Just in via e-mail:

14 things to do for a bloke when the missus is busy shopping.

01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking.
02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies toilet.
04. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in Housewares... and see what happens.
05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.
06. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the fetal position and scream "NO!...The voices.... !!!"
14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"

_Light moves faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak._