So, we got chinese take-aways tonight. They gave us fortune cookies, which they normally don't at this place. I finished off my chow mein and was cracking open my fortune cookie, thinking "ah, but remember, it's now the hip thing to append '-except in bed' rather than '-in bed'."

So, I popped half the cookie into my mouth, and picked up the little strip of paper. I swear to you, this is what I read:

"We're sorry: we had a message that would have changed your life forever, but the fat guy at table six got there first."

I nearly threw up my chow mein from laughing so hard.

"If I wanted to read Wuthering Heights, I'd shoot my self."

That is so great! It has been a long time since I had a fortune coookie, I've been making do with the little sayings inside the Dove Promises(tm), I especially like the advice- "Smile, people will wonder what you've been up to."

() ()
( ' ,') "don't eat green potatoes"
(> >) Last words of Mrs. Bertha Sperling
@( )_ )_

You now need to go find the fat guy sitting at table six and beat him up until he gives you the really good fortune.

PhD Student: Research information sheet

There once was a man named Bruce
Who liked to sit on a spruce
He ate lots of chowder
And yelled at me louder:
"I'm talking to YOU, Mrs. Hughes!"
--> The Literary Genius: Mowgli

That is just great, it's nice when the people making cheesy stuff, whatever it may be, realise it's cheesy and take it with a sense of humour...

Damn Spider pig

Years ago on a plane I watched a movie called Mickey Blue Eyes, which I thought was a pile of dog poo but there was one scene in where a marriage proposal had been put in the fotune cookie that had me laughing out loud on the plane.
The cookie wasn't been touched to the Chinese lady who owned the restaurant, knowing what's inside, came over and said "don't you want that?" to which they replied "no, you can take it away"... so she goes "go on, eat the cookie" then they reply "no thanks, I'm not hungry" and it goes back and forth like this for a while until they're shouting and the Chinese woman says "EEAT THE FUCKIN' COOKIIIE!"

So they go "all righ all right" and open it and it says 'Good fenses make good neighbors'... the stupid people in the kitchens had sent out the wrong cookie.

Oh, I might have known. Spent all that time trying to remember it right and it's on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxJBZYss-Lk

Dragon's Kingdom - Stop typing "alot" when you mean "a lot"! - Disappointed