The Joke Thread

[Jnine]

When's the best time to buy a canary?

When it's going cheap.........

I know its dreadful but she has a very sore throat and is feeling a bit sorry for herself so I said I would post it to cheer her up.

[TamyraMcG]

Oh Jnine , I'm afraid you're going to fit in here just fine, sorry.

[gemreplica]

My right hand took out a restraining order against me, and now I'm a regestered sex offender because of it.

[Jnine]

Why did A. Neck overtake the crowd to cross the road?

To get a head.......

Curtesy of my 10 year old who has now got her voice back and will no doubt keep me entertained over the half term holidays, could be a long week.

[Joculator]

Okay Jnine, here's one for your daughter...

What's the difference between a camera and a stocking? - one takes photos (four toes), the other takes five toes.

[Joculator]

There has been a rumour circulating around that 'H' from steps has died. I don't know how reliable the source is though.

[Jnine]

I'm wondering what it says about my character that I find your joke about H from steps amusing.........

[Katcal]

This one is lame but I like it...

- Knock knock?
- Who's there?
- Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"

[mazekin]

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.

He bursts in and shouts to his master:

"Master, Master! ..... The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

[Joculator]

I love a good rendition of Handel's 'Hallelujah Chorus'.

This one by a silent order of monks is funny...

Click Here

[Joculator]

When you haven't been able to find that certain book in W.H. Smith's have you ever wondered if you were in the...

[Maljonic]

I guess that must be a fake seeing as all the Google pictures available are identical. Still, while searching to see if it was real or not I found this:

[TamyraMcG]

Did he call for Magrat?

[mavzb]

Q) What's the difference between a duck?

A) One of its legs is twice the same!

(From, if I remember correctly, the Ha Ha Bonk Joke Book)

[Maljonic]

Originally Posted by mavzb

Q) What's the difference between a duck?

A) One of its legs is twice the same!

(From, if I remember correctly, the Ha Ha Bonk Joke Book)

I don't get it, please explain.