The Book of Going First

In the beginning there was the fire.
2It was with the Ba, and it was the Ba.
3He was in the beginning the Great God; all things pastry were made through him, and without him was not anything that was made of flaky crust and filling.
4Ba looked out, and he was displeased, for there was nothing, which was boring.
5He created then the heavens and the earth.
6Then he realized the earth was full of idiots, and took a mulligan.
7For his second try at creation, Ba took seven days.
8On the first day, he created the Kitchens and the Board.
9The Board was without form and code, and nonsense was upon the face of the internet.
10Ba said "Let there be Mal"; and there was Mal.
11And Ba saw that Mal was good.
12Ba called Mal a slacker, told him to get to work.
13And thus was the chaos seperated from the code.
14And Ba called it a day.
15And Ba said "Let there be light," for the kitchens were quite dark, and pastry needs light to be seen.
16And there was light.
17And Ba saw that it was fluorescent.
18He created also darkness, for some culinary acts are unspeakable, and should not see the light of day.
19And Ba called it a second day.
20And Ba said "Let the stars light up the sky, that mortals might realize how small and insignificant they are in the grand scheme of things.
21Also, that they might invent astronomy, and other sciences, and discover newer and better ways of smashing things."
22And Ba saw that it was quite a bit later than he'd thought, so he called it a third day.
23And Ba said, "Let the earth push forth plants, that they might be used as ingredients in pie."
24And apples, cherries, rhubarb and many other plants grew forth, as well as some like hemlock, jimson weed and deadly nightshade, for Ba dearly loves a joke.
25And Ba called it a fourth day.
26And Ba said, "Let the animals of the Earth come to being, and let them be made of meat, likewise for use in pie."
27And cows, pigs, sheep, dogs, and myriad other animals came into being.
28The most majestic, however, was the noble weasle, which was much beloved of Ba.
29And Ba called it a fifth day.
30And Ba said, "Let there be posters, made in the image of Ba, but inferior, of course, because making them superior to Ba would be ridiculous.
31And let them have the ability to create messages that are amusing in the mind of Ba."
32And posters arrived at the board, and thus was creation complete.
33And Ba called it a sixth day.
34On the seventh day, Ba rented a movie.

What movie did Ba rent?*




*A minor but important point that will undoubtedly cause the first great schism in the church of Ba

A "Pie-rate" movie perhaps?

::smacks sleepy sarge with a large trout::

::presents Ba with an authentic Tastykake lemon pie in exchange for explaining what a mulligan is::

A mulligan means being allowed to play again after a rubbish start without counting the rubbish start. Often used in card games when a useless and ultimately unfun hand is drawn by one player.

Furthermore, to 'take 20' or 'take 10' in dice-based RP games means to assume that you take a longer amount of time to do something, instead of rolling a die to see if you can achieve it immediately, and therefore automatically succeed (assuming you have the ability to do so).

Thus, when Ba 'took seven days' in verse 7 (nicely placed, stenographer of Ba!), he was both making certain of his automatic success and also inserting a cunning joke that would only be noticed by those who share Ba's interests! Great is the Ba, and worthy of pies.

All Hail Ba!

That's my job!
*Grabs fish and beats Mowgli into oblivion with it*

*oggles at Mowgli and Quoth*

Seriously, I can't leave you petites madeleines alone for two minutes...

::spits out fish scales::

Grlmphm!

That will teach you to try to steal my job.

(If you want a position of you own, You can ask Ba. If you are polite enough, He may just give you a cool job. Or he might turture you to death. One or the other.)

Or you could just join the clearly superior Church of Garner.

Quoted from the Book of 101 Big Fat Lies, I believe.