The funniest nose spurting story I ever heard was my Dad's neighbour who did a lot of VoIP chat site stuff using the voice of death... anyway, he was drinking red wine on the internet late at night quite pissed, something someone said made him laugh and he spurted red wine out of his nose. He was so pissed that he then said in the voice of Death:

" My brains are leaking out my nose"

The image of it still makes me smile...although he tells it much better than I ever could.

PhD Student: Research information sheet

There once was a man named Bruce
Who liked to sit on a spruce
He ate lots of chowder
And yelled at me louder:
"I'm talking to YOU, Mrs. Hughes!"
--> The Literary Genius: Mowgli