And verrrrrrrrra welcome you'll all be.

If you would care to travel down on a motorbike, I can let you have the GPS co-ordinates of a small, sloping field with quite a low fence surrounding it. (That should save you a little time looking for the A64/M5/Route 66 or whatever road you eventually choose)

Thankfully, there is a good gap between Durham and Leeds so you can leave your medication at home. (People seem to forget that not only do us Northerners prevent the hardened Border Reivers getting into our territory, we also prevent the 'Southern Pansies' (q.v. Good Omens) getting into your neck of the woods.

Ach man, if you're coming down in plain clothes you'll stand out like a sore thumb. Wear a curry stained T-shirt and a flat cap and you should fit in perfectly coming through Newcastle.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like grandpa. Not screaming and panicking like his passengers.
Don't drink and drive from The Lancre Tavern