The Joke Thread

[mr_scrub]

Q.What do you call 582 oboes thrown in the ocean?

A. A good start


A truck driver is driving down the road when he sees a priest trying to hitch a ride. He offers the man a ride and drives along some more. Presently he sees a lawyer standing by the road that had successfully proven in court that the truck driver needed to pay a heavy fine. He decides to swerve and hit the man. He is about to hit him when he remembers who he has in the car. He turns at the last minute ands says "Phew, I missed him"

The priest says "Don't worry I got him with my door"

[TamyraMcG]

some how I wonder if I should encourage this but

[redneck]

Q: How do you get two saxophone players in tune.

A: Shoot one of them.

[KaptenKaries]

[quote:be0299f615="redneck"]Q: How do you get two saxophone players in tune.

A: Shoot one of them.[/quote:be0299f615]

Hey! That's evil. ;-)

[Mr_Teatime]

I'm sure at least one of you has heard this one but oh well...
A panda goes into a restaurant and eats...umm...food. He then takes out a shotgun and shoots a few bullets into the ceiling. The waitress asks him why he did that, and he replies "read the book." then he leaves He hands he a book on aisan wildlife. She looks up pandas. It says in the statistics "Eats, shoots and leaves."

[mr_scrub]

I have heard of the book, but not the joke.

[Nocomply]

Translated from norwegian.

A rabbit is taking a dump in the woods when suddenly a big bear emerges between the threes and walks towards him. The rabbit isnaturally frightened, but being "mid-dump" he finds it impossible to leave. Heart racing, imagening fangs ripping him open any moment he watches the bear come closer, and is only slightly relieved when he realizes that the bear is there to shit, not eat.
Nervously he watches as the bear drops huge turds, and does his best to speed up his own bowels when the bear turns towards him and ask: "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to you fur?"
Timidly, the rabbid replies: "N-n-n-no. Not really."
"That's good for you", says the bear and wipes his ass with the rabbit.

[TamyraMcG]

I heard that before in english (Or maybe it was Minnesotan?)

edited to add the Minnesotan thing

[KaptenKaries]

Originally Posted by KaptenKaries

An old one, as far as I know originally told by Eddie Murphy.

A bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods.

The bear asks the rabbit
"Excuse me, do you have problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit looks at the bear and says
"What? No, I don't have problem with shit sticking to my fur."

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

Originally Posted by Nocomply

Translated from norwegian.

A rabbit is taking a dump in the woods when suddenly a big bear emerges between the threes and walks towards him. The rabbit isnaturally frightened, but being "mid-dump" he finds it impossible to leave. Heart racing, imagening fangs ripping him open any moment he watches the bear come closer, and is only slightly relieved when he realizes that the bear is there to shit, not eat.
Nervously he watches as the bear drops huge turds, and does his best to speed up his own bowels when the bear turns towards him and ask: "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to you fur?"
Timidly, the rabbid replies: "N-n-n-no. Not really."
"That's good for you", says the bear and wipes his ass with the rabbit.

You were five pages late, Nocomply. ;-) First time I heard it was when Eddie Murphy told the joke in his stand up film Delirious.

[Katcal]

[quote:735afb286a="mr_scrub"] I have heard of the book, but not the joke.[/quote:735afb286a]
The joke originated the book, it's written on the back cover

[Nocomply]

[quote:6e3a70e34d="KaptenKaries"]You were five pages late, Nocomply. ;-) First time I heard it was when Eddie Murphy told the joke in his stand up film Delirious.[/quote:6e3a70e34d]
Oops...consider me embarrassed. I knew I'd just heard that joke somewhere. It was probably while lurking the boards. So much for translating it

[KaptenKaries]

Originally Posted by Nocomply

Oops...consider me embarrassed. I knew I'd just heard that joke somewhere. It was probably while lurking the boards. So much for translating it

But I liked how you fleshed the story out. :-D

[TheJackal]

[quote:62f7b9b859="Katcal"][quote:62f7b9b859="mr_scrub"] I have heard of the book, but not the joke.[/quote:62f7b9b859]
The joke originated the book, it's written on the back cover [/quote:62f7b9b859]

Yep, read that joke on the back cover as well.

[Ozzer]

Since we're on the subject of feces...

Did you here about that movie "Constipation"? It never came out.


And...

Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans.

[Buzzfloyd]

Ozzer, go and stand in the naughty corner! Those were most amusing but BAD!