*Feeds Om to Fluffy*

Obviously I have no reponse to this. I've been trying to come up with a decent and witty retort for a few days now, with absolutely no luck.

So I'll just say: You fight like a cow. Nya!

Fuck Shoes.

Witty enough. ALthough it does raise the question of how cows fight? I mean do they chew cud until you can take no more and you beat your own head in to make it stop or is there some secret cow ninja moves that they practice in secret so they have never been seen?

PhD Student: Research information sheet

There once was a man named Bruce
Who liked to sit on a spruce
He ate lots of chowder
And yelled at me louder:
"I'm talking to YOU, Mrs. Hughes!"
--> The Literary Genius: Mowgli

Cows believe in passive warfare. Anyone who has ever walked/slipped/drowned in a cow-pat knows exactly what I mean.

Also, if you happen to be down on all fours, they will try to hump your back. Why cows (not bulls, cows) do this to other cows is still a mystery to me...

Damn Spider pig

This is how cows fight back. It takes quite a bit to piss off a cow, but when they retaliate, they do so with fervor.

Cow pats are also good missiles. They do need to be dried first though. A wet one will not travel as far and loses trajectory very quickly. But, a wet one has better spread than a dry one and will cover more area. A dry one on the other hand, can knock a person out. If they're really dry the make good smoke bombs. Just loft them high into the air and when they hit they explode into a mist of dung particles that will cover your retreat or prevent the enemy from observing your attack.

Edited for the last bit.

Every fight is a food fight to a cannibal. - Demetri Martin

...chickens in choppers...

Damn Spider pig

[quote:7abb427d13="redneck"]Cow pats are also good missiles. They do need to be dried first though. A wet one will not travel as far and loses trajectory very quickly. But, a wet one has better spread than a dry one and will cover more area. A dry one on the other hand, can knock a person out. If they're really dry the make good smoke bombs. Just loft them high into the air and when they hit they explode into a mist of dung particles that will cover your retreat or prevent the enemy from observing your attack. [/quote:7abb427d13]

Redneck, this sounds very familiar. I've got a worrying feeling I've heard you talk about this exact thing before. Cow-pat warfare and all that.

That would also be... CONDENSATION.

Ummm..... No... it wasn't me. *points at Garner*

Edit: This is a little gross so if you get queezy easily, don't read this next bit. Sunday night my brother, dad, and myself were just sitting around chewing the fat. Somehow we got to talking about birthing calves (my dad grew up on a dairy farm). I had always heard the stories of tying ropes around the hooves of breached calves and pulling to try to save their and the cow's lives [if the calf stays in the track too long it will kill the calf and paralyze the cow]. He told us of another way if that doesn't work. He said that he's never seen this done, but he does know that it gets the job done. After all other options have failed, you get a hammer and chisel. You place the chisel directly above the vagina on the pelvice and give it a good hard blow, this breaks the pelvis and allows the calf to come out. As he was telling it I got a good mental image of it happening and it was not a pretty sight. Seeing a claf born is not a pretty sight even of its own accord, but this is even worse.

Every fight is a food fight to a cannibal. - Demetri Martin

And now I'm sorry I mentioned cows. :(

However, that video was great. And yes, chickens in choppers was one of the best lines.

Fuck Shoes.

[quote:496b398906="OmKranti"]And now I'm sorry I mentioned cows. :([/quote:496b398906]
And now I'm sorry you mentioned cows too.

**desperately tries to think of chickens in choppers... or dissapearing cows... **

Hey, this will make you feel better about cows, Om !

Magical Trevor

Damn Spider pig

I can tell you you don't have to be down on all fours for a horny heifer to try to hump you, when they are in that state they will hump anything that moves. I was ever so glad we had a Jersey heifer when those hooves landed on my shoulders.

We had to help pull her first calf, he was almost half as big as her when he was first born and he looked suspiciously like a Holstein to me. I haven't heard of anyone having to chisel a calf out of a cow, but my dad once (under advice from a veterinarian) knocked a sow with a prolapsed uterus in the head with a hammer to try to salvage her litter of pigs. I remember feeling something wierd underfoot when I was picking some kind of wild fruit looking down and seeing her poor bones. I would have thought they could have taken it farther away from the farmyard.

() ()
( ' ,') "don't eat green potatoes"
(> >) Last words of Mrs. Bertha Sperling
@( )_ )_

[quote:4a2519756c="Katcal"]
Hey, this will make you feel better about cows, Om !

Magical Trevor[/quote:4a2519756c]

I love the hypnotizing songs of Weebl.

I unfortunately have no dairy farm adventures :-(

Awwww... not even any unsavoury llama facts ?

Damn Spider pig

My grandparents owned a farm with cows when I was little and I fell in the cow pen once. My mom says she's never seen my dad move so fast when he jumped in the cow pen to get me.

Not to long ago the cows escaped from the barn on a rainy day and my dad and his brothers chased them around the field on quads. Apparently my dad leaped from his quad to a cow to capture it but I wasn't there to witness this.