'

'That's why the cost for entry is so high,' explained Hsing. 'So in the end, less people turn up. That, and damage costs,' she added. 'The guests that do turn up will be escorted safely from the building, but we need to make it as convincing as possible, so we need some guests at least.'

'But what if there are more zombies out there after you've killed all the ones that turn up?'

'Don't worry, we have a plan. We're going to kill them off at the source. Find their hidey-hole, and then deal with Mayor Electric. He's behind it all, by the way, so we can't let him find out what we're up to.'

'What?'

Hsing took Plaid away to explain the finer details of everything to her, and Rinsamien and Kennilesque were left standing there, looking around, and feeling like they should be doing something.

The huge building they were in was Piggly Hall, a popular location for many flamboyant occasions. They were stood in the vast ballroom, which had a marble floor with an intricate design centred around the Piggly family crest, although the family hadn't owned it for centuries. The ballroom was lined with several large, oak doors, some of which led to an upper level where small balconies jutted out from the sides, presumably for viewing the dancers below.

'Hey there!' said Nester, appearing from nowhere.

Rinsamien gasped. 'Nester! What are you doing here?'

'Oh, just organising the best party ever,' he said, grinning. 'Food, drink and loud music. The magic formula.' He sidled up to them and whispered, 'Would you like to see the cake?'

They stared at him with wide eyes, and nodded emphatically.

'Then follow me.'


Cyn, still carrying things around, kept getting distracted by what was going on around him. He stopped to watch the kitchen staff set up the buffet, and then chided himself for not focusing. It was getting increasingly difficult to keep his mind on the threat at hand.

amelia: yo
i am a yoyo.

Chris: yes

[quote:bb964282e7]'We're going to take them on,' said Cyn, walking past with something that looked very much like a rocket launcher.
[/quote:bb964282e7]

Woohoo!! *Punches air*

'I've never been to a ridiculously expensive party before!' Doctor Kranti said brightly.

'Indeed!' said another doctor. 'So nice of you to agree to pay for all of this, Garner!'

'I didn't agree to anything, I was tortured,' mumbled Garner, and Grace elbowed him sharply in the ribs.

The group gravitated immediately towards the buffet table.

Ambassador Hsing smoothed out her black dress and smiled as they passed. For the thirteenth time that evening, she glanced up nervously at the upper-level balconies, where the others were preparing.

On one of the balconies crouched Plaid, Cyn and Doctor Kryptlocke. Plaid was sizing up a long, shiny katana, while Cyn was inspecting a pair of uzis. Doctor Kryptlocke was fondly cradling a machine gun. Other weapons lay around them in half-unpacked crates and boxes, partly submerged under a carpet of polystyrene bits.

On another balcony diagonally opposite, three men in huge, bulging red dresses and a set of decks were vying for room. Nester's violent head-bobbing as he wiggled and scratched away at a classical record only made things worse.

Hsing absentmindedly stuffed her face full of party-sized sausage rolls. Someone tapped her on the shoulder, and she span on her heel and smiled, her mouth still bulging.

Plaid raised an eyebrow at her, and she dropped the smile. 'Doctor Kryptlocke says you should come and pick a weapon before they get here.'

'Oh. Okay then.' She followed the Plaid One to one of the oak doors marked 'No Entry' and made her way up to the balcony.

'Pick a weapon, any weapon,' said Doctor Kryptlocke. As Hsing rummaged, the Doctor peered down at the people below. 'There's a good number of guests down there,' she said. She gazed thoughtfully at them. 'And probably not long before all the food is gone.' She stood up and stepped over the boxes to the door. 'I'll go and tell the ladies around the decks to come up here,' she said, 'subtly detouring on my way to gather a considerable supply of buffet offerings.'

Hsing blew bits of polystyrene off a long, rectangular crate, removed the lid, dug through more polystyrene bits and pulled out a strange, cylindrical object with a skeletal frame of criss-crossing metal ribs. It contained a tangle of wires inside and ended in a snout of three protruding barrels. Attached to the frame were two handles beneath it and some rather odd-looking additions on either side.

'What's this?' she asked.

Cyn shrugged. 'Go and ask Doctor Kryptlocke. Wait, wait, wait! Don't take that thing with you! It'll scare the guests. At the moment they think we're just technicians.'

The Ambassador carefully rested the unusual weapon in its box, and then went down to the lower level. A moment later, Kennilesque and Rinsamien appeared, and wasted no time before squabbling over the rocket launcher.

Back at the buffet table, Doctor Kryptlocke was pondering over which savoury delight to try next.

Doctor Kranti joined her, seeking trifle. 'Good party, eh?'

Doctor Kryptlocke broke from her pondering and turned to look at her. 'Er. Yes,' she said.

'Omelia Kranti,' said Doctor Kranti, offering a hand. 'And you are?'

Doctor Kryptlocke shook it. 'Avgi Kryptlocke,' she replied.

Doctor Kranti's smile faltered, and she froze. 'Really?' she said, trying her best to sound nonchalant. Her eye was twitching.

Doctor Kryptlocke withdrew her hand and moved away.

'Doctor Kryptlocke!' called Hsing, running over and whispering a question into her ear.

Above, Nester continued his partying rage, emptying the entire contents of several bottles of beer all over the balcony in psychotic celebration.

Plaid was looking out across the city for any sign of zombies. The city seemed quite quiet beyond the party. Just the approaching wave of a few hundred strange figures lurching silently down the street...

'Woah,' said Plaid, and went to get the others.

'Apparently,' Hsing was saying to Cyn, 'this is the classic 409244 model Mega Frazzler.' She lifted it up and pointed it experimentally at the ballroom down below. 'It releases unmeasured but by all means high voltage beams of electricity and can do various marvellous things to the insides of both electronics and living organisms. To its left side is fixed a small rear-view mirror, and to its right, a cup holder. Nothing quite like it has ever been built.'

The door burst open. 'Zombies!' warned Plaid. 'Coming in fast!'

'Ooh shit,' said Ambassador Hsing. She stood up and made her way to the edge of the balcony. 'Ladies and gentlemen!' she called.

Nobody heard. The music was too loud.

Cyn loaded his uzis and emptied two full clips into the speakers. They fell to the floor with a crash, and the party guests jumped back in alarm. Nester snapped back to his senses and cut the music.

'Ladies and gentlemen,' repeated Hsing, 'zombies are rapidly approaching the building! Please use the fire exits behind the buffet immediately!'

There were screams of panic, and most of the guests rushed in a well-dressed wave to escape, knocking over the buffet table and carrying the kitchen staff with them.

'Hm,' said Doctor Kranti, throwing her bowl of trifle to one side.

'We need to spread out,' said Cyn. 'I'll take the balcony opposite. Plaid, take these two and go up to that one,' he said, pushing Rinsamien and Kennilesque towards the door and pointing to the balcony adjacent. 'Ambassador, you stay here. Doctor Kryptlocke? With Nester already. Good.

'Right, everybody take what weapons you need and lock the doors behind you! They'll be here any second!'

amelia: yo
i am a yoyo.

Chris: yes

And then they arrived, crashing through the huge oak doors with ease and pouring into the ballroom.

'Doctor Kranti!' yelled Grace. 'Come on! Quickly!'

Rinsamien shoved a rocket into the launcher resting upon Kennilesque's shoulder.

Doctor Kranti turned. 'I might be able to trick them into participating in a tightly choreographed dance routine!' she yelled back, running at the zombies and throwing herself into a violent boogie. The zombies were momentarily stunned by this onslaught, but quickly recovered and lurched after her, groaning their dissent.

'Nope, didn't work!' she said, running away with a shriek. Grace grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the exit.

Rinsamien whacked Kennilesque over the head, and Kennilesque fired the rocket. At almost the same moment, Plaid leapt up onto the edge of the balcony and jumped, the katana glittering in her hands. Doctor Kranti slammed the door shut behind her just as the rocket hit her pursuers, decimating them. The first wave down, the Plaid One had sliced the heads off three of the next lot before she had even touched the ground. She then proceeded to slash and stab at any zombie that dared to approach. She managed to skewer two at the same time, straight through their stomachs like a zombie kebab, and kicked at their heads while they tried to pull themselves free.

The others were busy firing from their safe platforms, but it soon became apparent that they needed to fight at close range. The Mega Frazzler heated up with an increasingly high-pitched whine before it discharged and three intertwining snakes of blue light leapt down and scorched some zombie heads, setting their lank hair on fire. It took a while for them to notice.

Rinsamien whacked Kennilesque over the head again, and another rocket was fired, obliterating a cluster of zombies well clear of Plaid as they tried to break through the doors leading up to Doctor Kryptlocke and Nester's balcony. They removed the zombies, but completely destroyed the door, and other zombies poured through.

As they hammered on the door to the balcony itself, a disorientated Nester fell off and had to drunkenly fight them off down below. Doctor Kryptlocke fired a grappling hook at the chandelier, emptied her machine gun into the zombies as they broke through the door, discarded it, turned and jumped from the balcony. Holding onto the black rope, she swept the floor, grabbing hold of Nester by the scruff of his dress. Fortunately, they swung high enough to land on top of Hsing when Nester's weight forced the Doctor to let go.

Kennilesque fired another rocket at the balcony directly across as the zombies stumbled over Nester's decks. The balcony collapsed, and stone and zombie rained down on the marble floor below. Rinsamien scowled and whacked Kennilesque over the head for not waiting until he'd whacked him over the head in the first place, and Kennilesque fought back.

Pushing Nester off her, Ambassador Hsing got up, straightened her dress and grabbed the Mega Frazzler. Then she climbed over the edge of the balcony, lowered herself down, dangled for a moment and then dropped to the ground, the attention of the zombies already on her. Cyn slowed down their approach as they stumbled under his continuous spray of bullets while the Frazzler charged up, and then the force of the electric beams was so great that it hurled a couple of zombies backwards into the air. It was much more effective at close range.

Cyn climbed down to join her, and they fought back-to-back, spinning around slowly.

Doctor Kryptlocke found herself a shotgun, and, joining the others on the ballroom floor, shrieked with glee as she fought off the zombies in explosions of zombie gore.

Plaid, once again light-footedly defying the laws of gravity, ran up and along a wall, throwing herself into a sideways flip, decapitating another zombie on landing and thrusting the katana's long blade up through the throat of another.

Cyn reloaded with the spare clips on his belt in a moment of respite, and glanced up at Kennilesque and Rinsamien, gaping in disbelief as he watched them launch themselves at the zombies who had broken through the door, sink their teeth into their rotting green flesh and rip them apart. He was about to fire at a group of zombies in front of him when he realised that they were stumbling backwards to try and get away.

He hurried over to Hsing, who rammed the Frazzler backwards into a zombie's chest as she saw it approach in the weapon's rear-view mirror. 'I think they're starting to retreat!' he said to her.

Even as they began to lurch towards the exit, Plaid ran after them, slicing them up and inflicting her many martial skills upon them, clearly enjoying it too much to finish just yet.

Doctor Kryptlocke wiped the gore from her shotgun. 'Looks like your plan is working, Ambassador,' she said.

Rinsamien and Kennilesque jumped from their balcony and floated down to the ground. Kennilesque still had zombie around his mouth. Nester followed after throwing down the crates so they could all refresh their supplies.

'Can we follow them now? Can we?' said Plaid, jumping up and down and swiping at the air.

'Yes, quickly!' said Hsing. 'We can't let them out of our sight!'

And so they pursued roughly two dozen zombies through the darkened, eerily abandoned streets, cautiously following them around every corner and through tight alleyways, trying to stay as quiet as possible. Those with heavy skirts had them lifted up off the ground.

'My feet hurt!' hissed Rinsamien.

'Shut up!' said Plaid.

The group were creeping down a main street when something both terrible and amazing happened. A deep rumbling rolled throughout the city, causing the very ground beneath their feet to shake. They struggled to keep their balance, and the zombies, suffering from the same problem, began to turn around to see what was causing it. The group only just managed to pull themselves into the shadows out of sight, and from there they watched unbelievable new events unfold.

The earthquake grew more intense; car alarms went off, and things started to move around and break. Then, the group of vigilantes watching in horror, the buildings some distance away started to crumble like they were being upheaved by something and pushed outwards.

Two huge shafts of light suddenly exploded from the epicentre of the chaos, moving around and sweeping the sky like searchlights. Following them, a huge, circular metal frame erupted from the earth, a giant, sparkling white ball suspended in the middle of it, glittering in the light. Hsing realised most of the quake was being caused by the unbelievable amounts of bass being blown out by speakers attached to the frame.

The metal ring was attached by further framework to a shining, circular platform of equal width, supported below by scaffolding. Once this had achieved an appropriately impressive height, the rumbling bass gave way to the incredibly amplified sound of feedback, which caused everyone to cry out and cover their ears.

Then it subsided, and what came through the speakers then could only be described as...

'Disco?!' said Cyn, incredulous.

Then floodlights flickered on, casting their harsh glare across the city and illuminating the stage.

And there, on the stage, stood the afro-sporting messiah that was Jesnails.

One hand was resting upon an out-jutting hip and the other pointing unabashedly to the sky like a Saturday Night Teapot. Her bright white suit and high collar sparkled with a new addition of silver sequins, and her platform boots elevated her higher than ever before.

Then she spoke into the microphone.

'YO, MA PEOPIZZLES!' she announced. 'WE GONNA RIZZLE THIS CITIZZLE TONIGHT, Y'ALL! THIS IS HOW THE DEE-VINE LIKE TO DANCE, BRUTHAS! WITNESS THE HOLY FUNK!'

And the entire city did, both shocked and awed at the super-slick dancefloor groove displayed before them.

The zombies started to lurch towards her, fascinated.

'Oh no you don't!' said Hsing, stepping out in front of them with the Mega Frazzler aimed at their heads. They dared to take a step further, and there was a shrill whine before three beams of electricity hit one in the chest and sent it flying backwards. Cyn and the others formed an armed barricade with Hsing across the street, all of their weapons aimed and ready to fire.

The zombies groaned in dismay, turned and fled. Hsing and her companions ran after them.

'I SEE YO', ZOMBIZZLES!' boomed a voice. The previously unseen jetpack attached to Jesnails' back flared to life against her incredibly thermal-resistant suit, and she dived off the stage in a running jump, rocketing after them. 'AND I'M COMIN' TO GET Y'ALL!'

amelia: yo
i am a yoyo.

Chris: yes

Oh my god!

Tres impressive fight scenes! Where's Mayor Electric in all this? Is Jesnails MARTYRING herself!? Is Plaid going to go into therapy for her wanton bloodlust? Wow wow wow. Give us more.

That would also be... CONDENSATION.