I posted this because not only am I running short of polite rebuffs, but also space to hide the bodies of those ignorant salespeople who appear at my door at least once a day and do not take a gentle hint to go away.

For example. We have just replaced all of our windows. So why do we still get double glazing salesmen disturbing us and asking us if we want to buy more?

We are happy with our energy supplier, so why do we have at least three or four rival firms trying to convince us to change to their companies twice a week?

I do not take kindly to some pimply seventeen year old greeting me with "Hello Mate, have you heard about this fantastic deal?" Who are they, I don't even know them. They're not my friends.

Any suggestions before I invent and commit the crime of Rep-ocide?

Personally, I can go one of several ways (below). Unfortunately, you are never going to stop them, short of building a moat and filling it with sharks complete with lazers mounted on top of their heads and also disconnecting your phone. So I do whatever comes into my head at the time.

Door to door callers.

'I'm Renting' shut door in face

'Huh? No.' shut door in face

"My mommy doesn't let me talk to strangers" shut door in face I'm 27

"Do I look like someone who wants x" shut door in face

"I'm actually pretty happy with my god, thank you very much. Satan has done so much for me over the years." Happy smile, shut door in face.

"Did I knock on your door last week and ask you if you wanted to convert to my religion? No? Well why the hell are you asking me to convert to yours?" Shut door in face.

"My husband won't let me." Shut door in face.

...and the tried and tested - spotted them going door to door about twenty minutes before hand - don't answer door.

My answer is get a peephole in the door. If they look smarmy and are holding a clip board, don't answer the door. It works for the guys going around trying to get you to vote for them too!

phone salesmen/women:

Listen patiently to them talk and politely say no (becoming much, much, much less frequent these days)

Cut them off before they can even finish the first sentence.

Leave the phone on (or off the hook) and make a cup of tea - come back in a few minutes to see if they've hung up yet

Start speaking in gobbledygook, making it sound like you are asking questions.

Rant at them for wasting my time (I don't do it often because everyone has to do some kind of a job, and it's not really their fault they've sold their souls to Satan, no matter how temporarily

This sounds a bit paradox at first, but if they're calling you, they have your adress anyway:

Robinson list - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

It helped us quite a bit.
Also, we're not in the public phone books anymore.

You could try this: Emailed Jokes*-*Angry Telesales Phone Call

A bit extreme though.

Or you could play the clueless customer like I do, on the phone, by letting them talk for a while then saying you missed it because you're boiling an egg and can they start again... then start talking to someone else in the room like you forgot they're on the phone.

Or just tell them to hold a minute then leave the phone for ages.

Or invite them in to explain the double glazing to you, letting them do the full routine, before you remember that you just bought yours two weeks ago... or it's not your house but you'll be sure to pass it when the owner gets back from oversees.

I'm sure they have me marked down as 'idiot' or 'not worth the bother'.

Nuisance phone calls are almost non-existant as I can block 'number witheld' callers and 'International' calls. Its particularly the time wasters who knock on your door and don't understand a simple 'No thank you'.

Mazekin :Thanks for the Satan idea. I've never thought of that one.

They knock on your doors...?
Over here, only the witnesses of Jehova do that. And as they are mostly polite and easy to send on their way, I am polite to them, too.
We had the phone calls coming in hourly after our daughter was born. All those kind people who only wanted our best, (and) our money...

When it comes to the door knockers answering the door with a shotgun proved effective on one occasion...

For telephone marketing researchers tell them that you work in marketing research and that they can't survey you...

For telephone sales people tell them that you don't own a credit card and that you live in a commune where you worship the star astoria and dance with sheep...

Should be pretty quick to get rid of anyone.

[quote=spiky;47905]When it comes to the door knockers answering the door with a shotgun proved effective on one occasion.../quote]
Damn. You Aussies have all the fun

That has to be my favourite so far.

I'm usually quite nice to the door knockers, we usually get jehovah's witnesses...but i tell them i'm happy with my religion, or that i'm a Darwinist, or i spot them coming and pretend i'm not at home (even though there may be three cars in the driveway). I'm not one for conversion, but i'm also passive agressive...

Other than that it's the small children selling chocolate to fundraise for their school fete/camping trip/raising bail and who says no to chocolate?

For the telemarketers....I used to be nice, because I briefly (did you hear me...briefly!) worked as one for my mum, asking people if they'd like a free market appraisal for their home, but if they said no then i hung up. I got heavily abused by a few people ranting at me about how rude it was, but in the end it was a job and I had to do it. I understood how it felt to be abused on the phone so I tended not to do that.

I just hate it when they're so damn persistent when they call you. We got about 1 or 2 a day back home, and they were always from India. I tried to say no, at the srart and one lady was really desperate to finish her pitch so i gave in, heard her bit and then said no after that. I hate the ones that call you going "Would you like a free mobile phone?" I mean, sure I would but i know there are strings attached.

I always tell them I just got one, so they ask me about the rest of the family and I tell them we all just replaced our phones, you know - the house was broken into and they got stolen, we fell out of a boat and all had them in our pockets, the microwave exploded and the magnetic charge made them break...

If they call for my parents I pretend i'm about 10 and no, my mum isn't home, or I say, hangon, i'll just see if they're in, make a cuppa tea and then come back and say no - with mum watching me do it.

I know of another list in Australia, but supposedly it takes ages to get your number on it.

Here I just get the NHK (TV channel) guys come and ask me for money, but as I don't have a TV, and therefore cannot watch the channel, that solves my problem. Plus they usually dont speak much more english than "I am from NHK. Do you speak Japanese?"

Oops - essay finished.

It can backfire with the religious nuts. They tend to get even more zealous...until you shut the door in their face.*

*I am normally a nice person. I wouldn't shut the door in any of your faces - unless I thought you were a door to door salesman.

A firm 'not interested' or 'haven't any money', goodbye and shut the door. Don't give them a chance to get started, and keep your words to a mininum so they don't get any openings.

My Dad once bought a small sign that he put up next to the door above the bell. It said "no more salesmen, PLEASE". If one did ring despite the sign he would open the door, then silently step out, look at the sign, peer closely at it, tap it, mutter "nope, it's still there", and then come back inside closing the door behind him.

Edit: Also, a colleague of my father's, a large portly gentleman with a long white beard and matching hair, used to greet Jehova's witnesses by opening the door, looking very cheery and saying "Fantastic! I'm Jehova, guys, how's business?"

One of the things that I learned is to never say the word "Yes" to a telemarketer. Not to any of their questions. Especially if it is about long distance. My long distance got changed twice and then added back on because I said the word yes and they have a recording of it. A little editing later and they have you agreeing to purchase said long distance.

It often becomes a game to me to try and use different affirmative words to their questions without ever saying yes. Now that I don't have a telephone at home, the calls are much less bothersome.

When I would tell the satellite and television people that I didn't have a TV I always had a delightful pause. "You don't have a television?" was always the next question. One young lady even asked what I did since I didn't have video entertainment streaming into my house at all times. I told her I liked to read. She just said, "Oh". That was the end of that conversation.

I don't ever get walk-ups. Either that or I don't know about them because I'm never home.

My best one was a company offering me a free roof inspection... I said I didn't have a roof. After a pause they tried to put in that it was free and had no obligations... I said a again that I have no roof but thanks anyway and hung up.

Its always nice to throw them off their script with something there is no contingency for. Its kind of like the verbal equivalent of the stunned mullet.

Did you really do that?

I tend to stick to a polite refusal, right at the start. If they continue speaking, I hang up. I don't get sales people at my door though, living in an apartment complex with security at the gate has that advantage.